


Midseason

by yehaesuki



Category: Super Junior
Genre: Host AU, M/M, YeHae - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-21
Updated: 2020-03-06
Packaged: 2020-03-09 08:19:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 85
Words: 70,652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18913120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yehaesuki/pseuds/yehaesuki
Summary: All Kim Jongwoon ever wanted was to get a stable job that paid the bills and allowed him to provide for himself and his daughter Haru. Little did he know that being Kim Heechul’s manager would bring him unwanted complications — one of them a beautiful host named Lee Donghae.“You’re cute, manager-nim,” Donghae says, watches in amusement as a red tinge starts spreading across the other’s face.





	1. Jongwoon and Haru

Jongwoon wakes up to the sound of his alarm and groans. It felt just like minutes since he’d gone to bed and his head was still spinning from the flurry of activity that was yesterday. Because yesterday was the day that he finally left the travel agency he’d been working at for ten years. It had been a difficult decision but Haru was starting big school in a couple of months and Jongwoon needed a more flexible job. So when a college classmate said he knew a job that didn’t require him to show up earlier than 11:00 AM on most days, had flexible hours, and paid almost twice what he was earning from his old job, it was a no-brainer. Well, except for the travelling bit, though Youngwoon assured him that the talent he’d be working for hated flying because of a bad leg injury.

Today was his first day.

He forces himself to get up despite the pounding in his head, stretches and proceeds to the bathroom.

—

“Good morning, Miyuki,” Jongwoon says, stopping before a picture of a beautiful woman with smiling eyes and long silky hair. It has been five years since his wife had been taken from him suddenly by an undiagnosed illness and there was never a day in those five years that he hadn’t missed her. Theirs was a story that was so typical of the shoujo manga his wife loved so much - foreign exchange student meets class delinquent in high school, they fall in love, get married after college, and build a family. He fiddles with the wedding ring he hadn’t taken off since their wedding and sighs before going to wake up his daughter.

—

He sits on the side of his daughter’s bed and gently shakes the lump on the bed. “Haru-chan? Haru-chan, wake up sweetie. Today’s a school day.”

The covers rustle and out emerges a sleepy six year-old girl clutching her bear plushie. Jongwoon smiles, places a kiss on his daughter’s forehead. She was the spitting image of her mother - a fact Miyuki would never allow Jongwoon to forget - except for her eyes. Yes, Haru’s eyes were definitely Jongwoon’s.

“Appa,” Haru says. “Haru-chan… I’m still so sleepy.”

“Aww, it’s okay. Today is Thursday. Two more days. We can do this, Haru-chan.”

“Carry?” the child says.

Jongwoon laughs and picks her up. “Fine, fine. Up you go, Haru-chan.”

—

Jongwoon and Haru walk the couple of blocks from their apartment to Haru’s pre-school. Thankfully, they weren’t running late in spite of Jongwoon’s trouble with Haru’s twin-tails. No matter how many times he did it, he never really got the hang of that hairstyle and one always ended up crooked.

He brings Haru to the door, greets his co-parents who were dropping off their children along the way.

“Be a good girl, Haru-chan,” he says, while fixing her uniform. “Remember that Appa loves you so, so much.”

“I love you too, Appa,” Haru says before kissing his cheek and running off to join her classmates. Jongwoon watches as she disappears into her classroom before turning to leave.

Maybe today was going to be a good day after all.


	2. Gold

Jongwoon stares at the card in his hands as he walks down an unfamiliar path.  It’s been barely two hours since he’d reported for work at the agency, looking smart in his pressed suit and lucky smiley tie that Haru especially chose for him that morning. He met his boss, a tall, no-nonsense man only a couple of years older than him whom everyone referred to as "Jung-nim." Jung-nim took one look at him, sighed, and handed him the card he was currently holding, telling him to pick Heechul-ssi up at the address.

"Gold," the card simply said in loopy cursive. On its back was an address Jongwoon was not familiar with. He had parked the company car at the nearest parking lot and proceeded to look for the building on foot. It takes him to what appears to be an exclusive club. Two security personnel in smart suits were standing at the door. There was no sign but according to Jongwoon's phone, this was definitely the place.

Jongwoon squares his shoulders and approaches them, trying not to be intimidated.

"Good afternoon. Is this establishment called 'Gold’?”

The men do not respond.

“My name is Kim Jongwoon. I’m a manager at SME. I’m here to pick up Kim Heechul-ssi.”

Still no response.

“Uhm, okay. I’ll be going ahead then,” Jongwoon says, pretending to walk away before rushing towards the door.

The two men intercept him — of course  they do — and Jongwoon struggles against them.

“Hey! Let me go! I’m not lying! I really am Kim Heechul-ssi’s new manager! Just let me go get my talent and we’ll be on our way! Hey! Careful! Not the tie! My daughter will—”

"Omo, what's going on here?" Someone says and the men in suits quickly let go of him.

Jongwoon falls to the ground but quickly picks himself up and brushes the dirt off his suit. He  turns around and finds himself looking at a stranger with laughing eyes and one of the most handsome faces Jongwoon has ever seen.


	3. Donghae

Donghae smiles as he makes his way down the familiar street, enjoying the feeling of the sun on his skin. Today was actually one of his better days. It was expected to be a slow day at the club with only the more persistent regulars present. That was predictable, and in his line of work, predictability was a luxury. He really hoped Choi-ssi would pick him this time though. The man tipped big and was easy on the eyes. Too bad he seems to always ask for Hyukkie lately. Donghae shakes his head. Ah, it was always the unexpected ones who were into that.

Donghae is nearing the club when he hears a commotion. He hastens his steps, curious. It was not everyday someone dared to make a scene and it would provide good gossip at least.

He turns the corner to see their security  holding a struggling man between them. What catches Donghae’s attention aside from the man’s funny bowl cut is the bright yellow smiley tie he was wearing. It looked like a kid picked it, which was probably the case. Donghae finds it cute.

He walks closer in time to hear what the stranger was saying.

“Hey! Let me go! I’m not lying! I really am Kim Heechul-ssi’s new manager! Just let me go get my talent and we’ll be on our way! Hey! Careful! Not the tie! My daughter will—”

Heechul-ssi’s new manager? Well, this should be interesting. He decides to intervene.

"Omo, what's going on here?"

The security quickly release the stranger who falls to the ground but quickly stands up.

“Daphne-ssi,” one if the security greets him with his club name. “This man says he’s…”

“Yup, I heard him,” Donghae says and approaches the stranger who seems to get flustered and bows deeply.

“I’m sorry for causing a commotion but I really need to go get Kim Heechul-ssi. Our boss says he’s in this establishment. It’s my first day and I really can’t afford to lose this job because my daughter…”

Donghae can’t help but be amused by the man’s earnestness. It was actually a rare thing to see these days. He interrupts the man by placing a hand on his shoulder.

“Hey, it’s okay. No one’s going to lose their job. I can go get Heechul-ssi for you.”

The man looks up and Donghae is taken aback by the sincere gratefulness in his eyes.

“You will? Thank you so much, uhm, Daphne-ssi?”

Donghae does laugh then at the confused expression on the man’s face. It was kind of cute.

“Don’t worry about it, manager-nim. This actually happens quite a bit where Heechul-ssi is concerned. Just wait here a moment, okay?” Donghae turns around to enter the club before he runs back and, on a whim, hands the other man his card.

The man stares at him then at the card, looking even more confused.

“For when you’re not working. Do ask for me, okay?” Donghae winks before skipping up the steps towards the door.

Today really was turning out to be a good day.


	4. Heechul

Donghae knocks on a familiar door and waits. He’s learned the hard way that barging in was never a good idea even if the door is unlocked. Some shuffling, the sound of muffled cursing, and suddenly, the door is flung open to reveal an annoyed, messy-haired Heechul in a track suit.

“Yah! Didn’t I say not to disturb us when— oh, Donghae-ah?”

He instantly calms down when he sees who it was.

“Hello, Heechul-ssi,” Donghae says. “Your new manager is here to pick you up.”

“New manager? What happened to— oh, shit. I forgot!” Heechul then proceeds to run back in before rushing out again after retrieving his wallet and phone.

Donghae blinks and he’s gone.

—

Someone rushes out of Gold and down its steps. Jongwoon springs to his feet from where he was seated on the last step.

“Heechul-ssi?” He asks.

Heechul stops to look at him. “Oh, you’re the new manager? Where’s the van?”

Jongwoon blinks. “The van? Oh, I’m sorry. I will go get it. I just didn’t expect Daphne-ssi to actually be able to… I’m sorry. Please wait here.”

Heechul groans as he watches the other man run away. His new manager seemed to be a bit air-headed. And a suit? Really?

—

The drive to the studio is unusually silent. Heechul had gotten used to his former manager’s chattiness that anything but that seemed weird.

“Hey, Jongwoon. Your name is Jongwoon right?”

“Yes, hyung-nim.”

“When did you start working for the agency?”

“A couple of hours ago, hyung-him.”

Heechul snorts. “Figures. You should really just call me before you pick me up next time. No need to inconvenience their staff.”

“Next time?”

Heechul raises a brow and the manager flushes.

“I mean I’m sorry, hyung-nim. Yes, I will do that.”

“I don’t need to tell you to keep this a secret, right?”

“Ok, hyung-nim. But why would you want to keep it a secret?”

Heechul frowns, then laughs out loud. Oh. So his new manager still hadn’t figured out what went on in Gold, huh? Heechul smirks. This is going to be fun.


	5. Contrast

Jongwoon comes practically crawling home at around 10:00 PM. He had expected this job to be physically tiring but not to this extent. To be fair, he'd been an office worker until yesterday so it probably would take a bit of time to get used to the kind of work that had him running around, fending off overly enthusiastic fans, and attending to someone.

He unlocks the door to his and Haru's apartment and switches on the lights. Jongjin had sent him a text that he'd put Haru to bed and left. Jongwoon owed his brother and sister-in-law a lot. Jongjin and Seoyeon have been the most supportive since Miyuki had gone, looking after Haru whenever he couldn't, making sure that he ate, but now that the couple were expecting their first child, Jongwoon wanted to stop imposing on them too much.

He passes his wife's picture on the way to Haru's bedroom. "I'm home, Miyuki," He says. "It was a tiring day and it seems it would take a while for me to adjust but I know I can do this. I have to - for Haru. Good night, my love.” He then says a little prayer before going to check on Haru.

Jongwoon opens the door to Haru's bedroom slowly and sees her lying underneath her covers clutching her bear plushie. Jongwoon smiles as he watches his daughter sleep for a while — Haru was definitely one of the best things life has given him and watching her like this suddenly made the tiredness he feels worth it. He leans down and places a kiss on her forehead.

“Good night, Haru-chan,” he says.

Jongwoon then makes his way to his own room and gets ready for bed, changing into his pyjamas. Something falls out of the pocket of his pants and he picks it up. It was the card Daphne-ssi had handed him earlier. He frowns, suddenly remembering what the other had said. Ask for him? What did that mean?

Jongwoon shrugs, placing the card in his wallet — it was rude to throw away someone else’s business card after all — something to think about another time.

For now, he slips into bed and sets his alarm. It takes barely a minute before he is out like a light.

—

Donghae fakes a moan as his client for the night starts kissing down his chest. Really, he’s been doing this for so long, everything has become mechanical. Boring. He’s just glad this one didn’t like to talk. Those types of clients were the worst, if a bit naïve. Donghae would never understand why anyone would go to a place such as Gold and pay good money just to talk or worse, try and find love. That just didn’t work, not in real life, no matter what the movies made you believe.

Sometimes, Donghae wonders if he could just run away. He’d just finished paying off the debt that had driven him to take this job in the first place. It wasn’t like anyone was going to stop him. But then, spending his best years doing this kind of work would probably work against him. He sighs as the client continues to kiss lower, murmuring words of endearment that somehow still made Donghae’s skin crawl after all these years. He wishes the client would just fuck him already and get it over with.

He looks up at the familiar ceiling to calm himself, hoping that the client doesn’t sense his annoyance. Today had started out as such a good day.

And he remembers the man he’d handed his card to earlier that day for some reason. Heechul’s new manager. He seemed quite interesting.

The client nips at his hip and Donghae closes his eyes, finds himself thinking of that yellow smiley tie the manager had worn today, and wonders how freedom feels like.


	6. Overtime

Jongwoon drops Haru off at his parents’ house for the weekend. School was on break so she could actually stay with them a bit longer if she wanted to. Jongwoon sighs. He had wanted to stay as well but he received a message from Heechul earlier that day to pick him up at around 5:00 P.M. The celebrity hadn't said where they were going so Jongwoon erred on the side of caution and threw on a suit and the tie Haru had picked out for him — this time a purple one with green turtles. His former officemates used to tease him about it but his ties weren't technically against the dress code and they did serve as a good conversation starter when meeting new clients so his bosses didn't really give him a hard time about them.

He hums as he drives, somehow still in a good mood in spite of having to work during the weekend. The past week had been so packed with schedules, Jongwoon had wondered how Heechul actually managed them considering the state of his health. The celebrity really displayed a sense of professionalism that one wouldn’t expect when one would merely read his SNS or watch his shows. That earned Jongwoon’s respect somewhat.

Jongwoon parks in front of the apartment lobby at 4:57 PM and waits. Right on schedule, Heechul comes downs the steps, dressed in his usual track suit. Jongwoon sighs in envy. Heechul didn’t even need to dress up for people to take him seriously.

Jongwoon greets him when he opens the door to the van.

“Good afternoon, Heechul-hyungnim. Where are we going today?”

“Gold,” Heechul says, smirking. It’s been almost a week since I’ve seen my Persephone. He must be feeling lonely.”

“Persephone?” Jongwoon asks, suddenly remembers the business card tucked into his wallet.

Heechul laughs. “Oh, don’t worry. I’ll introduce you to him, maybe even to one of his… friends.”

Jongwoon frowns. So was that the big secret? That Heechul was seeing someone — a guy who apparently had a girl’s name?

A couple of minutes and they approach the familiar building. They stop for inspection and Heechul flashes his membership card. They are then allowed into the underground parking which was almost empty.

Jongwoon parks at the available slot nearest to the elevator. He waits for Heechul to get off the van, begins to settle in for the long wait, when the celebrity surprises him.

“Hey, Jongwoon-ah! What are you doing? Didn’t I say you are coming with me.”

Jongwoon blinks stupidly at him. “Oh, but I thought you’re going on a date.”

Heechul laughs at him again. “Ah, you really have no idea do you? Well, come on. We don’t have all night.” He then gives his manager a knowing smile that somehow sends warning bells ringing in Jongwoon’s head.

But then Heechul was still his boss so Jongwoon does the only thing he can — he locks the van and follows him.

—

The elevator opens to an elegantly decorated lobby. It’s more posh than whatever Jongwoon has been in that it makes him straighten his tie uncomfortably. Heechul seems unaffected though, strutting towards the desk where a receptionist greets him.

“Good evening, Heechul-ssi. Welcome back! You’re here for Persephone, I presume?”

Heechul laughs, handing her his card. “Yes, yes I am. Also, I was wondering if either Daphne or Cleo is available.”

Jongwoon’s ears perk up at the name.

The receptionist checks her computer. “Cleo has been booked for the night but luckily Daphne is free. Should I send him and Persephone to your usual booth?”

“Yeah, sure. Oh, and I’m bringing my new manager with me. I hope that’s okay.”

“Oh, that won’t be a problem, Heechul-ssi. This way please.”

They are led through what appeared to be a fancy bar. Some of the booths were already occupied and the receptionist leads them to one at the end which provided more privacy.

He takes a seat next to Heechul once prompted — somehow, this whole arrangement made him feel nervous. He really wishes Heechul had left him in the van instead.

Someone approaches and he looks up to see a smartly dressed man with grapefruit-colored hair.

“Heechul-ssi, it’s been a while,” says the man with an angelic smile. “I was beginning to think you’d forgotten about me.”

Heechul laughs. “Were you, really? You know I always keep crawling back anyway.”

The newcomer approaches Heechul and sits beside him, impossibly close without actually sitting on the other’s lap. Heechul loops an arm around his shoulders and begins kissing his neck. “Ah, Persephone. I really missed you.”

Jongwoon shifts uncomfortably away from them, studiously looking at anywhere except the couple. He wasn’t really good at handling public displays of affection, especially not in intimate settings like this. He contemplates making a run for it when the sound of someone clearing his throat makes him stop his internal panicking.

“Uhm, Heechul-ssi. Iris-ssi said you sent for me. Why am I— oh, hello there.”

Jongwoon looks up into familiar smiling eyes.

Heechul watches Jongwoon in amusement before addressing the other.

“Daphne! You’re just in time.” An evil smirk. “I’d like you to meet my new manager, Kim Jongwoon.”


	7. Impressions

Donghae sips his wine and watches Heechul’s manager, Jongwoon, fidget restlessly beside him, trying to ignore the couple at the other end of the couch. Heechul-ssi and Jungsoo-hyung were sometimes too much even for Donghae. He could just imagine how traumatic it is for the poor manager. He reaches out to place a comforting hand over the manager’s nearest hand, making the other jump and look at him.

Donghae smiles brightly at the other. “Hey, Jongwoon-hyung,” Donghae says in his cutest voice. Something told him the other man would like that. “Is it okay if I call you Jongwoon-hyung?”

The manager’s eyes widen and the flush against his cheeks worsens. He attempts to smile. “Yeah, sure.” A pause. “Thank you for your help last week, Daphne-ssi.”

Donghae smiles back. “It was nothing. Besides, it got you here now, right?  I’m really happy you asked for me. Heechul-ssi only ever asks for J— Persephone so I was surprised when I was told to come here.”

Donghae watches as the other fidgets with the ring on his left ring finger for a while. Ah, so the manager was married. Figures. Probably with a kid too if his tie was anything to go by. It wasn’t too unusual to get married men at Gold. But then, he’s never seen a client wear their wedding ring in here before.

“Uhm, I didn’t really…” Jongwoon begins to say, before glancing at Heechul and leaning in to speak in a whisper, his soft, deep voice making Donghae shiver. “It’s just that Heechul-ssi asked me to come in with him. I don’t even know why if he’s just going to…” Jongwoon makes a vague gesture.

Donghae blinks. Oh. So did that mean…

“You do know what type of club ‘Gold’ is, don’t you, Jongwoon-hyung?”

Jongwoon frowns, clueless. “Type?”

Donghae laughs as his hunch is confirmed. “Ah, you really are too cute, manager-nim,” he says, making the other blush even more and down his glass of wine. Donghae goes for the bottle and re-fills the other man’s glass.

They sit in silence for a while, sipping at their wine until Heechul is standing up still with an arm around Persephone. “Jongwoon-ah, we’re going back to our room. I’ll call you when we’re going. In the meantime, feel free to enjoy yourself with Daphne-ssi here.” He winks. “Consider it your welcome to the agency present.”

“Hyungnim, wait. I…” Jongwoon tries to say something but Heechul doesn’t hear him, too busy whispering something in Persephone’s ear, making the other man laugh.

Donghae watches everything, amused. Ah, so this was all Heechul-ssi’s idea of a prank, was it? He reaches out to grab the bottle of wine in one hand and Jongwoon’s arm in his other.

“Hey, Jongwoon-hyung. Why don’t we don’t go to our room as well?”

“Room? Is ‘Gold’ some sort of hotel after all?”

Donghae just laughs and leads him down the corridor Heechul and Persephone had disappeared to.


	8. Daphne

Jongwoon looks around the room as he hears the sound of a lock being put in place. The room was practically an apartment, complete with a mini kitchen. There was a bed at the far end near the ceiling-to-floor windows. One bed. Jongwoon frowns, thinking there must have been some mistake.

A rustle of fabric and Jongwoon turns around to find Daphne shrugging out of his unbuttoned shirt, still smiling. Jongwoon’s brain short-circuits at the sudden expanse of bare flesh. He’s never really been attracted to guys before but he feels himself flushing for some reason.

“So, Jongwoon-hyung,” Donghae says, looking the manager straight in the eyes. “How do you want me?”

And it is only then that Jongwoon finally realizes what exactly ‘Gold’ was. He groans. How was he stupid?

“Uhm, I think there has been a misunderstanding,” Jongwoon finally says shakily, averting his gaze. “Can you please put your shirt back on? It’s a bit… Uhm…”

Donghae blinks, then laughs. “It’s the first time anyone has ever told me to put anything back on.”

Jongwoon fidgets with his tie and laughs awkwardly, still refusing to look at Donghae. “Ah, well. I’m not here for that. I’m just Heechul-ssi’s manager. He thought… That is… Never mind…”

Donghae laughs again. He had to admit, the other man’s embarrassment was quite refreshing. It was too bad though — he was actually looking forward to sleeping with a client for the first time in a while.

He takes pity on the other, goes to retrieve his shirt and pulls it on, starting to do up the buttons. He keeps the top two unbuttoned though, just in case.

“I mean,” Jongwoon continues. “Please don’t be offended - you’re very beautiful…” A blush. “But… I’m on the job and it’s not like that and I have a daughter and oh god, I’m so getting fired after this.”

Donghae watches as the other starts to worry himself into a panic attack, retrieves a bottle of water from the mini-fridge all rooms came with and approaches him, gently leading him to the bed. “Manager-nim? Are you okay? Here, drink this.”

The other man sits down, takes the proffered bottle and takes a sip, finally looks at him. “Thank you, Daphne-ssi. I’m sorry… It’s just that all this has been so strange.”

Donghae laughs, sits down beside him - a respectable distance away so as not as to spook the other. “Tell me about it.” A pause. “So, what do we do then?”

The other man sighs. “How long does it usually take for… uhm?”

Donghae thinks about it. “Well, Heechul-ssi usually stays over until morning. You’re the first manager he’s ever bought anyone for a night for.”

Jongwoon flushes. “And how long has Heechul-hyungnim been… a member here?”

“A little bit less than a year. He’s only ever come for J-Persephone, though.” Donghae holds back a chuckle at the double entendre.

“Ah,” Jongwoon then takes out his phone and starts typing something.

Donghae peers at him curiously. “Are you… taking notes?”

The manager laughs. “I’m actually… I find it hard to remember things.”

“Ah.”

An awkward silence.

“Hey, are you sure you don’t want…”

Jongwoon laughs. “I’m quite sure. Again, please don’t take it as an insult. You really are beautiful, Daphne-ssi. I’m just not…” He makes a vague gesture.

Donghae laughs as well, making the other look at him.

“That’s the second time you’ve called me beautiful. You’re awfully sweet, manager-nim,” he says, watching in amusement as a red tinge starts spreading across the other’s face again, beginning with his ears. “Well, it seems we’ll be stuck together for the next couple of hours. Why don’t you pick something out to watch on the TV? I’ll go raid the fridge and get the wine. Might as well make the most of Heechul-ssi’s generosity, yes?”


	9. The Morning After

Jongwoon wakes to what feels like kisses being peppered down his belly. Which was weird. He had never been with anyone since his wife died and it was very unlikely that he’d take someone home with him even when drunk. He open his eyes and almost faints at what he sees.

Donghae was dressed in his button up shirt and what seemed like nothing else and Jongwoon swallows at the sight of smooth firm thighs straddling his legs. Worse though was that the host was currently bent over Jongwoon’s crotch and had started pulling down the zipper of his unbuttoned pants with his teeth.

Jongwoon panics and scrambles backward, almost hitting the other with his knee.

“D-Daphne-ssi!” he stutters. “W-what are you doing?”

Donghae is stunned for a bit before he pouts and stalks towards the flustered manager.

“Jongwoon-hyung…” Donghae says in his most seductive voice, looking Jongwoon in the eye. “I would think it’s quite obvious what I’m doing.”

“W-wait! Daphne-ssi!” Jongwoon protests, moving farther until his back hits the headboard. “This is a mistake! J-just stay right there! Don’t come any closer.”

Donghae sighs, sits back to reveal that he was in fact wearing something else under the button-up — extremely tiny  black boxers that leave little to the imagination. Jongwoon struggles to look at anywhere but him.

“Really, hyung. Aren't you overreacting just a bit when this is actually your fault? It was you who latched onto me while you were asleep. Besides, how could I resist when I wake up to your boner digging into my ass.” He licks his lips. “I must say, though, that is quite an impressive one you’ve got there, manager-nim.”

Jongwoon flounders for a response, head spinning. Just how drunk was he last night?

“W-we didn’t do anything last night, did we?”

Donghae snorts. “Of course not. We just drank the wine and ate some of the food from the minibar while watching anime. And then you showed me pictures of your kid. How could anything happen after that?” A pause. “She’s extremely cute, by the way. Has anyone told you she has your eyes?”

Jongwoon blinks. Okay, that seemed pretty safe. “But why then were you…”

Donghae shrugs. “I was just trying to help out,” he says, gaze traveling downward meaningfully before meeting Jongwoon’s eyes again.

Jongwoon blushes when he realizes he is still half-hard.

“Uhm…”

Donghae decides to take pity on him then and says, “The shower’s near the closet on the left.”

Jongwoon shifts uncomfortably before cautiously rising from the bed.

He hears the host flop back down behind him, hazards a glance. Donghae is lying on his stomach, shirt riding up giving the manager a clear view of the other’s boxer-clad ass.

Donghae smirks when he notices Jongwoon staring. “Ah, Jongwoon-hyung, if you wanted me to join you, you could have just said so.”

Jongwoon squeaks and practically runs to the bathroom leaving a giggling host behind.


	10. Souvenirs

Jongwoon gets out of the shower to find Donghae still lounging on the bed, fiddling with a familiar phone. He hadn’t gotten dressed nor changed his position so the manager’s gaze is drawn once again to firm thighs and a shapely butt. He is so distracted that it takes him roughly fifteen seconds to figure out that the phone the host was playing with was his. He panics and makes a grab for it.

Donghae pouts cutely at the camera and snaps another photo. What started out as a whim turned out to be quite entertaining, especially when he would imagine Jongwoon’s reactions at some of the racier selcas. He’d actually lost count of the exact number of selcas he’d taken at this point and hopes that Jongwoon would at least appreciate the effort. Another smile, a wink, and then he is suddenly being tackled mid-selca, the hand which was holding the phone pinned to the bed. He looks up to find a heavily breathing Jongwoon glaring down at him. The intense look from the mild-mannered manager somehow sends shivers down the host’s spine.

“Hyung,” Donghae says breathlessly and Jongwoon blinks, flushes when he realizes their position, and quickly scampers off the bed and away from the host.

“I… I’m sorry, Daphne-ssi,” he stutters, turning away. “It’s just… my phone…” He looks down to see his own flushed face, the front-facing camera turned on. On the lower left corner is a blurred selca. “Daphne-ssi, what were you doing?” he asks, puzzled.

Donghae sits up on the bed and stretches. “Taking selcas. I got bored because someone didn’t want to play with me this morning.” He pouts. “Don’t worry. I couldn’t guess your passcode so all your secrets are still safe.”

Jongwoon heaves a sigh of relief.

“By the way, I hope you had a good shower at least. I honestly feel like I’m short changing you for not at least giving you a blowjob or—”

“It’s okay, Daphne-ssi!” Jongwoon interrupts him, ears burning. “It really is. You don’t have to do anything and I’m really, really sorry for getting drunk and latching onto you and for having you wake up to… uhm.” A deep bow. “Please forgive me.”

Donghae blinks, surprised at the other’s outburst. Of all things, he didn’t expect to be apologized to. He is about to tell the manager so when Jongwoon’s phone rings.

Jongwoon picks up.

“Hello, hyungnim?”

“Yah, Jongwoon-ah! Where are you? I’m already here at the lobby.”

“Uhm, I’m…”

“Omo! Are you still with Daphne-ssi? Did you enjoy my present that much?”

“Hyung-nim! It’s not like that!” Jongwoon protests. “I… I’ll bring the van up front. Just give me ten minutes.”

Heechul laughs. “Fine. Just be glad my Jungsoo has put me in a good mood. Call me when I should go out.”

“Okay, hyungnim. Thank you, hyungnim.”

Jongwoon ends the call and promptly starts putting on his socks and shoes. Donghae watches from the bed, wonders if he should tell the manager that his hair was sticking up in all directions. Jongwoon finishes and stands back up, looking at his phone. He starts making his way to the door but stops midway, turns around.

“Thank you for your time, Daphne-ssi,” Jongwoon says, giving Donghae a small smile. “I really am sorry for all the trouble. Uhm, I guess this is goodbye then.” He bows again before turning around and running out the door.

Donghae blinks and the manager is gone. Suddenly, the host’s good mood vanishes.

‘Goodbye,’ the manager had said and for some reason, that made Donghae feel something a bit like regret. He sighs, begins looking around the room for his pants. His eyes widen when they land on a familiar purple and green tie. He walks towards the couch and picks the tie up, smiling to himself. Ah, maybe he’d be seeing Jongwoon again after all.


	11. Buffering

Donghae practically skips into the staff lounge, humming a random song he'd heard on his way down, Jongwoon's green and purple tie tied haphazardly around his neck. Hyukjae looks up from where he was sprawled on one of the many couches, fiddling with his phone.

"Well, someone looks happy. Did you get a good tip last night?" Hyukjae comments, moving over as Donghae settles in beside him. A staff brings Donghae some coffee and a salad and he smiles gratefully at her.

"I don't know, Hyukkie. I haven't checked yet." Donghae answers honestly, placing the coffee on the nearby table and starting to eat his salad.

Hyukjae raises a brow. He'd known Donghae from even before they'd gotten into this mess and it's been a while since he'd seen his friend in this good of a mood after he'd managed to pay off his debt in full.

"Oh? Then dare I ask what has you in such a good mood?" A pause. "By the way, that tie is hideous. Where’d you get it?”

Donghae just sighs happily, looking down at said tie and stroking it as if it were the most precious thing in the world. "It is, isn't it."

Hyukjae rolls his eyes. "Dude, I just dissed your tie. Seriously though, hide that thing before one of the noonas confiscates it for being against the dress code or something."

Donghae snorts. "What dress code? If the management was anymore shameless, I'm sure they'd very much prefer that we wore as little clothing as possible."

"Fair point." Hyukjae concedes. "So, your night?"

"Oh," Donghae giggles. "It was… interesting. I spent it with Jongwoon-hyung.”

"Jongwoon-hyung?"

Donghae laughs. "Heechul-ssi's new manager. I was with him last night and oh my god, Hyukkie, he was so awkward and clueless. I don’t think he knew what goes on in Gold before I took him to our room. He actually told me to put my shirt back on! Who even says that in here?"

Hyukjae looks at Donghae appraisingly. "Hae, chagi. Stop."

"Stop what?"

"I know that look?"

"What do you mean, Hyukkie?"

"You know what I mean, Hae. Just… Those things, they don't really work out and someone always gets hurt. You know that, right?”

Donghae just laughs in his face. "Aish, you're reading too much into it, Hyukkie. You asked me what put me in such a good mood and now I'm telling you. It's been a while since I've actually been able to do nothing but literally sleep at night and with a client at that."

Hyukjae sighs. He knows his friend could get really dense but then, maybe he really was just happy with getting a full night’s sleep and Hyukjae was worrying for nothing.

"Fine," Hyukjae says. "Heechul-ssi's manager, huh? Is he cute at least?"

"Unbelievably cute," Donghae squeals like a schoolgirl and latches onto Hyukjae's free arm, launching into a detailed account of his unusual night.

From the booth behind them, Jungsoo listens and smiles as he sips his morning tea.

—

Jongwoon sighs as he prepares for bed. The past 24 hours seem too surreal now that he is alone in the darkness of his room. Heechul… Gold… Daphne-ssi… He runs a frustrated hand through his hair. This wasn't what he signed up for when he took on this job and for the first time since he and Miyuki had Haru, he finds himself grateful that his daughter wasn't with him then because, for some reason, he feels guilty, as if he'd betrayed her and Miyuki's memory somehow.

Logically, he knows he did nothing wrong. Except for one or two moments he'd much rather not think about and his lost tie, he thinks he'd managed to handle the unexpected situation he was thrown into quite well, all things considered. But then… He sighs, takes out his phone and starts going through his photos. In all the years since he'd met Miyuki, he could honestly say that he'd never found anyone else, male or female, the least bit attractive. True, he could appreciate a person's beauty objectively but it didn't usually affect him and yet…

Jongwoon groans as he finds the selcas the host had taken without his permission. Most of them were safe —cute even without any filter — and Jongwoon finds himself smiling  but then when he comes to the 13th photo, he almost throws away his phone as though it burned him, cheeks flushing. The selca was taken from above, the host kneeling on the bed they’d spent the night on, sitting back on his ankles, and looking up at the camera with those puppy eyes. From that angle, Jongwoon could spy a sliver of chest and those thighs he'd guiltily found himself looking at earlier that morning. He swallows, his throat suddenly dry. He had thought his reaction to the host had something to do with the entire situation, that he was just getting carried away, but now…

He plops back onto his bed, thumb hovering over the trashcan on his phone's screen but, for some reason, he could not bring himself to delete the selca in spite of every rational thought telling him that he had to, that it was better to nip everything in the bud and forget about that strange night. Jongwoon sighs, tossing his phone onto the bed beside him and curses. Of all the things he could get himself into…

Tiredness eventually gets the better of him and he falls into an uneasy sleep.

He dreams of swimming with turtles in a purple sea that night.  


	12. Persephone

“Are you sure you don’t want to come up with me?” Heechul asks Jongwoon with a smirk. It has been a week since the Incident™ and Jongwoon had refused every single time he offered.

Jongwoon smiles politely. “Yes, hyungnim. I’m grateful for the first time but you can’t keep wasting your money on me. Just call me if you need anything, okay?”

Heechul rolls his eyes. “Fine. I guess I’ll just have to endure another night of Daphne’s sad puppy eyes.”

Jongwoon pretends not to hear, already going through Heechul’s schedule.

“Hyungnim, just to remind you — we have to leave really early tomorrow for your location shoot. I’ll be here to pick you up by 3:30 AM, okay?”

“Fine, fine. Now scram, you brat. Go do whatever boring things you people do.”

“I’m actually going to pick up Haru from my parents’ house.”

“Haru?”

Jongwoon blinks when he realizes that he hadn’t really been able to talk to Heechul about Haru. “My daughter, hyungnim.”

“Oh. A kid? So that ring you’re wearing must be a wedding ring?”

Jongwoon nods.

“Oh, so last week… Your wife must’ve gotten mad, huh?”

Jongwoon freezes. “She probably would have, yes.”

“Would have?”

“My wife… Miyuki… she passed away. It’s just me and Haru now.”

“Oh, I’m sorry.”

Jongwoon forces a smile. “It’s okay, hyungnim. It’s been five years.” A pause. “You really should get going though. Like I said, you have an early start tomorrow morning so…”

Heechul looks at him for a while before sighing and going out the door.

—

“Ah, Jungsoo,” Heechul says as he lay his head on the host’s lap. “I think I made a mistake.”

Persephone — Jungsoo looks away from the movie they are watching, stares down at him, his hand continuing to run through the other’s hair. Heechul-ssi was one of his stranger, more unpredictable clients. Most of the time, Jungsoo didn’t know if he’d be roughly pushed against the wall and taken right there and then or be led gently to the bed and be cuddled the entire night. And then there were nights like these, when they’d literally do nothing but sit around and talk, watch movies, or eat and drink. The delusional part of Jungsoo’s brain tells him that it feels almost like a date but Jungsoo tries not to think about it too much.

“Why do you say that, Heechul-ssi?”

“Remember Jongwoon? The manager I brought with me last week as a prank?”

Jungsoo nods. “The one who spent the night with Daphne?”

“Yes. I just confirmed today that he was married and has a kid.”

“I kind of figured based on the wedding ring he wore. It was strange, really —nobody wears their wedding rings in here — but now that you say it was supposed to be a prank, it kind of makes sense.”

Heechul groans. “Urgh, I’m really stupid for not knowing what a wedding ring looks like, huh. I feel so horrible for making him go through it. He probably feels like he cheated on his dead wife.”

“Oh,” Jungsoo exclaims. “Nothing happened, though not for lack of trying on Daphne’s part.”

“Really? But by the way he was blushing all throughout the ride home…”

Jungsoo nods. “Really. I overheard Daphne telling Ariadne over breakfast.”

Heechul looks at Jungsoo. “Is that normal? For you guys to gossip about clients over breakfast?”

Jungsoo laughs. “Of course not. Talking about clients is taboo but once in a while, when something unusual happens, you really can’t stop people from talking.”

“Unusual, huh?”

“Yeah. It’s rare for a host to spend the night with a client without any fucking going on.”

Heechul gives Jungsoo a strange look, takes the hand stroking his hair in his and brings it to his lips, kissing the host’s long and elegant fingers. Jungsoo couldn’t help the gasp that leaves his lips.

“So is this unusual? I wonder, do you talk to anyone about me, Jungsoo-ah?”

Jungsoo blushes and looks away, heart pounding. Lately, Heechul has started saying things that confused him.

“W-what are you saying, Heechul-ssi? Of course I don’t talk to anyone about you.”

A sudden movement and Jungsoo is on his back, Heechul looming over him.

Heechul smirks, taking in the confused expression on the host’s beautiful face. Jungsoo blushes, the look the other was giving him making a shiver go down his spine and he has to ask.

“Heechul-ssi, what…?”

Heechul’s eyes flash with something before he leans forward, stops a hair’s breadth away from Jungsoo’s lips, and Jungsoo forgets to breathe.

“Wrong answer, Jungsoo-ah,” he simply says before capturing the host’s lips in a passionate kiss.


	13. Stopgap

Jongwoon drums his fingers against the steering wheel, impatiently looking at his phone. It has been almost an hour since he got there, had parked the van in an alley next to Gold, waiting for Heechul to respond to his calls and texts. He picks his phone up and calls Heechul’s number, only to be sent to voice mail again. Jongwoon sighs in frustration when he realizes that he had no other choice but to physically retrieve the celebrity.

He unbuckles his seatbelt and gets out of the van, worries a bit about being underdressed. It was a location shoot after all so he’d come in a simple black shirt and jeans. Thankfully, he’d brought a blazer with him. He locks the van and walks towards Gold.

The men in black suits at the door look at him suspiciously.

“Uhm, hello again,” Jongwoon says, fidgeting a bit. “I’m here to pick up my boss.”

“Name?”

“What?”

“Your name?”

“Kim Jongwoon.”

One of the men checks the tablet he’s holding and nods to the other who holds the door open for him. Jongwoon bows gratefully before scampering in, sneakers squeaking on the shiny tiles.

He hesitantly makes his way towards the reception where a smartly dressed woman greets him.

“Good morning. How may I help you?”

“Hello. I’m Kim Jongwoon, Kim Heechul’s manager. I was just wondering if there is any way that I could reach him. He’s not answering his phone and we really need to get going.”

The receptionist takes a look at him and Jongwoon averts his eyes self-consciously.

“Oh! Now I remember! You were Heechul’s guest last week. He’s in room 107 right now. You can go get him if you want.”

“Okay. Thank you very much, uhm, Iris-ssi.” Jongwoon says, bowing politely.

He makes his way through the eerily silent bar and down the unfortunately familiar corridor, heart beating wildly against his chest, almost expecting Daphne to suddenly appear from one of the rooms. He had managed to avoid going back in here for almost a week, to keep himself from looking at the selcas he knew were saved somewhere on his phone. He’d kept himself busy with work and running errands for Heechul and spending time with Haru, scared of the thoughts he would have if left to himself. And now…

He finds the room where Heechul is and braces himself. His boss might not be too pleased at being disturbed. He raises a hand to knock when a commotion from a room three doors down draws his attention as three men in black suits emerge, dragging a beaten up middle-aged man with them. They pass Jongwoon who moves hurriedly to the side, eyes wide.

The door of the room opens again and someone else steps out. Jongwoon’s heart pounds loudly against his chest when he recognizes who it is.

Donghae emerges from the room with a swollen cheek and a cut at the corner of his mouth, muttering under his breath. The host was barefoot and not wearing any pants and Jongwoon curses himself when it is one of the first  things he notices.

Their eyes meet and the two of them just look at each other for a while, both wondering if they were hallucinating.

“D-daphne-ssi,” Jongwoon finally ventures.

“Jongwoon-hyung!” Donghae exclaims, features lighting up with a smile as he walks towards the manager. “You’re here!”

Jongwoon nods dumbly, somehow disoriented at being subjected to that smile. “I… what happened? That man they dragged away. He… hit you?”

Donghae shrugs and looks away, leans against the opposite wall. “Yeah. But don’t worry, this happens quite a lot and he definitely got it worse. Tsk, clients who think they can short-change us are really the worst. Ah, and I thought I could at least get a tip for—”

Donghae jumps when he suddenly feels a hand cupping his cheek. He looks up, breath catching in his throat when he realizes that Jongwoon had moved closer and was looking at him intently, the other’s thumb gently rubbing at his swollen cheek. The older man’s gaze moves down his face from his eyes to his cheeks and down to  the cut at the side of his mouth. Donghae swallows.

“Jongwoon-hyung,” he whispers hesitantly.

The door behind Jongwoon opens and the spell is broken. Jongwoon blinks, realizes what he was doing, blushes and snatches his hand away just in time for Heechul to step into the corridor.

“Jongwoon-ah. Why are you here?”

“Ah, hyungnim,” Jongwoon flounders. “Your schedule. We have to go and you weren’t answering…”

“Oh, right,” Heechul says before noticing Donghae behind the manager. “Oh, hello, Daphne-ah. What happened to your face?”

Donghae puts on a smile. “Nothing, Heechul-ssi. I just walked into a locker.”

Heechul raises a brow at the obvious lie but doesn’t comment.

“Oh, I’ll be checking out then. Come on, Jongwoon-ah.”

“Yes, hyungnim,” Jongwoon says, hesitates before taking out one of the band aids he keeps in his wallet in case Haru gets hurt, a yellow one with tiny pikachus running around, and hands it to Donghae.

Donghae takes the band aid with a confused expression.

“For your, uhm…” Jongwoon says, gesturing to the cut on the side of Donghae’s mouth.

“Yah, Jongwoon-ah.”

Jongwoon blushes, “Coming, hyungnim,” he says, running after the other, leaving a blushing Donghae behind.


	14. Dreams: Donghae 🔥🔥🔥

Donghae has had this dream before.

He is lying still on a boat filled with freshly cut grass, wearing white robes arranged artfully around him and a crown of white carnations in his hair. The boat rocks a bit and he tries to move, finds to his chagrin that he couldn’t, could only blink up at the clear blue sky and the mid-morning sun shining cheerfully from above. An organ start to play a funeral march out of nowhere and Donghae sighs. He knows how this dream will go.

Suddenly, a cloud passes by, slightly hiding the sun from view, and Donghae blinks. Now that was new. Another cloud and the funeral march starts to stutter. He blinks again and, this time, tries to raise his right arm. He is surprised when he is able to. He looks down and notes that it is covered in bandages — white, a never-ending white. A flash of yellow and his heart skips a beat. Was that—

Donghae blinks again and he is suddenly back in that corridor at Gold, Jongwoon gently stroking his cheek. He watches Jongwoon’s gaze trail down his face from his eyes down to his mouth and swallows against the dryness in his throat.

“Jongwoon-hyung,” he whispers, tries to savor the feeling knowing that seconds later, the door behind Jongwoon would open and the moment would be gone.

It doesn’t and Jongwoon just keeps staring at him with a strange expression. Donghae licks his lips, wonders what the older man sees when he looks at him, when suddenly, Jongwoon moves forward and captures his lips in a passionate kiss, wrapping his free arm around Donghae’s waist and slowly pushing him against the wall. Donghae moans, allowing Jongwoon to slip his tongue into the host’s waiting mouth.

Donghae feels his heart pound loudly against his chest as Jongwoon continues kissing him, sucking and nipping at his bottom lip making Donghae cling to Jongwoon’s arms. Jongwoon pushes a leg in between Donghae’s thighs and he lets him, enjoying the sensation of having the older man’s body flushed against him, and it surprises him when he realizes just how much he wants this man. He reaches up to wrap his arms around Jongwoon’s shoulders and starts kissing him back in earnest, his own tongue pushing playfully against the other’s. He hears Jongwoon growl at this, feels the other’s hand moving down to grope his ass. He groans when he feels Jongwoon’s hard on against his own, trying to remember when was the last time he was this turned on. He pushes himself up against the older man, shamelessly spreading his legs for Jongwoon to fully step between them.

They eventually part for breath and Donghae looks up to find Jongwoon’s watching him with half-lidded eyes.

“Donghae-ah,” Jongwoon finally whispers against Donghae’s lips.

“Yes, hyung?” Donghae says, doesn’t bother wondering how the other knew his real name.

“It’s time to wake up.”

A sad smile and Jongwoon kisses him gently this time, making Donghae suddenly feel like the floor has disappeared from under his feet.

He looks down and realizes that it literally has. He looks back up and he’s suddenly grasping at air, the doors and the walls and Jongwoon dissolving into darkness in front of his eyes.

“Jongwoon!” he calls and suddenly he is falling.

Donghae wakes up with a shout, heart pounding against his chest and hand reaching for the other who wasn’t there.

A dream, he tells himself. It was all a dream. The boat and the sky and the corridor and Jongwoon. A dream that shouldn’t mean anything and yet…

Donghae lies back down trying to calm his racing heart, frowns when he notices an uncomfortable wetness in his boxers. He blinks when he realizes what had happened, then starts laughing hysterically.

“What the fuck?” he says. “What the actual fuck?”

On his bedside table, a bright yellow plaster strip peeks out from under Donghae’s phone, unused.


	15. Detour

“So, you get the week off, huh?” Hyukjae greets Donghae as the other slips into the seat in front of him, drink in hand. “There’s not too much damage though.”

It is Wednesday, Hyukjae’s day off work, so he is dressed in a simple grey track suit and rubber shoes. Donghae is dressed down as well in a plain white button down and ripped jeans. People looking at them could never guess what they actually did for a living.

Donghae shrugs, sipping his iced americano slowly. “Yeah. I guess they don’t want me showing up at work even looking like this. I mean, sure, I’m still pretty enough to get clients but they say the wounds would send the wrong message or something.”

“Right. I don’t know if that’s lucky or…” Hyukjae laughs. “Did you really have to punch the client though?”

Another shrug. “He got on my nerves the entire night. I’m just glad he gave me a reason to punch him.”

“Really? What did he do?”

“The usual annoying stuff — acted like he was my boyfriend, called me beautiful, tried to kiss me.” Donghae shudders. “I’d rather not talk about the rest.”

“Aww, poor baby,” Hyukjae laughs. “Or poor client? Why don’t you just let them pretend, really?”

“But it really is annoying, Hyukkie, having clients act that way,” Donghae pouts. “It makes me want to puke.”

“You didn’t mind when Heechul-ssi’s manager called you beautiful though?” Hyukjae teased him. To his surprise, Donghae blushes a deep red and looks away. Hyukjae blinks.

“Hae, is there something you’re not telling me?”

Donghae bites his lower lip, looks around before leaning in.

“Hyukkie, I dreamt of him.”

“Dreamt?”

Donghae just gives him a meaningful stare.

“Oh, that kind of dream.” A smirk. “Well, at least one of us is having fun, even if it’s in a dream.”

“But that’s just it, Hyukkie! It’s been years since I’ve had that sort of dream and I even came from it. What the hell? Does my body think it’s a teenager again or something?”

Hyukjae just laughs at him. “Look at you getting all panicked over a wet dream. Oh my god, Hae. It really shouldn’t be that big of a deal unless…” Hyukjae’s eyes widen. “It isn’t just sexual attraction, is it?”

Donghae leans back, runs a hand through his hair. “Yes. No. I don’t know. I met Jongwoon-hyung last Sunday just after I punched the client and I think we had a moment and suddenly my brain somehow gets the idea that it’d be a good thing to turn that moment into… urgh, it’s just so frustrating.”

“Wait, so you met Heechul-ssi’s manager again?”

“By accident, yes. I mean, I really was hoping he’d ask for me again — I even asked Iris to sneak his name into the approved guest list — but yeah, maybe Gold really is too expensive for a manager’s salary. Either that or he’s probably seen the selca I took where I was—”

Donghae doesn’t get to finish describing what he was doing in the selca when Hyukjae suddenly shushes him, his eyes on something behind Donghae.

“Shh, he’s here! Act casual!”

Donghae blinks. “Who?” He tries to turn around but Hyukjae stops him.

“I said act casual,” he hisses at him. “Turning around to look isn’t acting casual.”

“But I…”

“Hyukjae-ssi?” Someone says and Donghae watches as a man around their age approaches. He was a bit taller and broader than either of them and was wearing a hoodie with some colorful prints and grey track pants. He was carrying a gym bag.

“Shindong-hyung!” Hyukjae exclaims, all smiles. “Fancy meeting you here! Are you going to the dance studio already?”

“Yeah. I have to set some things up for the kids. And you?” A glance at Donghae. “I guess you’ll be heading in after your date?”

“It’s not a date!” Hyukjae practically shouts, earning strange looks from people nearby. “I mean, this is Donghae from, uhm, work.”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Shindong says, turning to Donghae. “My name is Shin Donghee but everyone just calls me Shindong. Nice to meet you, Donghae-ssi. So I guess you also work in insurance?”

Donghae glances at Hyukjae who glares at him. He panics.

“Uhm, yes! Insurance! Of course! You do need that for… uhm… things? Right?”

Shindong just looks at Donghae strangely, is about to say something, when the barista calls out Shindong’s name.

“Ah, that’s my drink,” he say. “I’m sorry but I have to go, Donghae-ssi. See you later, Hyukjae-ssi.”

Donghae watches Shindong leave before turning on Hyukjae.

“‘Fancy meeting you here?’ Really? And since when do you work in insurance?”

Hyukjae groans. “I panicked, okay. And Shindong-hyung owns the studio across the street that gives free dance lessons to kids. I figured he wouldn’t appreciate a host helping out at his studio as a volunteer.”

“It’s more than that, though, isn’t it?” Donghae says knowingly.

Hyukjae sighs, doesn’t meet Donghae’s gaze. “I’ll be done paying off my debt by the end of the year,” he says. “I have to start thinking about my life after Gold.” A pause and he turns to Donghae. “I’m actually surprised you haven’t left yet. Why are you still here, Hae?”

Donghae shrugs, playing with his straw. “I don’t know, Hyukkie. I don’t really have anywhere else to go. Gold has been the only thing I’ve known my entire adult life. I don’t think…”

“Then why don’t you create that place on your own? Even if you don’t have anywhere else to go, you don’t have to stay. I know you’re becoming restless. You’d normally let things like what your client did slide and have management resolve them. Why don’t you take a chance?”

Donghae sighs. “Alright, Hyukkie. I’ll think about it but please don’t change the subject.” A mischievous smile. “ So, you have a thing for dancers, huh?”

—

Donghae takes the long way home through a nearby park, taking in the scenery he hadn’t seen for quite a while. Talking with Hyukjae definitely gave him a lot of things to think about. He’s happy for his friend, really, for figuring things out this early. They obviously aren’t getting any younger and it doesn’t make sense to waste time when one has a real shot at happiness but then…

He sighs as he reaches a row of park benches facing a lake, the setting sun reflected on its surface. He looks around, amazed to find the place deserted except for a little girl sitting on the third bench. Donghae frowns, looking around for the little girl’s companion. She couldn’t be older than seven and it would soon be night time. Finding no one, he approaches the little girl.

She was wearing a cute pink dress with printed strawberries scattered all over, hair in lopsided twin tails, hugging a pink cat plushie with an angry stitched on expression, and looking out onto the lake. On closer inspection, Donghae notices her lower lip quivering slightly in an effort not to cry. For some reason, the little girl looks quite familiar and Donghae goes to check on her.

“Uhm, hello, little girl,” he says, hoping he didn’t look too creepy approaching her. “Are you lost?”

The little girl hesitates for a moment before looking up at him and Donghae is surprised to find familiar dark eyes looking up at him. It suddenly clicks.

“Haru-chan?” he ventures a guess and the child’s eyes widen as she looks at him him in surprise.

“Yes, my name is Haru. Kim Haru. Mister, how do you know my name?”


	16. Donghae and Haru

Donghae smiles reassuringly at Haru and sits down on the bench beside her. What were the odds that he would actually meet Jongwoon’s kid. He remembers how excited Jongwoon got while talking about her, even in his tipsy state, and his smile widens.

“Hello, Haru-chan. My name is Donghae. Lee Donghae. Jongwoon-hyung has told me all about you. It’s nice to finally meet you.”

“Oh, so you know appa, oppa-nim,” Haru says, turning towards Donghae in interest. “How did you meet?”

“Uhm, yes. We met through…” Some vivid images flash through the host’s mind and he blushes. “Uhm, work. Yes, that’s right. We met at work.”

“Oh,” Haru exclaims excitedly. “My appa works for Heechul-ahjussi. He’s a cel…e…b…ri…ty. You must be one too, right, oppa-nim. You’re awfully pretty.”

Donghae laughs. “Aww, it’s so sweet of you to say that but no, I’m not a celebrity, Haru-chan. I’m just… Donghae. By the way, where is Jongwoon-hyung?”

“He’s… Appa is… Haru doesn’t know where appa is.” Haru then starts to tear up and Donghae panics. He can’t remember the last time he’d talked to a kid and neither does he know how to deal with a crying one. He awkwardly reaches out to pat her head.

“Uhm, hey, Haru-chan. Please don’t cry. I’ll help you look for him, okay? I could call him but sadly I don’t know his number.”

“I do,” Haru suddenly says.

“What?”

“I know appa’s number. He told me to mem’rize  it.”

Donghae blinks. Well, that was convenient. He takes out his phone and unlocks it before handing it to Haru. Haru squints cutely at the screen while she punches in Jongwoon’s number. A couple of rings and someone picks up.

“Hello?”

“Appa!” Haru exclaims.

“Haru? Oh my god, Haru-chan! Where are you? Are you okay? Please don’t tell me you’ve been kidnapped. Oh my god, I’m so sorry, Haru-chan. Your appa is so stupid and useless and…”

“Appa,” Haru interrupts. “I’m okay, promise. I’m not kidnapped. I’m at our bench in the park.”

“Oh,” Jongwoon says, calming down a bit. “Then whose phone is this?”

“Donghae-oppa-nim’s.”

“Donghae?”

“Yes. He says you met at work.”

“But I don’t know… Haru-chan! Stay on the line, okay? Appa’s coming to get you.”

“Okay, Appa,” Haru says obediently.

Donghae watches Haru talk to Jongwoon using his phone, the unused pikachu band aid staring back at him from his phone’s clear case, and he is hit by a sudden bout of panic. Haru is Jongwoon’s kid. Jongwoon is coming to get her, possibly not alone. He remembers the ring on the manager’s left ring finger, cold under his fingers, and suddenly feels like running.

He hears footsteps running towards them, frantic shouts of Haru’s name, and stands up.

“Appa!” Haru calls back, letting go of Donghae’s phone and running towards a disheveled Jongwoon in a black button down and jeans. He scoops her up into a hug.

“Haru-chan! Oh my god, I’m so sorry. I looked behind me and you were gone!”

“Appa,” Haru says, finally breaking down into tears. “Appa!”

“Shh, it’s okay now, Haru-chan. Appa is here now. You’ve been a very brave girl, Haru-chan. Smart too. Appa is very proud of you so please stop crying now, okay? Shh.”

Donghae retrieves his phone and watches their tearful reunion, all the while feeling like an intruder. He almost expects Jongwoon’s wife to show up at that exact moment, beautiful and elegant and pure…

“Daphne-ssi?”

Donghae looks up to find Jongwoon looking at him with a confused expression. Haru had stopped crying as well.

“Daphne-ssi? Silly Appa! That’s Donghae-oppanim.”

“Dong… hae?” Jongwoon repeats, making Donghae laugh, all his previous worries forgotten.

“Oh, so you really did think Daphne’s my real name?” A genuine smile. “My name is Lee Donghae. It’s nice to see you again, manager-nim.”


	17. Jongwoon, Donghae, and Haru

Jongwoon invites Donghae out to dinner. It was the polite thing to do and questionable previous encounters aside, the host did help him find Haru, who seemed to have become attached to the other in the short amount of time that they’ve known each other.

He watches the two of them look excitedly at the menu of the fast food joint he took them to while he stood in line. Haru seemed to be explaining something to Donghae who knelt down to listen. It seemed like such a normal scene and yet Jongwoon couldn’t take his eyes off them for some reason. Donghae smiles and nods at something Haru says and Jongwoon’s heart skips a beat at the soft expression on the host’s face. Somehow, it made the other’s already attractive features seem even more beautiful. Donghae looks up and Jongwoon quickly looks away, hoping he hadn’t been caught staring.

He looks at the menu as the two of them approach, Haru’s free hand holding onto Donghae’s.

“Appa,” Haru say, tugging on Jongwoon’s sleeve. “Can we get two Happy Meals, please? Hae-oppa-nim says he has never ever gotten a Happy Meal.”

Jongwoon raises his brow, both at the nickname and at Haru’s suggestion.

“Oh? He hasn’t? Haru-chan, are you sure you haven’t tricked Daph— Donghae-ssi into agreeing just so you could get another toy?”

“No, appa,” Haru says, shaking her head. “Hae-oppa-nim really wants a Happy Meal, right, oppa-nim?”

Donghae chuckles, ruffling Haru’s hair. “Right. It’s been a while since I’ve gotten fast food, actually, and I really never actually got a Happy Meal ever.”

Jongwoon blinks then sighs. “Fine. Which toys do you want?”

Haru tugs on his sleeve again and he bends down, allowing her to whisper in his ear. Jongwoon’s eyes widen when he hears his daughter’s suggestion.

“Is that okay, appa?”

Jongwoon smiles. “Okay. Sure, why not? Why don’t you and Donghae-ssi go save a seat for us? I’ll be right over once I get our food.”

“Okay,” Haru says cheerfully, taking Donghae’s hand again and dragging him towards an available table.

—

Jongwoon places the tray of food on the table where Donghae and Haru were sitting at before taking a seat beside Haru. He hands out their meals and places the trays aside.

Donghae receives his nuggets, fries and orange juice with sparkling eyes. “Oh my god, I missed these. They never let us have anything fried at work. Thank you, manager-nim.”

Jongwoon does laugh at the host’s childish expression. It was actually cute. Donghae looks at him then and he coughs, embarrassed.

“Don’t mention it, Donghae-ssi. It’s the least I could do after you helped us out today.”

Donghae waves him off, popping a fry into his mouth. “It’s no big deal, hyung. Really. I just let her use my phone. Oh, and it really was just a stroke of luck that I found Haru. I’ve been given a week off to get better, see, and had some time to waste.”

“Oh,” Jongwoon frowns, noticing the still healing wound on the side of Donghae’s mouth for the first time. Unconsciously, he raises a hand to check on it. Thankfully, he catches himself just in time before he could.

“Are you still hurt?” he asks instead.

Haru looks up from her burger when she hears the word ‘hurt.’

“Hurt? Are you okay, Hae-oppa-nim? Who hurt you?”

Donghae smiles at Haru. “I’m okay, Haru-chan. Don’t worry. I’m actually quite tough, you know? In fact, I think I could actually take down your appa in a fight, if I wanted to.”

Jongwoon raises his brow. “Oh? Is that a challenge?”

Donghae just laughs at him. “I said, ‘if I wanted to.’” A mischievous smile. “Besides, if it were with you, there are a lot more fun things I could think of doing than fight.” He winks and Jongwoon chokes on his fry.

“Donghae-ssi,” Jongwoon says warningly, glancing at Haru who had thankfully gone back to eating.

Donghae laughs again. “Relax, manager-nim. I wouldn’t dare do anything in front of Haru-chan, or anywhere for that matter. I wouldn’t want to disrespect Haru-chan’s mom more than I already have.” A forced smile. “Is she joining us, by the way. I could finish up quick before she comes so it won’t get too awkward.”

Jongwoon looks away. “Ah, that. Miyuki is…”

“Omma’s no longer here,” Haru pipes up unexpectedly, making Jongwoon freeze and Donghae look at Haru curiously.

“Oh? Where did she go, Haru-chan?”

“To heaven,” Haru says matter-of-factly and Donghae hates that part of him that felt something akin to relief and… hope?

“Oh, I’m sorry, Haru-chan,” Donghae says. “I didn’t mean to…”

Haru shakes her head. “It’s okay, Hae-oppa-nim. Appa and I still have each other and appa says omma is happy up there in heaven so I’m not sad.”

Donghae’s heart hurts for the child, wishes he could give her a hug. “Oh, Haru-chan.” He stops when Haru suddenly takes a hold of his hand and places something in his palm. He looks down to find a pink bracelet with a yellow sunflower charm. “Haru-chan, what is this?”

“It’s yours, Hae-oppa-nim,” Haru beams at him. “From your first ever Happy Meal. Please don’t be sad anymore.”

Donghae doesn’t know what to say to that.


	18. Back to Work

Donghae practically skips into the lounge the day he has to report back to work. Hyukjae raises a brow at him when he slips into the seat next to him.

"Hyukkie, hello!" Donghae greets him cheerfully as a staff places a tray of food in front of him. He ignores it in favor of looking at his phone and giggling.

"Well, you're looking annoyingly happy for someone who has just come back from injury leave."

Donghae waves him off and Hyukjae notices the bracelet he was wearing.

"Interesting choice of accessory too."

"Oh, this?" Donghae says, looking fondly at the bracelet. "Haru-chan gave it to me."

"Who?"

"Haru. Jongwoon-hyung's daughter."

"You… daughter… Huh?" Hyukjae looks so confused.

Donghae just laughs at him.

"Oh, I accidentally found her on the way back from the coffee shop. I let her use my phone and Jongwoon-hyung took us to McD and he got me a Happy Meal - a Happy Meal, Hyukkie, isn't that cute? - and Haru gave me this bracelet and now I have Jongwoon-hyung's number and it's been three days of me just sending him selcas and thank god he hasn't blocked me yet."

Hyukjae's brow climbs higher. "Okay." A sip of strawberry milk. "You know, as your friend, I'm morally obligated to tell you that that's kind of creepy right?"

Donghae shrugs. "Well, at least all I've sent him are pictures of my face so far. He seems to like this face," he proclaims proudly.

Hyukjae rolls his eyes. "Of course. Even I like that face even if I know how much of a dumbass its owner is. How about the wife though? If there's a daughter, there usually is a wife. Hae, are you—”

"She's gone."

"What?"

"Haru-chan told me her mom passed away."

"But your Jongwoon, you say he still wears his wedding ring?"

Donghae suddenly looks sad. "He does, yes."

"Aish, Hae. That's even harder than him still having a wife, competing with a memory."

Donghae's phone vibrates and he looks down. The message brings the smile back to Donghae's face.

"Oh my god, Hyukkie. He finally sent me a picture back."

"Really? Let me see."

Donghae hands Hyukjae his phone. On it was a picture of some turtles swimming in a pond.

"What the hell?"

"Ah, Jongwoon-hyung is so cute."

Hyukjae hands Donghae his phone back, looking at him judgingly. "Hae, are you sure you—"

He shuts up when Jungsoo approaches their booth. Persephone was a legend in the club, one of the older hosts who had been there since Gold was just a start up. Some rumors say he's on his way to joining management while others say he stays because of this huge debt a former lover left him to pay.

"Hello, Donghae-ah, Hyukjae-ah," he greets them. "Mind if I take a seat?"

"Sure, hyung," Hyukjae says, elbowing Donghae to put his phone away. "What do you need?"

Jungsoo smiles his business smile and Hyukjae braces himself for the worst.

"Well, you see, they've finally scheduled it and management is wondering if you two could perform again."

"It?" Donghae asks and Hyukjae groans.

Of course, it could only be…

"Members' Night," Jungsoo says, confirming Hyukjae’s suspicions. "It's going to be next weekend. So, are you in?"


	19. Downtime

Jongwoon yawns as he drives up to Heechul's apartment. It was supposed to be his day off but the celebrity called him saying he needed a ride somewhere. Jongwoon was surprised when he first found out that the multi-millionaire didn't own a car, apparently because Heechul thought the upkeep costs too much and he couldn't be bothered to take driving lessons. When asked where they were going, Heechul had simply said "Gold" and "Members' Night" (whatever that meant) and oh could Jongwoon pick up the bouquet he ordered for Jungsoo (whoever that was).

So there he was, waiting patiently for Heechul to come down when his phone vibrates with a message. He looks at it and couldn't help the smile that spreads across his face when he sees whom it's from.

He and Donghae had been exchanging messages for the past couple of days. At the beginning, Jongwoon had been hesitant but after the first three days of the host sending him selcas (which he absolutely didn't save) and updates of his day — "The weather's great, hyung. Let's go for a walk?" and "Hey, I just saw that Detective Pikachu is showing in theaters. You should take Haru to see it. She likes Pokemon, right?" and "Hyung, did you eat? Don’t forget to eat, hyung" — he'd given in. Donghae… surprised him. When he got passed the flirtiness and suggestiveness that seemed to come with his trade, he was actually just a normal guy, kind of sweet with the occasional dumb moments — "Hyung, I swear! I don't do anything but this one duck at the park always chases me. It must really hate me, hyung. I can't wait for winter so it can fly south already." Had they met under different circumstances, Jongwoon would probably have considered Donghae a friend by now. Now, though…

He sighs, conflicted feelings surfacing once again, and opens his messages.

"Hi, Jongwoon-hyung. Whatcha doin? How's Haru?" Donghae had sent. The fact that Donghae has never once forgotten to ask about Haru manages to make Jongwoon feel warm inside.

"Waiting for Heechul-hyung," he replies. "I left Haru with Jongjin and Seoyeon and little Jennie."

"Little Jennie?"

"My niece. Seoyeon just gave birth last Friday."

"Oh, congratulations then. I'm sure little Jennie is a lovely child."

"She is? How about you? What are you up to, Donghae-ssi?"

"Work."

"Ah."

Silence. They had somehow managed to avoid talking about Gold and Donghae's work until then. For some reason, the mere thought of what Donghae had to do for a living had started to leave a bitter taste in Jongwoon's mouth.

"Is Heechul-ssi coming for Members' Night?" Donghae finally asks.

Jongwoon blinks. "Yeah. I'm taking him to Gold." A pause. "What is this Members' Night?"

The "…" appears and disappears for a couple of times before Donghae finally sends , "Ah, just some boring function for Gold clients." A pause. "I wish I didn't have to go."

I wish you didn't have to either, Jongwoon finds himself typing, surprising even himself at the feeling of possessiveness that suddenly overcame him. Where did that come from? He frowns, erases the message and sends instead, "Ah, that sucks. Well, just be sure not to go around punching clients. I doubt they'd let you get away with it this time." A pause. "Oh, and if you get too bored, I'll just be in the parking area."

It takes a while for Donghae to reply with a dozen laughing emojis and a "no promises there, hyung" and Jongwoon's heart skips a beat as he imagines the host's eyes crinkling as he laughs. He shakes his head. Really, what was happening to him? Another notification and Jongwoon sees that Donghae has sent another message.

"Thanks, hyung. I think I needed that. I'm going to go get ready now. Don't forget to leave the passenger seat open for me. 😘"

Jongwoon stares at the kissy-face emoji and blushes in spite of himself. That was really cute. He prepares to reply when the door of the van opens and Heechul climbs in in a tuxedo, hair slicked back and struggling with a bow tie. Jongwoon blinks at him. It was the first time he'd seen Heechul willingly dress up properly for an occasion.

"Good evening, hyungnim," he greets him. "You're looking exceptionally nice today."

Heechul rolls his eyes at him. "Yeah, yeah. I know. That's your subtle way of taking a jab at me wearing tracksuits to every event I could get away with. Now help me with this bowtie, Jongwoon-ah, so we can go. Can't keep my dear Jungsoo waiting.”


	20. Calm before the storm

Heechul goes to find Jungsoo the moment he sets foot on the penthouse function room. He fiddles nervously with his bow tie, tightening his grip on the bouquet of flowers he holds in his other hand as he scans the crowd of excited clients, men and women from high society with a host or two at their sides. He nods politely to agency seniors and one or two producers he had worked with in the past as he makes his way towards the floor-to-ceiling windows at one side. He spots Jungsoo looking at the city lights outside and smiles, admiring the host’s profile, looking pristine in his white suit and newly dyed blond hair. He approaches quietly so as not to spook the other who was deep in thought.

“Beautiful,” he says by way of greeting when he comes close enough, startling Jungsoo. The host recovers quickly though, turns around to smile at Heechul.

“Ah, Heechul-ssi. Yes, the view from up here really is quite pretty.”

“I’m not talking about the view, Jungsoo,” Heechul says smoothly before holding out the bouquet. “For you.”

Jungsoo’s smile widens, finally reaching his eyes. “Wow, you really didn’t have you, Heechul-ssi.”

“But I wanted to,” Heechul says, drawing closer. “This is one of the rare times I could actually see you like this. Let me at least pretend that this is the date you keep denying me.”

Jungsoo sighs and looks away. “I’m sorry, Heechul-ssi. You know it’s against the rules for clients and hosts to meet outside the club.”

Heechul forces a smile. They’ve been over this quite a number of times already. Ah, why did his Jungsoo have to be such a stickler for the rules?

“I know,” Heechul says, drawing closer to wrap an arm around Jungsoo’s waist. “And I respect that. You know I won’t make you do anything you don’t want.”

Jungsoo’s smile returns and leans against him. “Of course. I trust you, Heechul-ssi.”

Heechul smiles. “And that is all I ask of you.”

Suddenly, all the lights go out leaving only the lights on the stage in the middle of the room.

Heechul looks around as people begin to flock towards the stage.

“Jungsoo, what’s going on?”

“Ah, didn’t you check the program, Heechul-ssi? Performances are the highlights of Members’ Nights. They’re meant to showcase hosts, especially those who haven’t chosen patrons yet.”

Heechul frowns at the news. “So are you performing?”

Jungsoo’s eyes crinkle when he smiles. “It’s been a while since I’ve stopped. I really am getting too old for shows.”

Heechul is about to protest about Jungsoo being too old for anything when the host continues, “Besides, I’m not looking for a patron anymore. I’m here with you, am I not?”

—

Jongwoon yawns as he lies back for what would be a long wait. He wishes Heechul could have told him that he’ll be need to wait overnight so he could have brought his laptop and one or two of the DVDs in his collection that he is hadn’t watched yet. At least that way he’d have something to entertain Donghae with if and when the host decides to join him. Not that he was looking forward to seeing the host. True he hadn’t seen him since they had dinner with Haru at McD’s but shouldn’t the daily selcas have been enough?

Jongwoon sighs. He’s been looking through the photos on his phone since he got there and it really was weird to find a face in his photo gallery that wasn’t Haru or Jongjin and his wife or his parents after all this time. He stops scrolling at a photo he’d taken of Donghae and Haru walking ahead of him, talking to each other excitedly as the host held Haru’s hand. Donghae had later on revealed that he actually didn’t know how to deal with children, that Haru was the first child he’d interacted with for a while. Jongwoon smiles at the memory.

He goes through almost a quarter of the photos on his phone when suddenly, his phone begins ringing. It was Jung-nim. Jongwoon frowns. It was rare to get a call from the person who was technically his boss, even rarer to get it on his day off. He answers.

“Hello, Jung-nim. What can I do for—”

“Where’s Heechul-ssi?” The manager asks in a no-nonsense tone.

“He is… We’re at Gold, actually. He called me to drive him here so I—”

“Get him out of there.”

“What?”

“I said, get him out of there and back to his apartment. Quick. I’ll meet you there.”

“But why…”

His boss hesitates for a while before sighing and saying, “Someone contacted me. A scandal will drop in exactly an hour.”


	21. Show Time 🔥🔥🔥

Donghae checks his phone for the nth time that night. Jongwoon hadn't replied to his last message and Donghae wonders if it was adding the kissy-face emoji that did it. He'd been trying to keep the flirting at a minimum, doesn't want to scare off the manager who seemed to be slowly opening up to him. He even managed to convince Jongwoon to send a selca of him and Haru. Donghae had shamelessly made it his wallpaper the moment he received it, ignoring the gagging noises Hyukjae made at the back of his throat every time he'd see his best friend looking at it for long periods of time as Donghae was doing now, trying not to think about what he's supposed to be doing later on stage.

If Donghae were being honest, he has always felt that he has what it takes to be a performer. In middle school, he had actually entertained the idea of trying out for different agencies. He loved dancing and singing and people have been telling him even then that he had the looks of an idol so he thought, “why not?” But training cost money that his family didn't have and then the accident happened, leaving him in even more debt and the rest, as they say, is history. Donghae sighs, looking at his reflection in the mirror. He hates wearing eye makeup but the stylist said they wanted to highlight his eyes.

"It's not his eyes the audience will be looking at though," Hyukjae had called out helpfully from beside him but the stylist had ignored him and continued with their work.

Donghae looks at the sheer white shirt they made him wear, revealing just enough at the start to tantalize, even though everyone in the room would be expecting it to come off at some point. He remembers Jongwoon telling him to put his shirt back on back then and lets out a somewhat bitter laugh, the scarf he was wearing for a tie feeling more like a collar to him at the memory. Donghae knows he shouldn't be feeling like this. He and Hyukjae had practiced their routine over and over until it almost became instinctive not to mention that they had done this so many times before — clients seeming to like seeing them perform together like this. So why does Donghae feel so uneasy about the whole thing now?

A staff member calls him to get ready. He and Hyukjae are the third to perform, early enough to ensure that most of the VIPs would be in attendance and wouldn’t have left yet. Donghae tries not to think about the talk management would be having with him later when he yet again turns down the many offers of patronship.

With one last look at his phone, Donghae sighs and follows the staff backstage.

—

Jongwoon makes his way across the penthouse function room looking around for Heechul. Gold had put up a mobile signal jammer at the start of the event for security reasons, which forced Jongwoon to get out of the van to once again physically retrieve his boss. A celebrity scandal? Nobody had warned him that he’d be dealing with something like this so soon. He sighs. So that was how it worked apparently. A source who had the scoop would first contact the agency to see if they would like to “bargain.” Too bad for Heechul, the agency refused to pay off the source this time — apparently it was not the first scandal the celebrity had been involved in in the past six months.  

Jongwoon groans. It had already been fifteen minutes since he got there and he hadn't found Heechul yet. The fact that the only lights that were on were those on the stage didn't help in his search. He'd accidentally glanced at the stage for a moment when he first got there but quickly averted his eyes at the provocative performance. Ah, so it _was_ that kind of show. He wonders briefly if Donghae would be performing before reminding himself of the reason why he was there in the first place.

He bumps into a staff who turns out to be the receptionist — Iris, was it? Thankfully, she had seen Heechul and points him towards the grand piano at the back. He is about to go find him when the stage lights up once again and murmurs and gasps of admiration flow through the crowd.

Jongwoon's curiosity gets the better of him and he looks up. His eyes widen, mouth suddenly dry when he realizes who had just appeared on stage.

—

The music starts and Donghae begins dancing, eyes never leaving Hyukjae who is seated on a chair, dressed in an outfit in direct contrast with his own pristine white - a black fishnet shirt and black leather pants and dark eyeliner. They'd done this dance before, an elaborate lap dance with enough gyrations to make even the most stoic client blush and adjust their pants, only with roles reversed. Donghae sighs as he goes through the movement. Those demanding that he take on the role of the seducer had been particularly loud this year so they ended up doing it this way.

Donghae puts on his best seductive smile, moving towards Hyukjae as rehearsed, slowly taking off his shirt, leaving only the scarf tie, before taking a seat on the other's lap. Hyukjae smirks and licks his lips, totally in character, reaches out to steady Donghae when he perches on his lap. Donghae takes his scarf off to wrap it around Hyukjae's neck pulling him in close for a kiss. Excited murmurs ripple through the crowd once again as the two of them practically grind against each other in time with the music, Hyukjae's hands traveling down to squeeze the other's ass through almost see-through soft pants, pulling him closer. Donghae lets out a fake moan for effect, not entirely lost as the song reaches its climax. Hyukjae then hoists him up and onto his feet for the finale. They end with Hyukjae burying his face in Donghae's neck as if going in for a bite and Donghae looking out to the crowd for the first time.

Donghae heaves a sigh of relief, glad to have the performance over and done with, wants to just run off the stage and straight to the parking area where he knows he’ll find Jongwoon. Maybe seeing the manager would help dispel the feelings of unease he’s been having the entire day. He is about to let go of Hyukjae when suddenly he freezes,  heart beating almost out of his rib cage and eyes widening when they meet a familiar pair of equally shocked dark eyes watching him from across the room.


	22. Crisis

Donghae rushes off the stage as soon as the lights go out, throwing on a random jacket on his way down, doesn’t even bother changing his pants, which were almost see-through at that point, or slipping on his shoes. He makes his way through the crowd of clients and hosts, ignoring appreciative glances and wandering hands, the only thing on his mind being that he needed to reach Jongwoon. To do what? He hasn’t really figured out yet.

Donghae looks around frantically when he reaches the spot he’d last seen Jongwoon at, wondering where the manager could’ve gone to in such a short period of time and why he would have gone when he could have at least said “hi” and they could have gone back together to his van and hung out just like Jongwoon promised.

Donghae freezes as he remembers the look in Jongwoon’s eyes when their eyes met. There was shock, definitely —Jongwoon didn’t seem like the type to actually indulge in things like this if his reaction to Donghae was anything to go by — but there was something else and it was that something else that made Donghae run after him. Was it disappointment? Sadness? Anger? Disgust? Objectively, Donghae knows there’s no way Jongwoon could not have known what the job of a host entails but knowing is different from seeing it with his own two eyes and Donghae’s heart hurts at the thought that Jongwoon might not want to have anything to do with him after seeing that night’s performance.

“Daphne-ssi?” someone says and Donghae jumps, looking up to find Iris peering curiously at him. “Are you okay?”

Donghae sighs, forces a smile. “Ah, Iris-ssi. Yeah, I’m okay. I should go back now and… uhm, hey, did you by any chance see Heechul-ssi’s manager?”

“Ah, you mean Kim Jongwoon-ssi? Yeah, I saw him before your and Ariadne-ssi’s performance. He seemed to be in a rush to find Heechul-ssi. I think they both left already. Persephone-ssi saw them out.”

Oh. So that explained why Jongwoon was there. Such bad timing. Donghae blinks back tears of frustration, surprising himself at his reaction.

“A-ah, okay,” he croaks. “Thank you, Iris-ssi. I better go get changed now.” And with one final look around and a feeling of dejection, he goes backstage.

—

Jongwoon grits his teeth, keeping his eyes on the road. Their ride has been silent so far, if a bit tense, except for an occasional curse as Heechul looks through his phone. They hadn’t figured out what the scandal could be about, Jung-nim having refused to divulge it when Heechul called him, mad at the agency’s refusal to pay off the source. As a manager, it should’ve been the first and only thing on Jongwoon’s mind, how to help his talent deal with the situation. However, his attention was honestly elsewhere at that moment, mind still reeling at what he just witnessed.

He knows he shouldn’t be surprised. Donghae was, after all, a host and based on what he’d offered to do the night they first met, a public half-naked lap dance was one of the less scandalous things he could’ve done. What surprises Jongwoon about it is actually his reaction to it. Shock? Yes, of course. After all, he’s gotten a glimpse of the other side of Donghae and it just became too much for his brain to reconcile the fact that the Donghae who had laughed so carefree and held his daughter’s hand, whose eyes had sparkled with childish glee when handed his first Happy Meal, was the same as the person who was practically dry humping another man onstage. Jongwoon swallows as he is taken back to that moment.

He knew he should’ve looked away, should have saved himself the trouble and just went to retrieve Heechul at once, but he couldn’t, mesmerized by the host’s graceful movements and the expression on his face and for the first time in a long while, Jongwoon felt… What did he feel exactly? Attraction? Maybe. Say what you will about the host but he had one of the most beautiful faces Jongwoon had ever had the chance of seeing up close. Wonder? Sure. For some reason, Jongwoon hadn’t been able to stop thinking about him since the first time they met. But desire? Now that was definitely something new and a feeling Jongwoon doesn’t want to think about. It was, after all, one thing to think someone looks attractive and entirely another to feel like pulling him off his dance partner’s lap, wrapping his arms around him, and crashing their lips together in a possessive kiss. The subtle hints of jealousy do not help either — Who was that man? How could Donghae look at him and only him throughout the performance? Were they actually together and laughing at him and all the other clients pathetically enamored with the host?

Jongwoon clenches his fist, forces himself to take a long deep breath to calm himself down. This was so unlike him at all. He looks at his rearview mirror to check if Heechul had noticed his turmoil, only to find the other staring outside his window, a worried expression on his face. Jongwoon forces himself to relax his grip on the steering wheel and looks forward.

Focus, he tells himself. You’re on the job. Stop thinking about such unnecessary things.

On the passenger seat, Jongwoon’s phone vibrates with a message before going silent.


	23. Scandal

Heechul paces in front of his couch, agitated. It is five minutes before the supposed scandal is scheduled to drop and nobody has the slightest idea what it is going to be about. He and a distracted Jongwoon managed to reach his apartment in record time to find Jung-nim waiting outside, talking to somebody on his phone, already planning a news blackout.

“But what if it’s dropped in one of the forums?” Jongwoon pointed out. “Or worse, SNS?”

Jung-nim had cursed and dialled another number.

Three minutes and Jongwoon’s phone vibrates again with a message. He ignores it in favor of looking through Heechul’s various SNS accounts.

Two minutes and Heechul curses. Depending on the nature of the scandal, he might lose anywhere from a couple of endorsements to his entire variety show line up.

One minute. Heechul’s phone begins ringing.

30 seconds. The call goes to voicemail.

10… 9…

Jongwoon frowns, “Hyungnim, there’s been an attempt to access your…”

5… 4…

“Hyungnim, should I…”

3… 2… 1…

Jongwoon gasps and Heechul hurries to check the laptop screen. As the manager predicted, the source posted the scoop on all SNS platforms and Heechul’s official fan forum. What surprised the both of them was the content.

“Hyungnim… This is…”

Heechul curses. It’s a picture of him with his arms wrapped around Jungsoo from earlier that night taken from outside the window. Their faces had been blurred out but anyone who turned on their TV would have known it  is him, if the post didn’t already give it away. “Variety Star KHC Having an Affair with a GOLDen Host?” He presses next and sees another blurred out picture of him leaving Gold and entering their company’s van. Yet another and there appears a picture of Jungsoo wearing a plain white jersey and carrying a grocery bag.

Heechul’s phone begins to ring once again and he picks up without checking who was calling.

“What? Look, I’m in a pretty pissed off mood right now so whoever you are…”

“Kim Heechul-ssi?” A scrambled voice says, making Heechul freeze.

“What?”

“You are Kim Heechul-ssi, right?” A pause. “I’m guessing you’ve seen my present?”

“Present?” Heechul’s eyes narrow in understanding. “You asshole!”

“Aww, I thought you’d like those photos, especially of the host you seem to cherish so much. He looks so good in white, doesn’t he?”

“What? You bastard! How’d you even get… You know what, I don’t care. Tell me what you want! Is it money? I’ll give you however much you want just stay the fuck away from my Ju— Persephone.”

“Yours, is it?” The person on the other side of the phone laughs, sending a chill down Heechul’s spine. “There must be a misunderstanding here, Heechul-ssi. How can he be yours when the man you know as Park Jungsoo has never been anyone else’s but mine?”


	24. With tears and an empty bottle of wine

Jongwoon sighs as he practically crawls into his apartment a little past 4:00 in the morning. Thankfully, Jongjin had taken Haru home with him for the night when Jongwoon sent a message that he might be held back until morning because of work.

Tonight had been one of the most stressful nights Jongwoon ever experienced, filled with phone calls and emails and going on supply runs as Heechul prepared to stay out of the public eye until the issue dies down. At least the news black out was kind of working so they just had to work on getting those SNS posts down. Fan reactions were mixed though those expressing support were in the minority while most were conflicted because the other party is a host. On his part, Heechul had been in an extremely foul mood after the phone call from the one who posted the photos, had even attempted to leave for Gold only to be told that Gold was actually stopping operations for a while as well, some clients having expressed concerns over the recent publicity and possible security breaches. Heechul cursed and stormed into his room. He hadn’t emerged by the time Jung-nim told Jongwoon to go home for the night.

Jongwoon finally reaches his bed and flops down onto it, too tired to do anything but take off his work clothes before climbing under the covers. He would’ve passed out right there and then if his phone hadn’t vibrated with a message. He checks it just in case he needs to do something for work, blinks when he realizes that it is another message from Donghae.

It was the fifth one he received from the host since he left, the first four all being “Hyung 🥺” and nothing else. This time, he receives a selca showing the host wrapped in a checkered blanket, sad puppy eyes looking at him and the message, “Hyung, are you mad at me?”

Jongwoon sighs. He wasn’t mad, no. Just… confused, the host managing to evoke such feelings from him that he didn’t think were possible. He stares at Donghae’s face for almost a minute before sighing and sending his reply.

“No. Just tired,” he says, almost drops his phone on his face when it starts vibrating again this time with a video call. Jongwoon frowns, wondering if he could get away with ignoring it. Curiosity gets the better of him though and he receives it.

The phone screen goes dark for a while before Donghae’s flushed face comes into view.

“Jongwoon-hyung~” Donghae says, giggling. “You finally replied. I thought you hated me.” A pout. “I don’t know what I’d do if you said you hated me.”

Jongwoon frowns at the tear tracks on the host’s face and the slur in his speech. Was the host drunk?

“Good morning, Donghae-ssi,” he says, choosing the safer route. “Why are you still up?”

“I was waiting for you, hyung. They told me you left after our dance but I had to try so I got myself a bottle of wine and went down to the parking area just in case you’d come back but you didn’t and suddenly they were telling everyone to leave and that we’re not supposed to come to work for a couple of days so Hyukkie took me home and I’m sorry, hyung. I’m sorry my life is such a mess. Please tell me I still can go get Happy Meals with you and Haru-chan.”

Jongwoon blinks as he is subjected to the sad puppy eyes once again. Yup, the host is definitely drunk, extremely so. Jongwoon stubbornly ignores the part of himself that found this version of the host to be quite cute, in contrast to the version of him Jongwoon saw on stage that night.

Jongwoon tries to smile reassuringly. “Hey, didn’t I tell you I’m not mad? Why would I be? There was just a work emergency.”

“But…” Donghae sniffles. “Happy Meals…”

Jongwoon chuckles in spite of himself. Drunk Donghae really is too cute. “Fine. Sure, we could go get Happy Meals again if you want. Now stop crying and let’s both get some sleep, okay? We both had a rough night it seems.”

The host does stop crying then and just stares at him for a while before saying, “Hyung, your shoulders… are you naked?”

Jongwoon groans. “Goodnight, Donghae-ssi,” he says and ends the call,  tosses his phone onto his nightstand. Barely a minute later and he’s asleep, missing Donghae’s last message.

“Thank you for not hating me, hyung.” It says and then, “Btw, just so you know, I do sleep naked too 😉 Sweet dreams, hyung 💋”

On hindsight, it almost seemed prophetic.


	25. Dreams: Jongwoon 🔥🔥🔥

Jongwoon has never had this dream before.

He is seated on a stage in his usual work clothes — a button up shirt, black pants and a tie — sweating a bit from the heat of the stage lights. He doesn’t remember how he got there or why, just sits there as though waiting for someone. Suddenly, a familiar melody plays and someone steps onto the stage with him. His breath hitches when he realizes who it is.

It is Donghae just as how Jongwoon remembers him from the night before, only this time the host’s pants were gone, leaving him in only the long flowy translucent shirt and silk scarf tie. Unlike the Donghae of the previous night, however, his eyes are fixed on no one else but Jongwoon.

Jongwoon swallows, cannot make himself look away as the host starts going through the familiar steps, movements seeming more graceful and sensual as he approaches, the air between them charged with so much tension, Jongwoon could hardly breathe when Donghae steps between his legs, leans in close seeming to go in for a kiss, before smirking and dropping to his knees.

This wasn’t how the dance went, not at all, and suddenly Jongwoon is scared. Of what, he isn’t exactly sure. Definitely not the way the host is looking at him with half-lidded eyes, licking his lips with an expression Jongwoon is so sure is mirrored in his own nor the way the host places two gentle but firm hands on his thighs, making him spread his legs to better accommodate him. It’s definitely not the way Donghae’s lips almost seemed to glisten under the stage lights when he bends down to take Jongwoon’s zipper between his teeth.

Jongwoon tries to protest then, tries to force himself to move and stop the host. No. He tells himself. This is wrong. Donghae may tease and joke with him but he could never…

Jongwoon groans as he feels the host nuzzling against him and he realizes, with embarrassment, that he is hard. He feels Donghae smirk knowingly as the host begins mouthing at him through his boxers, deft hands reaching up to undo his belt and pants enough to be able to pull them down.

Jongwoon grits his teeth, tries not to moan at the feeling of warm breath ghosting over him when suddenly, a warm mouth surrounds him and he loses himself to the sensation.

Jongwoon groans at a particularly hard suck, fisting a hand in Donghae’s hair to stop himself from thrusting into the host’s willing mouth. Donghae moans around him at the almost rough treatment, hollowing his cheeks and taking Jongwoon in deeper, making the older man close his eyes at the intensity of the pleasure he hasn’t felt for a while.

It doesn’t take long before Jongwoon feels an orgasm coming, tries to warn Donghae who just looks at him with sparkling eyes and sucks harder, tipping him over the edge and filling the host’s mouth.

“Oh my god, Donghae-ssi. I’m sorry, I…”

Donghae swallows and Jongwoon is mesmerized by the movement of his Adam’s apple. The host rises then with a satisfied expression and deposits himself on Jongwoon’s lap, pulling him in closer by his tie.

“Donghae-ssi..?”

And Donghae smiles for the first time, looking at him with such tenderness that leaves Jongwoon speechless as the host leans in once again.

“This is for you, Jongwoon-hyung. I hope you had a nice dream,” he says before capturing Jongwoon’s lips in a passionate kiss.


	26. Chance meetings

Jongwoon wakes up gasping for breath, feeling as though he had just run a marathon. What the heck was that dream? Sure, he may have always found Donghae attractive — who wouldn’t with his naturally handsome features and soulful eyes — and after what he'd seen last night, the attraction could only grow but seriously…

He sits up, rakes a hand through his sweaty hair and groans. Of all the things he could dream of, why did it have to be that? The memory of the morning he'd spent with the host comes to his mind unbidden, the image of Donghae bent over his crotch, zipper between his teeth, overlapping with that of Donghae doing the same thing in his dream and he curses. How was he supposed to face the host now?

_Well, you actually could have had that if only you hadn't chickened out that night,_ a voice that sounds suspiciously like Heechul says in his head. _Would’ve saved you from all this unnecessary angst just because you dreamt of someone you know giving you a blow job._

Jongwoon shifts, refusing to acknowledge the voice, and it is only then that he notices the he's still hard. He groans, torn between embarrassment at being confronted with proof  and relief that he hadn't actually come from the vivid dream. Snippets of said dream come to mind once again and Jongwoon forces himself to get up before he does something stupid, practically runs to the bathroom, jumps in the shower and turns it on to its coldest setting. He hopes that it would be enough.

—

Jongwoon sneezes as he walks down the sidewalk to the address on the piece of paper Heechul had given him. The celebrity has been confined to his apartment since last night with managers taking turns attending to him. The agency had been keeping silent so far, though some tabloids and news sites had already picked up on it and were demanding a statement. Of course, how to handle the situation was for management to decide. Heechul seemed to be less concerned about the impact of the scandal on his career than finding out if Jungsoo was okay. Jongwoon considered asking Donghae but his dream coupled with the last message he'd received from the host stopped him from doing so.

Jongwoon sighs, taking out his phone to check if he is going in the right direction, having been given explicit orders not to input the address on his phone. Jongwoon had raised an eyebrow at such an unusual request but knew better than to ask.

He stops in front of a plain two-storey building, a strange sight among the high-rise apartments and trendy coffee shops in the area. He blinks at the sign that says "Walala Productions" in bold letters and frowns. Was this the place? Cautiously, he enters the main door and is immediately greeted by a pleasant looking receptionist.

"Hello. Welcome to Walala. Are you here to sign your child up for lessons?"

Jongwoon smiles politely and shakes his head, "Uhm, no. I'm looking for Shin Donghee-ssi."

The receptionist looks at him strangely. "Oh. Okay then. Just go down that corridor and turn left. Shindong-ssi is in Studio 3."

_Studio?_

Jongwoon frowns and checks his pocket for the phone Heechul had given him with instructions not to turn it on and to hand it over to no one but a man named Shin Donghee. He makes his way down the corridor as told and easily finds the correct room. He clears his throat, straightens his tie, and opens the glass door into what appears to be a dance studio. He sees two men talking at the far end of the room and walks towards them.

"Excuse me, good afternoon. My name is Kim Jongwoon. Kim Heechul-ssi sent me. I'm looking for Shin Donghee-ssi."

The two men turn to look at him and Jongwoon's eyes widen when he recognizes one of them.

"You!" He blurts out. "You're…"

The man just looks at him blankly for a couple of seconds before recognition dawns on him and he says, "Jongwoon-hyung? As in Hae-chagiya's Jongwoon-hyung? Wow, you really do wear such horrible ties."

And for the first time in a long while, Jongwoon feels like hitting someone he just met.


	27. Hyukjae’s Strange Day

Hyukjae has been having such a strange day. Well, he knew his last official Members’ Night would have been weird, especially when for the first time since he joined Gold, he actually had the luxury of rejecting offers of patronship. What he didn’t expect was Gold’s sudden temporary shutdown due to a celebrity scandal. Not to mention his best friend’s strange behavior before and especially after their performance. When all the commotion had died down, he found Donghae sitting on the floor of the parking area, nursing an almost empty bottle of wine and crying about Happy Meals. Hyukjae had sighed in exasperation. Donghae had always been a lightweight, which is why he rarely drank when they went out together, so it was such a strange thing to find him this drunk. So he’d taken Donghae home and had planned to sleep in until at least noon but then he woke up at 10:00 AM. Grumbling, he’d been preparing to go back to sleep when a message from Donghee asking him if he was free had him jumping out of bed and into the shower. It was a rare thing for Donghee to send him a message and when he did, it was usually about the studio, so Hyukjae knew he shouldn’t really be getting his hopes up.

_Well_ , he told himself when he was finally dressed and throwing on a bucket hat. _If anything, at least you’ll be getting a free meal and decent conversation._

He reaches the studio and enters casually, greeting Yuri at the desk who tells him Donghee is at Studio 3. He enters and finds Donghee sitting on the floor, fiddling with a laptop. He didn’t have earphones on and the sound of cheerful bubblegum pop fills the studio.

Hyukjae raises a brow at the choice of music, making his way towards the other.

“Hyung,” Hyukjae greets him when he comes close enough and Donghee looks up. His expression brightens when he sees who disturbed him.

“Hyukjae-ssi,” he says, laying his laptop aside and standing up. “I never got a reply from you so I assumed you were busy.”

Hyukjae smiles. “Sorry. I was actually just sleeping in.”

“You don’t have work today?” Donghee asks.

Hyukjae shrugs. “Something like that. So, hyung, what do you want me for?”

“Lunch,” Donghee says. “I mean, I wanted to ask you if you’d like to go out for lunch but then it seemed like it was too late so I started working on this setlist.”

“Setlist?”

Donghee looks embarrassed. “Well, someone asked me to direct a live event so I have to watch all these MVs and performances.”

“Wow!” Hyukjae exclaims, genuinely excited. “That’s awesome, hyung! Show me?”

Donghee does and they end up watching a girl group’s videos together and discussing their choreography. At first, Hyukjae was a bit hesitant to give his opinions but Donghee actually looked like he wanted to hear them, making Hyukjae feel like himself for the first time in a while. This comes as a bit of a surprise — Hyukjae had thought he’d lost himself long ago in all the lies and pretending he’s had to do to survive.

"I'm a choreographer," he tells his sick mother and worried sister every time he’d call to say that he’d sent some money home for them.

"I can be anything you want me to be," he tells his clients and tries to be, if only for the time they’d paid for.

"I work in insurance," he had told Donghee the first time they met and wishes he hadn’t. Donghee is honest and kind, speaks his mind but is never intentionally cruel and judgmental. Knowing him as he does now, Hyukjae doubts his being a host would’ve even been an issue. Someday, he wishes he’d be able to find the courage to tell Donghee the truth about himself.

They continue working on the setlist for an hour and a half more until Hyukjae’s stomach rumbles and he is reminded that he hasn’t really eaten since the night before.

Donghee laughs and suggests that they get take out when the door to the studio opens and in walks a tall man with disheveled hair. He was wearing a suit and Hyukjae almost bursts out laughing at the bright orange tie with pineapples.

“Excuse me, good afternoon. My name is Kim Jongwoon. Kim Heechul-ssi sent me. I'm looking for Shin Donghee-ssi."

The man looks up, meets Hyukjae’s gaze, and sharp eyes widen in shock.

"You!" the man exclaims. “You're…"

Hyukjae frowns. Somehow, the man looked familiar. He begins going through Gold’s clients when suddenly it clicks.

“Jongwoon-hyung? As in Hae-chagiya's Jongwoon-hyung? Wow, you really do wear such horrible ties."

If looks could kill, Hyukjae is sure Donghee finding out about what he does for a living would be the last of his worries.


	28. For the record

Jongwoon shifts uncomfortably as he stands in front of the last person he’d expected to see that day. Lee Hyukjae, he said his name was. He seemed easygoing enough but there was something about him that rubbed Jongwoon the wrong way and no, it had nothing to do with last night’s performance nor the way the host had casually referred to Donghae as “Hae-chagiya.”

Shin Donghee had accepted the phone and without even looking at it, smiled and asked Jongwoon to wait before walking into a small room at the back of the studio and shutting the door.

Jongwoon had blinked, confused, while Hyukjae groaned something about bad timings and took out his phone.

Jongwoon hears the sound of a shutter and frowns when he realizes that Hyukjae had taken his photo. “Yah! Hyukjae-ssi! It’s not nice to take photos of people you barely know without asking.”

“Relax, manager-nim,” Hyukjae says, making Jongwoon’s hackles rise at the use of that name. “I just took a photo and sent it to Hae. God knows he’s been wanting one for weeks, among other things.”

“Uhm, what?”

The host rolls his eyes at him. “Ah. Hae really wasn’t joking when he said you’re dense.”

Jongwoon has had enough. “Yah! Hyukjae-ssi, I don’t know what problem you have with me to merit this attitude. Whatever it is, just say it or ignore me.”

Hyukjae smirks at him. “Ah, but you’re wrong, manager-nim. From where I’m standing, it seems like it’s you who has a problem with me.”

Jongwoon sputters, taken aback. “Me?”

Hyukjae laughs. “Don’t bother denying it. I know jealousy when I see it.”

“Jealousy?”

Hyukjae laughs even more. “Oh my god, so you don’t even know… ah, my poor Hae-chagiya. Just what did you get yourself into this time.”

Jongwoon growls. “Enough. Hyukjae-ssi, I’m really trying not to punch you right now because it will reflect badly on Heechul-hyungnim so just please shut the hell up.”

Hyukjae just looks at him, amused. “We’re not.”

“Excuse me?”

“Hae and I, we aren’t dating or anything  just so you know.”

“You’re… not?”

Hyukjae nods. “We aren’t. Why do you look  so… oh. You saw last night’s performance, didn’t you?” A knowing smirk. “So, did you enjoy it?”

“W-what? I…”

“Fine, fine. I’ll take pity on you and leave it at that. And yeah, just to emphasize: Hae and I are best friends, nothing more. I mean I’d die for him, sure, but I could never date him. High-maintenance pretty boys aren’t exactly my type.”

“What’s your type then?” Jongwoon asks before he could stop himself.

Hyukjae looks at Jongwoon appraisingly from head to foot then sighs dramatically. “You’d probably do if you’d only lose the tie.”

“Hyukjae-ssi…”

“Joking, joking. I know better than to go after you. Besides, I’m actually already spoken for.”

“Oh. So you and Shin Donghee-ssi..?”

Hyukjae giggles. “Yeah. He just doesn’t know it yet. By the way, Jongwoon-ssi,” Suddenly, he turns serious and it throws Jongwoon off a bit. “Fair warning. Do be careful about Donghae’s feelings. I mean, he is quite dumb so he might not realize what’s going on until he’s already in too deep so when the time comes, just please be honest and let him down gently. I really don’t want a repeat of the last time and there’s just so many times a heart could break, you know?”

The door Donghee had disappeared to opens and the both freeze. “Also, not a word about where I work to Shindong-hyung, okay? Or else I’m telling Donghae you have his selca as your wallpaper. Now smile politely and act as if I’d just sold you the best ever life insurance policy in Seoul.”


	29. Too many coincidences

Jongwoon sighs, squinting at the rain falling against the windshield of the company van. He had gone to pick Haru up from Jongjin's apartment after running a few more errands for Heechul so when asked to stay for dinner, he had politely declined, wanting nothing more but to collapse onto his bed and sleep for weeks. Now though, with the storm raging outside and almost zero visibility, he wishes they had stayed longer. He peers at Haru through the rear-view mirror and sees her nodding off while watching the rain outside. Suddenly, his stomach rumbles, reminding him that he hadn't had anything to eat since lunch so he pulls into the parking lot of a random convenience store, hoping that they at least had some curry powder he could use to cook dinner at home.

"Haru-chan?" he calls, unbuckling his seatbelt, shrugging on a jacket on top of his suit, and reaching for an umbrella. "Appa just has to run quickly to the convenience store over there to get things for dinner. Do you want anything?"

Haru blinks sleepily at him. "Banana milk?" She says, rubbing his eyes.

Jongwoon smiles. "Okay, Haru-chan. Just sit tight and don't open the doors for anyone, okay?" He reaches back to pat his daughter's head before he opens the door and his umbrella and braves the storm outside.

He runs the short distance to the door of the convenience store and steps inside. It is almost deserted, except for a few people who seemed to be waiting out the storm as well and a bored part-timer at the cash register who looked like he wanted to be anywhere else but there. He closes his umbrella and leaves it beside the door, hoping it would still be there when he gets back, before going down the aisles looking for what he needs.

Grocery-shopping had always been one of the things he and Miyuki enjoyed doing together and for some reason, looking through several rows of instant ramen and curry, he suddenly feels a sudden pang of loneliness. It wouldn't have been so unusual if not for the timing and its intensity and Jongwoon sighs. Maybe it is the stress of the day or the lack of sleep or the hunger or having to confront certain feelings he doesn’t understand that makes him suddenly wish that he wasn't so alone. He reaches the end of the aisle and still couldn't find his usual brand of curry powder, is almost resigned to just buying some bento for himself and Haru when a familiar voice says behind him.

"Ah, their choices of instant ramen suck, don't they?"

Jongwoon's eyes widen and he straightens up to find an equally surprised pair of eyes looking at him.

"Jongwoon-hyung?" Donghae says, confused, allowing Jongwoon to take in the host's appearance — fluffy pale blue pajamas, slippers, hair tied up in a half-ponytail and was that a pink scrunchie? He pops a cherry red lollipop out of his mouth and Jongwoon tries not to stare at lips stained red by the candy, carefully keeping his thoughts away from a certain dream he had involving said mouth.

"Jongwoon-hyung?" Donghae calls again. "Hey, are you okay? Look, if it's about anything I said or did yesterday, I…"

"No!" Jongwoon shouts a little bit too loudly, blushing in spite of himself. "I mean, I’m okay. Uhm, Donghae-ssi. What are you doing here?"

Donghae smiles, mutters something that sounds suspiciously like "cute" under his breath. "I live here. I mean, near here. Obviously otherwise I wouldn't go out like this." He gestures to his outfit. "I was just supposed to get dinner but ended up getting stuck here because I somehow lost my umbrella. You?"

"Same," Jongwoon says. "I mean, I was planning to cook curry for dinner and I could barely see the road so I left Haru in the car and stopped by but it seems like the store doesn't carry my usual brand of curry powder."  
 

"Curry?" Donghae says, standing beside Jongwoon and looking through the selection as well. He reaches for a packet and presents it to Jongwoon. "Here. I usually use this."

Jongwoon blinks at him. "You… cook?"

Donghae shrugs. "I do? Why do you look so surprised?"

“No reason,” Jongwoon coughs. "Hey, if you need a lift—”

"Let me cook for you."

"What?"

"Curry. Let me cook it for you and Haru. Consider it thanks for the Happy Meal you got me the last time. Oh, and by the way, I hope you didn’t listen to Hyukkie." A wink. "Your tie looks cute, manager-nim." And with that, Donghae pops his lollipop back into his mouth and walks towards the next aisle.


	30. Queue

They line up to pay for their purchases behind an annoyed office worker and a couple that were getting too handsy with each other. Jongwoon adjusts his grip on their basket and looks away uncomfortable at the public display, glad he’d left Haru in the van.

Donghae notices his discomfort and tries to distract him by telling him the embarrassing story of his and Hyukjae’s first attempt at buying condoms and lube back when they were in high school.

Jongwoon tries to laugh, he really does, especially at Donghae’s exaggerated storytelling, but couldn’t entirely ignore the bitter taste the story leaves in his mouth.

“Do I even want to know why you were buying those things together?” He asks, the question coming out more sharply than Jongwoon intended and Donghae blinks at him, surprised.

Jongwoon coughs and looks away, blushing. “Never mind. I’m sorry. It’s not my place to ask. Whatever is going on between you and Hyukjae-ssi…”

“It was a dare.”

“What?”

“We were buying them on a dare, hyung, certainly not…” A mischievous smile. “Hey, Jongwoon-hyung, could it be that you’re jealous of Hyukkie?”

”What? Jealous? I…” Jongwoon continues to stammer and Donghae laughs.

“Ah, you really are cute, manager-nim.”

The office worker leaves the counter after paying, bumping into Donghae as he goes past, making the host lose his balance. Jongwoon reaches out just in time to wrap his free arm around Donghae’s shoulders and steady the other against him.

“Hey! Watch where you’re going!” Jongwoon shouts at the office-worker, surprising Donghae who’d honestly never thought him capable of being anything but gentle. The office-worker ignores him and Jongwoon feels his temper rise. How dare that punk do that to his Donghae and just walk away.

“Ya, did you hear me? I said…”

“Manager-nim. ” Donghae says, placatingly, regretfully pulling away from the warmth of the accidental embrace. “Hey, it’s okay, really. Some people are just rude like that. Nothing to ruin our night over, okay?”

Jongwoon takes a deep breath, trying to calm himself down.

“Jongwoon-hyung.”

Jongwoon startles when Donghae takes the hand he’d balled into a fist at his side into his own, rubbing circles on its back soothingly. “Hey, did you know? Omma always said that when you cook when you’re in a bad temper, whatever you’re cooking is bound to taste very bitter no matter what you do.”

Jongwoon lets out a laugh, anger suddenly dissipating.

“I thought you’re the one who’s cooking for us, Donghae-ssi,” he teases as they move forward, placing their basket on the countertop.

Donghae laughs loudly, drawing the attention of the other people in the convenience store. The one who looks like a college student looks at the host way longer than necessary and Jongwoon frowns, moves to block the other’s view of his Donghae as the cashier continues scanning the things they bought.

“Manager-nim?”

Donghae looks questioningly at him and Jongwoon shakes his head. Embarrassingly, he realizes that he’s been thinking of Donghae as his in his mind and really where did that come from?

They wait for the cashier to finish placing the items into a paper bag and Jongwoon is about to pay when Donghae grabs a handful of lollipops and places them on the counter.

Jongwoon raises a brow at him and Donghae shrugs, pouting.

“What? I seems to have developed an oral fixation lately for some reason and hey, I’m cooking you dinner. What’s a couple of lollipops? Don’t be stingy, manager-nim.”

Jongwoon’s brain short circuits at the words ‘oral fixation,’ eyes automatically going to Donghae’s candy-stained lips, reminding him vividly of his dream.

“Fine,” he says, allowing the cashier to scan them, hurriedly pays, before grabbing the bag and walking away, leaving Donghae at the counter to gather his lollipops.

“Jongwoon-hyung!” Donghae calls after him. “Hey, where are you going? Just let me unwrap one first. Jongwoon-hyung! Hey! Wait for me!”

And Jongwoon wonders if agreeing to have the host over was a mistake after all.


	31. No candy before dinner

Donghae sits snugly on the passenger seat of Jongwoon’s van humming softly and wrapping the coat that Jongwoon lent him closer around himself. He was surprised when he finally caught up to Jongwoon in front of the door of the convenience store only to have the older man thrust the bag of groceries into his arms before taking off the coat he was wearing and handing it to him telling him to wear it. Donghae smiles as he remembers the pleasant warmth he felt when he first put the jacket on, mostly from Jongwoon’s lingering body heat, wonders if it would make things more awkward if he suddenly asked for a hug when he hears Jongwoon sneeze for the third time in as many minutes. He takes the lollipop he’d been sucking on out of his mouth with a pop and turns to Jongwoon with a concerned expression.

“Hey, Jongwoon-hyung, are you okay? Did you catch a cold? Maybe I shouldn’t have taken your jacket when you offered.”

Jongwoon just smiles and waves him off, keeps his eyes on the road, tries not to think about the way Donghae had been playing with his lollipop, lips stained a pretty shade of red.

“Ah, don’t worry. This will probably just end up being a minor cold at worst. I’ll take some meds when we get home.”

“A minor cold, he says.” Donghae sighs and turns to look at the back seat. “Haru-chan, is your appa really this bad at taking care of himself?”

Haru looks away from watching the rain and gives Donghae a thoughtful look. “Haru-chan… I mean, I think appa takes good care of himself. He doesn’t get sick that much and gets well really quick when he does.”

“Oh? So it’s Haru-chan who looks after Jongwoon-hyung when he gets sick? What a smart girl.” Donghae reaches out to pat her head. “Jongwoon-hyung really is lucky to have such a pretty, cute, and reliable daughter.”

“Donghae-ssi,” Jongwoon says mock-warningly.

“What? She is pretty and cute.”

“And Hae-oppa-nim is pretty and cute too. Don’t you think so, Appa?”

Donghae stares expectantly at him and Jongwoon clears his throat, coughs into his hand though it does nothing to disguise the way his ears turned red at his daughter’s innocent question.

“Right, appa?” Haru repeats, joining Donghae in the staring.

Jongwoon sighs. “Finish your banana milk, Haru-chan,” he dodges. “We’re almost home.”

“Okay, Appa,” Haru says. “But Hae-oppa-nim still has his lollipop. Hae-oppa-nim should finish it too if he doesn’t want to spoil his dinner.”

Jongwoon mutters something under his breath and Donghae blinks at Haru.

“Haru-chan, has anyone ever told you you’re too smart for your own good?” A sigh. “Oh well, I guess I’ll be having the banana-flavored one after dinner then.”

Haru beams up at him and Jongwoon makes a strangled noise at the back of his throat as he pulls into the parking lot of his and Haru’s apartment.

It was going to be a long night.


	32. Home

Jongwoon unlocks the door to his and Haru’s apartment and leads Donghae in. Donghae follows after them, looking around at the surprisingly neat living room, watches as Jongwoon and Haru suddenly stop before a shelf, send up a prayer before smiling at the picture of a beautiful woman.

“We’re home, Miyuki.”

“Tadaima, okaachaan.”

Donghae averts his gaze from the tender scene, suddenly feeling like an intruder. Knowing was different from seeing and he can’t help but feel a little bit guilty for even being there in the first place.

“Hae-oppa-nim,” he feels a tug on the sleeve of his jacket and looks down to see Haru beaming up at him. “Come on.   Appa’s getting things ready in the kitchen.”

Donghae blinks, the heavy feeling in his chest lifting a bit as he follows Haru through the living room and into the kitchen where Jongwoon was sorting through their groceries. He had taken off his tie, leaving the top two buttons of his shirt unbuttoned, and rolled up his sleeves and Donghae suddenly feels him mouth go dry at that much exposed skin.

Jongwoon looks up as Donghae and Haru approach and Donghae’s heart starts pounding crazily as he smiles and says, “So, Donghae-ssi. Shall we get started?”

“S-started?” Donghae squeaks and Jongwoon laughs.

“You offered to cook us curry, remember? I might as well help since you might not know the way around our kitchen.”

“C-curry? Uhm, right,” Donghae says, hoping he didn’t sound as shaken as he felt, shrugging off Jongwoon’s jacket, hanging it over a chair before walking behind the counter as Haru goes to perch on a stool to watch. “I guess we should start with the vegetables.”

“Sure,” Jongwoon says, handing him a peeler. “Just let me take the meat out of the fridge.”

Donghae lets out a relieved sigh when Jongwoon leaves his side for a bit, the manager’s proximity making him feel oddly jumpy.

“Get a grip, Donghae,” he tells himself while furiously peeling a carrot. “It’s just his forearms, what the heck?” Not to mention that Haru and Miyuki-ssi, in a sense, were just right there.

Donghae jumps when he feels a small hand cover his own that was holding the peeler.

“Donghae-ssi, are you okay?”

Donghae looks up at Jongwoon and there is something in the host’s expression that makes the other let go of his hand, averting his eyes.

“Uhm…”

“That was…”

Jongwoon coughs. “You were taking off a bit too much.”

Donghae blinks at him dumbly.

“The carrot,” Jongwoon clarifies. “You should ease your hold on the peeler so you won’t take off too much.”

“Oh,” Donghae says, looking at the shreds to find that he really was taking off more than just the peeling. “Sorry.”

Jongwoon laughs. “It’s okay but Donghae-ssi, are you sure you really know how to cook?”

Donghae blushes and doesn’t look at him, focusing on peeling the carrot properly this time.

“I was the younger of two brothers. Of course I knew how to cook,” he says rather defensively.

_Was?_ Jongwoon wants to ask. "Knew?" He asks instead, going for the safer route.

Donghae shrugs, continues. “It’s kinda boring cooking just for myself so I barely do now. I used to know how to cook more stuff.”

“Appa only knows how to make curry and soup and fried things,” Haru pipes up then and Jongwoon groans.

“Haru-chan, please stop exposing your Appa.”

Donghae laughs. “Aww, poor Haru-chan. Forced to live on curry and soup and fried things. Shame on you, manager-nim.”

“Appa does a bad job at cutting the potatoes too,” Haru continues and Donghae laughs harder at Jongwoon’s reddening face.

“Haru-chan…”

“It tastes great though,” Haru says, as though to save her father from further embarrassment.

“It should,” Jongwoon says, smiling fondly. “Your omma was the one who taught me to make it.”

“Oh,” Donghae says, laughter suddenly dying down. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Jongwoon gives him a small smile. “It has already been five years since she left us.”

“But you and Haru must still miss her a lot,” Donghae says, stopping himself from placing a comforting hand on the other’s arm.

“More than anything,” Jongwoon says sincerely before changing the subject. “Now about those potatoes…”

—

Jongwoon wakes up to the sound of a movie playing in the background and two comforting weights leaning against him. The rain hadn’t stopped by the time he, Haru, and Donghae had finished eating dinner so he’d decided to let Donghae stay for the night. Haru’s eyes practically sparkled at the idea of a sleepover and had promptly dragged the host to the couch to choose a movie, leaving Jongwoon to make the popcorn.

Jongwoon looks beside him to find said host sleeping on his shoulder with Haru curled up between them also asleep. It really amazed Jongwoon how quickly his daughter had taken a liking to Donghae. Haru was a sweet kid but definitely a bit choosy about whom she lets close. It had worried Jongwoon a bit when she began going to school but thankfully she had managed to make a few friends and her teachers say she actually plays with anyone who wants to.

Donghae stirs, murmuring something in his sleep that Jongwoon doesn’t quite catch and shifting closer, and Jongwoon is mesmerized, the attraction he feels for the host once again rearing its ugly head. He wishes he hadn’t acknowledged it, hadn’t given a name to the feelings he was slowly, irrationally developing for the other. Donghae was a host. For all Jongwoon knew, Donghae might actually just be teasing every time he’d flirt or say something that would make Jongwoon think the attraction could be mutual. Besides, when it comes down to it, Jongwoon doesn’t even know if he could actually give Donghae what he could want, a relationship or otherwise. He’s only ever loved, been in love, once and if Jongwoon were being honest, even these one-sided feelings were already making him feel as though he were betraying Miyuki’s memory.

“Appa,” he hears a soft voice murmur and he looks down to find Haru looking up at him. Donghae groans, stirs and curls up the other way, allowing Jongwoon to turn to Haru. His daughter. All he’s ever done up to this point was for Haru’s happiness and that should be enough so he couldn’t help but feel the slightest bit selfish for suddenly wanting something more in his life.

“Appa,” Haru repeats and Jongwoon smiles, banishing such thoughts.

“You fell asleep, Haru-chan,” he says, gently ruffling her hair. “Now let’s get you to bed, shall we?”

“But Hae-oppa-nim…”

Jongwoon’s eyes widen, heart warming at the sound of the his daughter saying the host’s name.

“Ah, I’ll come back to tuck him in later. Now up you go,” he says as he stands up to carry his daughter.

“Okay, Appa,” Haru says, leaning her head against her father’s shoulder and murmurs. “Tell him ‘sweet dreams’ for me?”

“Sure, Haru-chan. I’ll tell him,” Jongwoon promises as he walks towards his daughter’s bedroom.

—

Jongwoon comes back to the living room with a pillow and a blanket, wishing he had more to offer. He turns off the television, the room suddenly turning silent, the sound of Donghae’s rhythmic breathing against the falling rain oddly comforting.

Jongwoon kneels beside the couch and slides the pillow he brought under Donghae’s head, gently cradling it as he does so, before covering the host up with the blanket. He plans to leave after doing so, he really does, but Jongwoon finds himself watching the other sleep. In this light, the host looked almost innocent and Jongwoon wonders how many people have been allowed to see this side of him. Jongwoon frowns at the unpleasant thought. He blinks as Donghae scrunches his nose and curls up closer to him, as though sensing his thoughts, and it is such an endearing gesture that it makes Jongwoon want to do something incredibly stupid as he watches soft lips part with what vaguely sounds like his name. As though in a trance, he leans in, feeling the host’s breath fan against his own lips as he nears, heart beating loudly in his ears drowning out all reason, a part of a certain dream replaying itself over and over in Jongwoon’s head.

The clock chimes as it strikes midnight and Donghae stirs again, breaking the spell, and Jongwoon panics, scrambling away in horror at the realization of what he was about, had wanted to do — here in his apartment while his daughter sleeps and with the picture of his dearly departed wife as witness.

Disoriented, he stands up, cursing himself for almost slipping up. No. He couldn’t do this. Not to himself. Not to Haru. This was stupid and irresponsible and wouldn’t end well for anyone. He clenches his fist, walking hurriedly away and towards his room before he does anything else he would regret, turning the lights off as he goes.

In the darkness, Donghae’s eyes snap open, breathing heavily as he looks after Jongwoon’s retreating back, confused.


	33. Red

It rains.

Jungsoo huddles under his white umbrella as he walks home from the supermarket, keeping his head bowed and pulling the coat he is wearing tighter around himself. The coat is a bright shade of red, an anomaly in the host’s wardrobe of muted colors and whites. It was a gift from Heechul, the only one Jungsoo had allowed himself to receive from the other man, given on his birthday this year and something he’d never really worn out until today.

Jungsoo sighs. Management had told him to lie low, to wait the scandal out especially with his face plastered all over SNS and internet forums by now, but then he needed to eat too and Jungsoo had been putting off restocking his kitchen for far too long. The rain comes as a blessing, in that sense, since most people he meets are too busy rushing to get home to pay him any mind, except for the expected double takes at his brightly colored coat.

Jungsoo doesn't even know why he'd worn it out. He'd been more diligent about doing his laundry than stocking his kitchen so it wasn't like he didn't have other options. But then he remembers the stupid grin that spread across its giver's face when he first tried it on and yeah, that was probably it. He wishes he could reach out to Heechul now — he'd memorized the other's phone number that one time he'd seen Heechul's records but Jungsoo knew the consequences of breaking Gold's rules and didn't want to risk getting into trouble again. So he wears Heechul's gift in Heechul's favored color and takes as much comfort from it as he could as well as in the knowledge that the scandal, like everything else, would eventually come to pass.

He is trying to remember where he'd hidden his steamer when he bumps into someone, causing an apple to fall from his grocery bag. The person he'd bumped into bends down to pick it up and Jungsoo looks up to thank him and apologize when the words die in his throat. And for the first time in a long while, Jungsoo finds himself frozen in terror when the man who is not a stranger after all holds out the mud-spattered apple to him.

“You’ve always hated it but red does quite suit you.” The man says with a smirk, taking in the stunned expression on the host’s face. “It’s been a while, hasn’t it, my beautiful Jungsoo?”

The white umbrella falls from suddenly limp fingers to the ground as Jungsoo feels his world come crashing down all over again.


	34. Sorry

Heechul paces in his living room, restless again for some reason, his favorite Chinese drama playing in the background. Donghee had managed to extract what little information he can about the source of the call — a masked number but nothing the genius couldn’t decode — as well as unscramble the tiny snippet of conversation that Heechul had managed to record. There was no match during the initial run so they had no clue yet about the caller’s identity but Donghee had promised to do a more in-depth search.

Heechul sighs.

From what he’s gathered so far, this didn’t seem to be the work of a normal sasaeng — a bit too planned, too orchestrated, too deliberate that a normal fan blinded by obsession might not be capable of. And that phone call…

Jungsoo was his, the caller had said. Jungsoo was his and it is all Heechul could do not to punch the wall again in his frustration. How dare that bastard say that and how the hell did he know Jungsoo anyway? From what Jungsoo has told him, Heechul was practically his patron and they were supposed to make it official on Members’ Night.

Heechul jumps when an unfamiliar ring tone sounds — his spare phone that he barely uses for anything except…

He rushes to answer, heart pounding inexplicably as he picks up.

“Hello?”

“Heechul-ssi?” The voice cracks with a bit of static but Heechul would recognize that voice anywhere.

“Jungsoo-ah? Is this my Jungsoo? Are you okay? Where are you?”

“Heechul-ssi…” The host’s voice trembles and it is then that Heechul realizes that the cracks in his voice weren’t purely because of the static.

“Jungsoo, is something wrong? What’s happening? Why are you…”

“I’m sorry, Heechul-ssi,” Jungsoo says and Heechul trails off, not liking the tone of his voice.

“Jungsoo-ah…”

“Heechul-ssi, I’m so sorry. I think I’ve made a mistake. Please… I don’t want… Let’s end this.”

“No, Jungsoo. This isn’t… You couldn’t mean…” Heechul tries. Surely, this wasn’t happening, was nothing but a nightmare brought about by the stressful situation.

“I’m sorry, Heechul-ssi. We had a good run but please don’t come looking for me anymore.”

He hangs up.


	35. Something Borrowed

Donghae wakes up to an unfamiliar ceiling and the feeling of being disoriented and uncomfortable in his own skin. He does not remember falling asleep, does’t even remember where he is, looks around dazedly in the dim light of pre-dawn. He is lying on a couch — quite comfortable as far as couches go — in an apartment much bigger and better furnished than his own, at least from what he could tell. On one side is a sliding glass door which leads to a small balcony, the only source of light. It is raining, the sound of raindrops falling against glass rhythmic and comforting. He turns on his side and lets out a yawn, wondering how he ended up here, wherever here was. He vaguely remembers going out to buy dinner, getting stranded at the convenience store in his pajamas, looking through the ramen aisle to kill time and then… He sees some lollipops on the center table near him and he sits up, suddenly wide awake. Here, apparently, is Jongwoon’s apartment; the couch he’s lying on, Jongwoon’s couch; and the blanket currently covering him, the very same blanket Jongwoon had come to tuck him in with before he…

Donghae’s eyes land on a particular shelf where the picture of a now familiar face looks right back at him and he groans, running a hand through his hair. He’d spent the better part of the night tossing and turning on the couch, torn between wondering if he’d just imagined everything and wishing he hadn’t.

Jongwoon… Donghae is attracted to him, no doubt about it, possibly has been from the moment they first met, as cliché as it sounds. The older man had come unexpectedly into Donghae’s life, earnest and sincere and refreshingly different from the type of people Donghae has come to expect to meet in his profession. That first night at Gold had been the first time in a while that Donghae had anyone pay attention to him because of what he had to say and not the services he had to offer and yeah, who was he kidding, the manager was handsome and cute, not to mention sweet and endearing in an awkward and shy kind of way. The time since Donghae found Haru in the park had been almost like a dream to Donghae as slowly, miraculously, Jongwoon started opening up to him and most days he could (and did) pretend that he was just a normal guy with a normal job trying to get a guy he’s interested in to ask him out. But then Members’ Night happened and Jongwoon had seen and, for whatever reason, Donghae feels that something had shifted because of it, though he isn’t sure what… at least, not until last night when Jongwoon had stayed when Donghae had expected him to go, had stayed and watched him sleep and leaned in and Donghae curses himself even now for not opening his eyes the very moment he’d felt warm breath on his lips, heard a heartbeat pounding loudly near his own, curses and blames himself even when the truth is that he couldn’t even if he wanted to because he was scared — scared to find out if it was real or not, scared to allow himself to hope just to have reality come crashing down on him again as it did the last time he’d allowed himself to believe he had a chance at being happy, scared that Jongwoon would look at him, see him for who he is, and realize that he didn’t want him. And what if he did? What if Jongwoon did want Donghae but not in the same way that Donghae wanted him? Was it really worth the risk of having to go back to being little more than strangers the next morning if things didn’t work out? But then Jongwoon had pulled away and suddenly all those what-ifs didn’t matter and it was all Donghae could do to stay still and not reach out. After all, one kiss is better than nothing and Donghae realizes, as he stares at Miyuki’s smiling face, that that one kiss might have been all he could ever get.

Everything falls silent then and it finally registers that the rain had stopped falling and suddenly, Donghae feels trapped — alone in the living room with the picture of Jongwoon’s wife smiling down at him as though he hadn’t been trying to lure her husband away for the past few weeks, and he realizes he couldn’t face Jongwoon then, couldn’t pretend that he didn’t know or want, doesn’t trust himself not to pull the other man close the next time he sees him and kiss him, consequences be damned.

He stands up to leave, hesitates before going back to the kitchen and retrieving the jacket Jongwoon had lent him the night before. He shrugs it on, scribbles a note telling Jongwoon he’d gone out, possibly home now that the rain has stopped, thanks him for dinner and the movie and allowing him to stay the night, reminds him of the leftovers in the fridge that had to be eaten that day if he didn’t want them to go bad. He then pockets his phone and with one last sweep walks out of Jongwoon’s apartment and it is only when the door locks shut behind him that Donghae finally allows himself to breathe.


	36. Sick

Jongwoon wakes up with a  pounding headache and feeling like hell had frozen over and taken up residence in his chest. He shivers, curling up under his covers and curses as he goes into another coughing fit. He knows he should force himself to get up — it’s a little bit before his alarm goes off anyway, if the light starting to come in through his window is anything to go by — but he just couldn’t, body heavy and aching with what seems like a full-on flu. A part of him knows it was just a matter of time until his body gave in considering the past few days he'd spent stressed and sleep-deprived and yet another part considers it some sort of karmic retribution for what he almost did last night.

He really didn’t mean to, doesn’t know what came over him at the time, spent the rest of the night tossing and turning and begging Miyuki for forgiveness but then again, Donghae seems to have always had this weird knack for making Jongwoon do and think and feel things he hadn’t for so many years that at this point, Jongwoon shouldn’t really be surprised but last night… Had things not gone the way they did — had the clock not chimed or the lights turned off, had Donghae opened his eyes and said Jongwoon’s name with those beautiful brown eyes staring up at him, Jongwoon knows he would’ve crossed some line they never would have been able to retrace. But the clock did chime and the lights remained on and Donghae has stayed miraculously asleep in spite of the intrusion and Jongwoon swears he was never, ever going to risk doing something as stupid as that ever again. Because, if anything else, Donghae has at least become a friend to him as well as to Haru and no matter how many times Donghae makes Jongwoon think it could be more, he wasn’t going to risk losing the other just because of it.

Jongwoon’s phone sounds with his alarm and he reaches for it to turn it off, realizes he hadn’t checked his phone since he sat down for dinner with Donghae and Haru last night. There were several work-related messages and e-mails, SNS notifications, missed calls and a cryptic message from Heechul telling him to come to his apartment ASAP and to make sure no one sees him. There is also a lone message from Youngwoon telling him he’s back in town and asking if Jongwoon would like to catch up. Jongwoon makes a mental note to find time in his schedule for it — after all, it was Youngwoon who helped him get this job and it was a while since they’d seen each other.

Another coughing fit makes him forget everything though and Jongwoon groans, re-sets his alarm for another hour hoping that by the time he wakes up again, he’d at least be well enough to get out of bed and make breakfast, tries not to think too much about how he was supposed to act as if nothing happened — after all, as far as Donghae is concerned, nothing did — and curls up once again under the covers. He is out in less than a minute but not before registering the sound of hurried footsteps walking away and his front door locking shut behind whoever had left.


	37. While He Sleeps

Donghae absent-mindedly scoops yogurt into a bowl using a spoon, the sound of an early morning show in the background. He’d gotten home fairly quick, was pleasantly surprised to discover that Jongwoon’s apartment was just one bus ride away from his own, and was now making breakfast with whatever he had left in his fridge. He’d taken a shower as well, was finally able to change out of his pajamas which, paired with Jongwoon’s suit jacket, cost him so many side-glances on the bus ride home. He’d lost his scrunchie somewhere, though, and Donghae pouts, wondering what Gold’s management would do if he cut his hair short like he’d always wanted to try doing. He’s filled half his bowl with yogurt when his phone begins ringing, making his jump. He smiles. No one really called him anymore these days except Hyukjae and his best friend was just the person he needed to talk to right now. He  drops his phone, though, when he sees the caller’s ID — “Manager Jongwoon-hyung 💓💘💗,” it reads — and Donghae wonders if he should pick up. After all, it was too soon for him, didn’t even have time to process things and why was Jongwoon even calling in the first place? It was usually the other way around with Donghae calling or messaging the other first. He lets his phone ring still lying facedown on his kitchen counter until the last minute when he sighs, curses his weakness, and picks up.

“Hello?” He greets and is instantly met with sniffling and a crying voice.

“Hae-oppa-nim?”

“Haru-chan?” Donghae asks, confused. “What’s wrong? Where’s Jongwoon?”

“H-hae-oppa-nim,” Haru says in between sobs. “Appa… Appa… He’s not… waking up… and Uncle Jongjin’s not picking up and…”

Donghae’s eyes widen. “Wait. Not waking up? Haru-chan, what do you mean?”

“I woke up and went to find you so we could have breakfast but you weren’t there so I went to check on Appa and… he feels really hot, Hae-oppa-nim, with a f-fever and when I tried to shake him he wouldn’t wake up and I… I’m scared, Hae-oppa-nim. I’ve never seen Appa this sick and Haru-chan… Haru-chan doesn’t know what to do.”

She then proceeds to cry and Donghae panics.

“Hey, hey. Haru-chan. Shh, don’t cry. I’m sure Jongwoon-hyung… your Appa’s just down with a fever. Nothing to worry about, so uhm, listen… Just give me 30 minutes. I’ll go buy some medicine and food and then I’ll come back there. Just… wait for my call before opening the door, okay?”

“Okay, Hae-oppa-nim,” Haru says, still sniffling. “I’ll wait.”

“You’re a good girl, Haru-chan, and very strong just like your Appa,” Donghae says, returning his bowl of yogurt to his fridge and reaching for Jongwoon’s jacket and umbrella. “I’ll see you in a bit.”

He is out the door before he even hangs up.

—

Jongwoon wakes again to the feeling of a cool hand on his forehead, vaguely aware of a mostly one-sided conversation going on around him. He tries to remember where he is, if he has anywhere else to be or anything else to do, but that takes a backseat when he feels the pain in his joints and chest and throat. The hand on his forehead moves as if to pull away and he groans, already missing the pleasant cold against his feverish skin and he reaches for it instinctively, hears a gasp as he brings it to his cheeks. It is a nice hand — soft and cool and barely bigger than his own so that it fits perfectly when he holds it against his flushed cheek. He hums in satisfaction when he feels the soothing coolness against his skin, doesn’t let go even when he hears something that vaguely sounds like his name. He realizes that he misses this — this intimate contact as well as the feeling of being cared for when it has always been the other way around for most of his life. He remembers this feeling quite well and it’s almost as if he’d gone back in time.

Another hand reaches out towards him to brush stray strands of hair from his brow and Jongwoon finds himself smiling at the familiar gesture. So that’s why he feels so much at ease in spite of the aches and pains that wrack his body and Jongwoon finds himself smiling as he turns to place a gentle kiss on the fingers of the hand in his.

“Miyuki,” Jongwoon whispers and in his fevered state he fails to notice how the owner of said hand stiffens before continuing what they are doing. And it is only when Jongwoon is again on the brink of sleep that he hears a soft chuckle and a voice he thinks he should recognize but couldn’t place.

“I guess I should’ve known,” the voice says in an almost sad tone and Jongwoon feels the slightest bit guilty for some reason. “But then I never really stood a chance, did I?”

Jongwoon frowns, wanting to protest, tries to wake up only to feel fingers smoothing the creases on his forehead and he relaxes.

“Sleep, Manager-nim,” he hears. “It’s okay. I’ll be here when you wake up.”

Jongwoon smiles and does so.


	38. When He Wakes

Jongwoon next wakes up to a weird feeling of déjà vu and someone calling his name and shaking his shoulders gently. He opens his eyes and squints, registering the early afternoon sun shining through his window and groans. He missed his alarm, obviously; sighs as he wonders just how much work he’d missed, if Haru had eaten, not to mention… His eyes snap open.

“Dong… hae…” he croaks through swollen tonsils when he recognizes the person sitting at the edge of the bed beside him.

“Hello, hyung,” Donghae greets him, moving forward to check his temperature. Jongwoon blushes when he feels the back of a cool hand against his forehead, hopes the redness of his face could be explained away by his temperature.

Donghae tsks and looks at him disapprovingly. “Aish, hyung. Your fever hasn’t gone down yet. I was so sure the medicine would’ve worked by now.”

Jongwoon blinks. He doesn’t remember taking any medicine and he says so.

“Oh?” Donghae says, giving him an unreadable look. “Really? You’ve been waking up every hour or so though.”

Jongwoon frowns. Ah, he really must be sick if he couldn’t remember.

“Ha…ru…” he asks next. “Where’s…”

“In the living room,” Donghae says automatically, pouring something from a thermos and into a bowl on Jongwoon’s bedside table. “She’s been wanting to come in here but I’m pretty sure you’re contagious so I made her a quick brunch and put on a movie so she wouldn’t get bored. Poor dear was so shaken. She was crying when she called me to…”

“Called… you?”

Donghae averts his eyes then. “I… uhm, yeah… I had to take care of something at home so I went before either of you woke up. Sorry about that.”

Oh, Jongwoon thinks. That would explain Donghae’s new outfit — a plain white shirt and track pants instead of the pajamas he remembers the host wearing. He’d been wondering if he’d owned anything like them for a moment, as though Donghae going through his closet for clothes to wear was the more likely option, ignores how normal that sounded to him in his head.

“Thank… you…” Jongwoon says, attempting to smile, only to go into a coughing fit. Donghae sighs and helps him sit up, placing a pillow behind him before helping him sip a glass of water while rubbing his back with the other. It helps somewhat and Jongwoon tries and fails not to think about what he’d almost done last night. He smiles gratefully at Donghae when he finishes drinking as the host places the glass on the table and reaches for the bowl he’d filled. He then scoops some soup into a spoon, blows on it to cool it before holding it with the bowl in front of Jongwoon’s mouth. Jongwoon just blinks at the spoonful, wondering if Donghae really expected him to let himself be fed.

“It’s just soup, hyung,” Donghae says, misunderstanding. “From a can. Don’t worry, I didn’t slip anything in it.”

Jongwoon frowns, wonders if he should be worried that the host thought spiking soup was something Jongwoon would expect of him. He hesitates a bit before finally opening his mouth when he realizes that he really is too weak to feed himself.

Donghae smiles in satisfaction, catches himself watching Jongwoon’s Adam’s apple as he swallows and kicks himself mentally.

Stupid, he scolds himself. Stupid. He’d been hurting barely a few hours ago from Jongwoon saying his wife’s name while barely conscious and now here he is practically drooling over the older man again.

Donghae feeds Jongwoon another spoonful of soup to distract himself, keep feeding the other when suddenly, the phone on the bedside table rings. Jongwoon starts to reach for it, only for Donghae to glare at him, setting the bowl aside before answering the phone.

“Hello, this is Kim Jongwoon-ssi’s phone,” Donghae says. “Oh, Heechul-ssi? Yeah, this is Daphne. Sorry, Jongwoon-hyung can’t answer the phone right now. He’s got a really high fever, maybe the flu? Yes, yes. I’m so sorry, that’s probably my fault too.” A pause. “Ah, Jung— Persephone-ssi is probably at home. Gold is on a temporary shut down right now, didn’t they tell you? Ah. Okay, sure. I’ll tell him when he’s feeling better.” A laugh. “No, it’s nothing like that. I just happened to be the only one Haru could call. Okay. I will. Bye.”

Jongwoon blinks as Donghae hangs up.

“Donghae-ssi,” he croaks. “Did you just…”

“Tell your boss you’re too sick to come to work? Yup. Oh, and I did answer a call from Jongjin-ssi earlier. He said he was on a business trip so he couldn’t come and asked me to tell you to call him once you’re better.”

Jongwoon groans, wondering how he was even going to start to explain what Donghae was doing at his apartment.

“There were several calls too from unknown numbers which I ignored.” A teasing smile. “Your wallpaper’s nice, by the way. I like it. Can you send it to me?”

Wallpaper? Jongwoon frowns, wants to die of embarrassment when Donghae shows him the screen of his phone showing a picture of the host and Haru sitting beside each other at the fast food booth, Donghae with a tender smile on his face as he watched Haru tie the sunflower bracelet around his wrist. It was such a nice picture, Donghae’s expression so soft that Jongwoon hadn’t been able to resist making it his wallpaper. He kind of regrets it now, wishes he’d changed it when Hyukjae had teased him about it.

“Sure,” he says after a while, when he finds Donghae still looking at him expectantly. “Just give me my phone and…”

“Oh no you don’t,” Donghae says, returning Jongwoon’s phone to his bedside table. “You’re not getting your phone until you’re well.”

“Donghae-ssi…”

“No,” Donghae says, firmly. “You should rest and using your phone would just remind you of work and stress you out.”

Jongwoon sighs, sags against the pillow behind his back when he sees the stubborn determination in Donghae’s eyes, wonders why it looks so familiar to him, only to realize that it was the same expression Miyuki would give him whenever he did something stupid and didn’t that make him feel even guiltier after last night.

Donghae holds out a spoonful of soup in front of him again, taking his silence as a sign to continue feeding him, and Jongwoon automatically opens his mouth, still reeling from his realization.

The door opens and both men turn to see Haru peeking at them from the small opening.

“Appa? You’re awake! Are you feeling better? Hae-oppa-nim says I can’t come in because you’re con… con… tagious.”

Jongwoon smiles. “Yeah. I’m feeling better, Haru-chan. I’m sorry for making you worry.”

Haru smiles. “Oh, so it really helped then — Hae-oppa-nim holding your hand while you sleep just like you do when I’m sick?”

“Haru-chan…” Jongwoon hears Donghae groan, looks at him curiously and is greeted by the rare sight of the host’s blushing face, finds himself blushing in turn.

“Ooooh, let me get Mr. Pinkie too. He always cheers me up when I’m sick. I’ll be right back, Appa, Hae-oppa-nim.” And with that, Haru shuts the door, leaving the two adults to sit in awkward silence as they each try not to think of the whys and hows of what Haru just revealed.


	39. Desperate Times

Heechul curses as his call goes to voicemail for the nth time. He has been trying to call the number Jungsoo used to reach him after he'd learned of Gold's temporary closure only to have it go to voicemail again and again. He slumps against his couch, lays his head back and sighs. If only Gold was open, it would've been such a simple thing to rush in there and demand that Jungsoo see him. But then it wasn't and Heechul was stuck here in his apartment trying to reach the host the only way he knew.

Heechul sighs yet again, running  a hand through his hair in frustration. What on earth possessed his Jungsoo to call him and end things with him? It couldn't be the scandal — he'd told Jungsoo about the possibility of one dropping when he left on Members' Night. It couldn't be anything he'd said during that night either — he was pretty sure he'd actually earned points for dressing up and bringing the host a bouquet of flowers. The call he received that night comes to mind and he curses yet again.

Jungsoo was his, the caller had said and Heechul has to restrain himself from punching the wall again because the more he thought about it, the greater was the possibility that it was that bastard who made Jungsoo end things with him. He wonders if it is too late to call Jongwoon's phone again to talk to Daphne. Heechul was actually surprised to hear anyone but his manager answer his call, let alone the host. Heechul is not really sure about what is going on between the two of them but it definitely is something if Daphne was in Jongwoon's home answering his calls and apparently looking after him while he's sick. It was… weird. Heechul got the impression that his manager was a prude, not to mention painfully straight and still hung up on his wife's memory while Daphne… Heechul knows from personal experience that being aware of one's beauty tends to make a person less circumspect about relationships and Heechul just hopes his manager knows what he's gotten himself into.

His spare phone sounds, notifying him that he'd received a message. He scrambles for it, doesn't bother hiding his disappointment when he sees that it's just from Donghee informing him that he'll be sending him an encrypted list of possible voice matches. Heechul pauses, thinking, before dialling Donghee's number.

Heechul met Donghee, who was working for the military, while enlisted and when an injury forced Donghee to file for early retirement, Heechul had reached out to offer him help. In return, the other had offered to help Heechul out in whatever way he could and Heechul thinks this would be right up his alley.

Donghee picks up after five rings.

"Hello?"

"It's me," Heechul says. "I need another favor."

"Sure," Donghee says. "What is it?"

"I need you to profile someone for me."

"Okay," Donghee replies. "What's the subject’s name?"

"Park Jungsoo," Heechul says without any hesitation. "I need you to find out anything you can about him and if there's anyone related to him who could've made that call I recorded."

Donghee pauses and Heechul expects the questions to come, only to be surprised when Donghee just sighs, says "Okay, hyung. I'll see what I can do," before hanging up.

Heechul tosses his phone aside and lies back against his couch. He'd never thought about digging into Jungsoo's past, no matter how much sense it made considering the latter's profession and his own, preferring that the host open up to him instead but the events of the last couple of days really forced his hand.

He closes his eyes and surrenders to the tiredness of his body and mind, wondering even as he drifts off to sleep if Jungsoo could ever forgive him.


	40. It's all the meds' fault, I swear

Jongwoon wakes up the next morning to find himself curled up around Haru’s stuffed cat, Mr. Pinkie, and with a slightly damp washcloth on his forehead. His fever had thankfully broken and he finds that he feels well enough to at least try to get out of bed. He reaches for his phone, relieved to find it sitting on his bedside table. He looks around for any sign of Donghae before unlocking it and checking his e-mails and messages. Most were from work except for the messages from a worried, apologetic and, later on, confused Jongjin. He replies to his brother’s messages as well as some urgent work e-mails, not wanting to overcommit, checks his calendar and almost panics when he sees that he is supposed to bring Haru in for a pre-term assessment at school today. Thankfully, it is still early enough and Jongwoon forces himself to get up, trying to remember if he'd at least managed to do some laundry for the week.

He notices a scrunchie on his bedside table, a bit too big to be Haru's, is confused for a while, only to remember that Donghae had been wearing something like it when they'd met at the convenience store. Jongwoon smiles and then frowns, wondering if the younger man had gotten any sleep. He always seemed to be awake the times Jongwoon was and Jongwoon couldn’t help but feel a bit guilty. After all, Donghae really didn’t have to do this, any of this — didn’t have to come back when Haru called or look after him while he was sick, didn’t have to go through the trouble of getting him his medicine or cooking him soup or tucking Haru into bed as he obviously did, didn’t have to stay up all night to have a glass of water ready whenever Jongwoon would wake up in a coughing fit and ensure that he got proper rest by keeping him away from his phone. So why did he do this exactly? Donghae has never really came off to Jongwoon as someone who is good at taking care of people, actually gives Jongwoon the impression that the host is used to people taking care of him instead. And yet he'd taken care of Jongwoon and looked after Haru and cooked them dinner and really, it just doesn’t make sense unless… Jongwoon shakes his head at what he comes up with because that couldn’t be true, right? Jongwoon has become rather good at dealing with Donghae whenever he would flirt and insinuate and tease but Jongwoon wasn't prepared to deal with this soft and caring side of him that almost reminded Jongwoon of…

Jongwoon sighs. Everything really was so confusing and he wishes it's just some leftover side-effect of the medicines Donghae made him take or something. His alarm goes off and he stands up, turns it off, sniffs at himself and decides he badly needs a shower. He is almost out of his room when he remembers to grab his bathrobe, opens his door and looks around. There still is no sign of the host though he can smell coffee brewing from the kitchen. He yawns, practically sleepwalks down the corridor, hopes that the shower could help with his lethargy as well. He stops before their bathroom still in a stupor, which is why he doesn't register the light from below until he is reaching for the doorknob just as the door opens and he finds himself blinking at the sight of a dripping wet and half-naked Donghae. It takes at least ten seconds before Jongwoon's brain makes sense of what he is seeing and he staggers back, but not before registering the shocked expression on Donghae's face as well as the way stray droplets of water kept falling down the host's neck and chest, turns an impossible shade of red before closing his eyes and turning around.

"I… I'm sorry, Donghae-ssi. I… I didn't mean… I… I mean, I wasn't really awake and I didn't see… and oh my god, I'm so sorry, I…"

He hears an amused chuckle, closer than he'd expected, opens his eyes only to close them again when he sees Donghae peering up at him with a teasing smile, still shirtless and still with only a small towel wrapped around his waist.

"Breathe, hyung," Donghae says. "It's just my chest. Nothing you haven't seen before, right?"

"What… I've seen… Chest… What…"

Donghae laughs again. "Ah, you really are too cute, manager-nim. It's just too bad that…" Donghae sounds almost sad when he trails off and Jongwoon is about to ask if anything is wrong, only to jump when he feels the back of a hand on his neck then his forehead as the host checks his temperature.

“Ah, finally,” Donghae says. “Your fever has broken. I was really getting worried. Anyway, there should still be enough hot water left. Why don't you take a shower while I go prepare breakfast." A pause. "Oh, and don't worry, I promise I'll be wearing a shirt by then."

Donghae then moves away and starts walking down the corridor towards  the living room and Jongwoon is able to breathe again. He hazards a glance at Donghae's retreating back only to find himself staring at smooth legs and a shapely behind and Jongwoon hopes that he could blame his meds for that as well.


	41. Weird Conversations

Jongwoon covers his eyes as he walks into the kitchen, peeking through his fingers. Donghae had assured him he’d be wearing a shirt already by the time Jongwoon gets out of his shower but Jongwoon wasn’t taking any chances. After all, the host had said nothing about wearing any pants so it was better to be safe than sorry. He spots Donghae frying some eggs in front of the stove and heaves a sigh of relief. The host is dressed in tight jeans and an even tighter red shirt but at least it was something. Jongwoon is actually surprised he’d brought a change of clothes over, wonders how long the host was planning to stay and just how much free time did he have anyway?

He watches Donghae as he continues frying eggs, humming what sounded like a 90s rock ballad, still oblivious to his audience, and quietly approaches the coffeemaker, startling the host a bit.

“Hyung, you’re done.” Donghae exclaims, giving the manager a once-over. “Are you feeling better? Why are you dressed up? I hope you don’t mind that I used your shower.”

Jongwoon shrugs as he brings out two cups from the cupboard and begins pouring coffee into them. “Much better, thank you. I’d really like to get some more rest but I have to bring Haru to school for a pre-assessment,” he says, voice still hoarse.

Donghae blinks. “I could do that. I mean, if you’d trust me with your car.”

Jongwoon smiles. “Thanks, Donghae-ssi, but I’m sure you have much better things to do than…”

“I don’t,” Donghae says, stubbornly, turning off the stove and scooping the eggs into a plate. He then moves to start cutting the tomatoes nearby into four before tossing them on top of the eggs.

Jongwoon raises a brow at the strange dish, chooses not to comment, focuses instead on what Donghae had said.

“You don’t?”

Donghae shrugs. “I don’t do much on my days off. I usually just stay at home listening to music or go for a walk, get some groceries. It’s actually pretty boring. I’d rather spend my time here.”

Jongwoon frowns. “Oh? So you don’t go out? I mean to hang out with friends or…”

Donghae gives him a teasing look. “Are you asking if I’m seeing anyone right now?”

Jongwoon, who was taking a sip of his coffee then, chokes on it and coughs. “I… what?”

Donghae laughs, reaches out to pat his back. “I’m joking, I’m joking. Though for the record, I’m not.”

“Not what?”

“Seeing anyone.” A strange look comes over the host’s face which he shakes off. “Ah, it really has been a while since I’ve gone out with anyone outside work. How about you?”

Jongwoon blinks. “Me?”

Donghae doesn’t look at him as he starts buttering bread to make toast. “I mean, I highly doubt it but have you tried going out with anyone after…”

“No,” Jongwoon says, looking away and fiddling with his wedding ring. “I mean, it never really crossed my mind and…” He looks back up to find Donghae looking at him with a strange expression before the host forces a smile and goes back to making toast.

“Ah, I thought so. Anyway, breakfast is almost done. Let me go get Haru-chan so we could…”

“I’ll go get her,” Jongwoon says hurriedly, definitely not trying to escape the weird atmosphere that had suddenly settled. “I’ll just…”

“Okay,” Donghae says, glancing at his phone before going back to preparing breakfast. “Anyway, it seems like I’ll be leaving too after. Hyukkie wants to meet up for drinks tonight and I just remembered I have to pay some bills today.”

“Oh, okay,” Jongwoon says. “At least, will you let me drive you home? I mean, if you don’t mind waiting while Haru does her pre-assessment. And we could go get lunch?”

“Manager-nim, please stop,” Donghae says, half teasing and half… sad? “The things you say, they’re quite easy to misunderstand and if I didn’t know any better, I’d say you’re asking me out.”

Jongwoon blushes. “What? But I… I just want to thank you for watching over me and Haru while I was sick and…”

Donghae’s laugh sounds forced then. “Right, ok. Chill. Of course, I was just teasing and of course I’d love to have lunch with you and Haru-chan. Can’t say no if you put it that way anyway. Now go get her before the food gets cold, will you? Looks like we’re all going to have a long day ahead of us.”


	42. Busybody

Donghae drums his fingers against his knee, looking around nervously. It’s been years, probably more than a decade since he’s been in any school of any kind but it still managed to make him feel jittery. He is sitting on a couch in the lobby in between a tired salaryman and a stern-looking old lady. A couple of seats away, a group of young mothers keep looking at him before giggling and whispering among themselves. Donghae sighs. If someone had told him a year ago that he’d find himself sitting in the waiting area of a private elementary school waiting as the person he kind-of likes takes his child in for some sort of interview with the principal, Donghae would’ve laughed and asked them to get their head checked. It’s not that it was impossible, per se, it’s just that, as a rule, Donghae generally chooses to steer clear of three types of people, namely those who are straight, married, or have families to raise. Jongwoon managed to tick all of those boxes and Donghae knows that everything is hopeless, that he should start pulling away if he doesn’t want to get hurt, but then Jongwoon does something like blush when he teases him or offer to take him home and buy him lunch, not to mention that near-kiss in the living room that Donghae isn’t even supposed to know about, and suddenly Donghae forgets that this was the very same guy who had held his hand and kissed his fingers while barely conscious with the name of his dead wife still on his lips. Donghae frowns, the memory still making his heart hurt, wants to stand up and bang his head against the nearest wall because surely that would hurt a lot less, right? He is so obviously distressed that the old lady next to him looks at him, stern expression relaxing into a motherly smile.

“Oh, poor dear, is it your first time here? Are you nervous for your child?”

Donghae looks at her, surprised to be addressed. “Uhm, err… No, Ma’am. It’s not like that. I mean, I’m not…”

The old lady looks at him encouragingly. “It’s okay, dear. I remember the time I asked my husband to bring our first grandchild to her pre-assessment. I’ve never seen him more nervous, not even on our wedding day.”

Donghae smiles at her at she continues to talk about her grandchildren — clearly he’d misjudged her — is about to thank her when he hears his name being called.

“Hae-oppa-nim!” Haru calls him as she runs toward him, twin-tails flying behind her, even more lopsided since it was Donghae who fixed her hair that morning. “Hae-oppa-nim, I’m done. The teacher is nice. Appa says classes start on Monday.”

Jongwoon walks up to them more calmly, smiling as he watches Donghae listen to Haru talk about her interview, doesn’t miss the narrowing of the old lady’s eyes, though, as she looks from Donghae to Haru to Jongwoon and back.

“Oh,” she says to Donghae. “So you weren’t waiting for your kid?”

Donghae looks at her, a bit embarrassed. “Ah, no. Haru-chan… she’s Jongwoon-hyung’s daughter. Say ‘hello’ to the nice lady, Haru-chan.”

“Hello, Ma’am,” Haru says politely.

The woman smiles back, “Hello, dear. I was just talking to your…”

“He’s my friend,” Jongwoon interrupts, making the woman look at him. “Hello, Ma’am. I’m Haru’s father. I’m so sorry, but we really have to go.” He says curtly before taking Haru’s hand and leading her towards the door.

The woman again looks between Donghae and Jongwoon’s retreating back before raising a brow. “Ah, so that’s how it is, huh?”

Donghae blinks at the woman’s comment and then at Jongwoon, surprised at the normally good-mannered manager’s behavior, bows apologetically to the old lady before following them.

They still are within earshot when they hear the old lady say something about modern families and how strange the world has become and Donghae watches Jongwoon grit his teeth, obviously annoyed, tightens his hold on Haru’s wrist. Donghae quickens his pace to catch up, makes a mental note to ask Jongwoon what’s wrong as they make their way across the parking lot and to the car.

It really is proving to be such a strange day.


	43. Lunch

Donghae bites at his straw, watching as Jongwoon cuts up Haru’s meat for her. The manager had taken them to a small family-owned restaurant near the school which, apparently, he and Haru ate at often enough for the staff to greet them by name and know their “usuals”. Said staff were polite enough to not to make it obvious but would throw curious glances at Donghae from time to time when they think he isn’t looking and Donghae couldn’t help feeling conscious about himself for the second time in just a couple of hours.

Donghae sighs. He knows he should be used to being stared at considering his line of work but the stares he’s used to are at least straightforward and honest. Want, desire, admiration, jealousy, obsession — all those things he could handle without even batting an eye but he’s never really gotten used to people staring at him for other reasons, especially coming from normal, everyday people far removed from the glitzy and glamorous debauchery of Gold. It makes him feel anxious, scared that if they looked long enough, they would realize that he is an  impostor — someone who, by all right, didn’t belong in their normal world.

Jongwoon looks up then, as though sensing his mood, gives him a sheepish smile.

“Hey, uhm, Donghae-ssi, sorry about earlier. I didn’t mean to lose my temper but I just really hate it when people keep making assumptions about things they don’t know or even have any business knowing about, you know?”

Donghae frowns. Sure, Jongwoon had been less polite than normal to the old lady but Donghae wouldn’t have considered it losing his temper. Besides, the old lady hadn’t really said  or implied anything except…

“Oh. So she thought we’re together, huh?”

“Uhm, yeah,” Jongwoon blushes. “I just thought you…”

“And would that be so bad?” Donghae interrupts, surprising Jongwoon.

“What?”

Donghae shakes his head. “Ah, don’t mind me, manager-nim. I’m just thinking out loud and…”

“It won’t,” Jongwoon says, surprising Donghae.

“What?”

“I mean, it won’t be so bad if it were true. I just don’t like people thinking badly of you and she was…”

Donghae’s heart skips a beat at the words “if it were true” and the small flame of hope that he thought had died out once again flickers into existence in spite of common sense and survival instinct screaming at him not to make so much out of it.

Jongwoon takes Donghae’s silence for offense and he quickly backtracks. “Well, not that I wouldn’t have gotten mad even if it were true and not that I’m saying that I wish it were true but I’m just saying that…”

Jongwoon’s phone rings just in time, saving him from digging his own grave even more and he takes the opportunity, excuses himself to take the call outside. Donghae sighs and looks after him, is surprised to find Haru looking at him expectantly when he looks back.

“Oh,” Donghae says when he realizes what she wants. “Jongwoon-hyung didn’t finish cutting up your meat, did he?”

Haru nods. “I’m sorry, Hae-oppa-nim but Appa doesn’t let me use knives yet.”

“Well, he really shouldn’t,” Donghae says, taking Haru’s plate to continue what Jongwoon was doing and smiling in spite of himself  because, no matter how complicated things are or could become between him and Jongwoon, Donghae realizes that Haru has become precious to him in her own right and Donghae makes a silent  promise then never to do anything that will take away her happiness, even at the expense of his own.

—

Jongwoon comes back to find Donghae and Haru giggling about something on Donghae’s phone, wonders if he should be worried. He approaches, giving the two of them a curious look.

“Appa,” Haru says, showing Donghae’s phone to Jongwoon once he takes his seat and takes a sip of water. “Look! It’s Hae-oppa-nim dressed as a mermaid.”

Jongwoon chokes on his water, barely manages to keep himself from spitting it out. “W-what?”

Donghae laughs. “Relax, hyung. Haru was telling me about how she wants to dress up as Ariel for Halloween and I remembered that I dressed up as a merman some years back for an event at work. It’s actually quite tastefully done though I was surprised when they made me dress that way even if Daphne is actually supposed to be a dryad.”

“Yeah, Appa. Hae-oppa-nim makes for a pretty mermaid, see?”

Jongwoon gulps when he does see, tears his eyes away quickly and downs the rest of his water, trying to forget the image of Donghae with a glittering emerald tail, eye make up, and body glitter covering his chest and arms. Long, thin golden chains hung from his neck, covering his chest as well and Jongwoon tries his hardest not to compare said chest with the one he’d found himself staring at that very same morning.

“Hae-oppa-nim promised me that he’ll check if there’s something left that we could use for my Ariel costume and that he’ll help you make it. Isn’t that nice of him, Appa?

Jongwoon steals a glance at Donghae before looking back at Haru. “Wow, that is nice of him but Haru-chan, we really shouldn’t be really troubling Donghae-ssi too much.”

Donghae waves him off. “It’s no trouble at all. Besides, don’t celebrities get busier towards the end of the year so you will be too? Let me help, okay?”

Jongwoon looks at him with an unreadable expression before smiling.

“Okay. If it really  isn’t any trouble. Thank you, Donghae-ssi,” Jongwoon says and Donghae can’t help but smile in return.

—

Jongwoon and Haru drop Donghae off at the park where Donghae found Haru.   The call Jongwoon received during lunch was from Heechul who was requesting that Jongwoon do some errands for him so now Jongwoon has to go to the celebrity’s apartment to see what he wants. Donghae had offered to look after Haru while Jongwoon worked but Jongwoon refused, saying that he already got Heechul’s approval to bring Haru with him and didn’t Donghae have to meet Hyukjae. Donghae just smiles, doesn’t mention how he was all for cancelling on Hyukjae — based on where they are supposed to meet, he’s most likely to just be used as props for Hyukjae’s stalking anyway — but doesn’t want to push his luck. So he says goodbye to Jongwoon and Haru, reminds them of the leftovers in the fridge, watches them drive off and yawns. The early afternoon sun burns hot against his skin but Donghae smiles as he feels that he’d done something useful for the first time in a while. If only he could figure out where his scrunchie had gotten to.


	44. Tea

Haru stares at Heechul, eyes wide and in awe, as  t he celebrity lounges on his couch in a bright red tracksuit. She had been very excited when Jongwoon told her that he’d be taking her to work today and would be meeting  H eechul  —  the Kim Heechul  —  if a bit sad that Donghae couldn’t come with them. She has seen a lot of Heechul on TV, of course, is actually a fan of his chicken ads, but she didn’t expect him to be so bright and loud and colorful in real life and it still  surprise d her when the variety star had slammed the door open the moment Jongwoon rang his doorbell earlier, startling both Haru and Jongwoon. 

“Fucking finally!” Heechul had exclaimed, unruly curls going every which way. “Yah! Where the hell have you been, Jongwoon-ah? I thought I would have to go through Daphne again to get to you and let me tell you, that’s close to impos... Oh, hello.” Heechul trailed off when he saw Haru, expression softening as he addressed her. “Are you Jongwoon’s daughter?” 

Haru had looked at Jongwoon then and clutched his hand tighter. Her father just smiled and nodded at her encouragingly. Haru nodded back before bowing to Heechul. “Yes, I am. Nice to meet you, Kim Heechul-nim. My name is Kim Haru. I am turning seven years old on October 15. Thank you for always looking after my Appa.” 

Heechul had blinked then, confused, not used to people having that sort of manners around him, especially not barely seven year-old kids. 

“Ah,” the celebrity finally said, bending down to ruffle Haru’s hair. “Yeah. Though it really should be the other way around. Your appa’s a good person and has helped me a lot.” 

“Hyung-nim,” Jongwoon said, oddly touched. 

“But,” Heechul continued, an evil glint in his eye. “Maybe your appa could be of even more help if he‘d tell his overly protective boyfriend not to be too hard on poor unsuspecting callers every time he’s sick or unavailable.” 

Haru blinked, tilting her head to the side in confusion. “Boy... friend?” 

Jongwoon panicked. “Ah, hyung-nim! You said you had things you needed me to do? Aren’t they sort of urgent?” 

Heechul’s expression changed then as he straightened up. “Yeah. Now that you’re here...” 

Heechul had let them in and then he and Jongwoon went off to another room a bit to discuss things, leaving Haru to perch on Heechul’s couch and entertain herself with the Chinese drama Heechul was watching. 

Heechul and Jongwoon came back later, Jongwoon with a list in hand, as Heechul sank into the other end of the couch. 

“Hyung-nim,” Jongwoon was saying, still going through the list. “Is this really... Are you sure you don’t want me to just ask Donghae-ssi? I mean, I’m sure he could be trusted if you really want to keep it a secret from...” 

“I’m sure,” Heechul says, tone firm in spite of his relaxed posture. “And I  don’t think you’d actually want to get your boyfriend involved in this, all things considered.” 

Jongwoon lets out a strangled noise tbat sounds like a cat with a hairball stuck in its throat. “Hyung-nim, how many times do I have to tell you, Donghae-ssi’s not... It’s not like that, okay?” 

Heechul rolls his eyes. “And how  many times do I have to tell you that I don’t believe you and it’s okay. Daphne being the way he is, I can’t really blame you.” 

“But... Hyung-nim... Donghae-ssi really isn’t... We’re just friends, hyung. He was just helping out while I was sick and Jongjin was out of town. Friends do that, you know?” 

“Yeah, yeah. You may think that but from what I’ve heard, Daphne... that kid doesn’t really let people close that easily, which is why Jungsoo feels like he has to protect him and Ariadne.” A sigh. “All I’m saying is that, if he really isn’t your boyfriend, maybe you should be more careful about his feelings, okay?” 

Jongwoon blinks. Two different people have talked to him about Donghae and yet both of them have given him the same impression — that there was a different layer to the host that Jongwoon still hasn’t seen no matter how much has already happened between them, coupled with the realization that he knows far less about Lee Donghae the person than Daphne the host than he’s comfortable admitting and Jongwoon isn’t really ready to acknowledge how he feels about that. 

“Hyung-nim,” Jongwoon begins to say just to dispel such thoughts but is interrupted by the sound of a stomach grumbling. Both men turn to Haru who just blushes. 

“Uhm, Appa. I’m hungry. Can I have one of the lollipops Hae-oppa-nim gave me?” 

Jongwoon rummages in his bag as Heechul raises his brow. 

“Hae-oppa-nim?” He asks, interested. 

“Yes, Kim Heechul-nim,” Haru says, turning to him. “Hae-oppa-nim is Appa’s good friend who took care of Appa and Haru-chan when Appa was sick. He’s awfully nice and pretty and warm and his curry tastes almost as good as Appa’s curry.” 

“Oh?” Heechul says, looking at Jongwoon, smirking, giving Jongwoon a bad feeling about where this was going. “And this ‘Hae-oppa-nim’ of yours, does he happen to stay the night at your apartment sometimes?” 

“Hyung-nim!” Jongwoon protests as Haru thinks about it. 

“Um, yes? Before Appa got sick, Haru-chan and Appa and Hae-oppanim stayed up watching Tangled together but we fell asleep and when I woke up and Appa brought me to my room, he promised me he’ll tell Hae-oppa-nim ‘good night’ for me when he tucks him into bed.” 

“Haru-chan,” Jongwoon groans in embarrassment as Heechul positively cackles at the new information. 

“Hush now, Jongwoon-ah,” Heechul tells him off. “Your Haru-chan is a good girl and is just telling the truth.” He turns to Haru. “So, Haru-chan. What do you say we let your Appa go do his work while we get some takeout so you can tell your Hee-ahjussi all about Daph… I mean, your precious ‘Hae-oppa-nim’, yes?”


	45. Tangled

Donghae sighs as he stares at  t he glass of soju in his hand, listening to the sound of ice clinking against its sides and  o f meat sizzling on the charcoal grill. Hyukjae had asked to meet at a random grill once again and, just as Donghae had suspected, it was for the same reason as all those other times. He raises his head. 

“Hey, Hyukkie, you know this is technically stalking, right? And as your friend, I’m morally obliged to tell you to stop.” 

“Yeah, yeah, stalking,” Hyukjae says distractedly, eyes scanning the crowd yet again, before turning to Donghae. “Not like it’s any creepier than you hoarding anything your manager-nim gives you.” 

“Hey, I don’t hoard...” 

Hyukjae gives him a meaningful look, making Donghae blush. 

“At any rate,” Hyukjae continues. “We’re not here for that, not this time.” A pause. “Hae, chagi, I’ve been meaning to ask... are you okay? You’ve been acting really strange lately, even for you. You know if there’s something bothering you, you could tell me, right?” 

Donghae sighs, letting go of his glass in favor of flipping the meat on the grill. Hyukjae waits patiently as his best friend for only god knows how long gathers his thoughts. 

“He tried to kiss me,” Donghae finally says, still flipping meat. 

“Of course he did. That’s just typical— He what?” Hyukjae exclaims loudly, drawing the attention of the people in the nearby tables, when he remembers who “he” was. “Wait, we’re talking about...” 

“Jongwoon-hyung, yes. I got stuck at the convenience store near my apartment because of the rain and he was there too, ended up cooking curry for him and Haru at their apartment. I fell asleep on the couch while we were watching Tangled and when I sort of woke up, he was just there, breathing in my space and I’ve been thinking really hard about it, Hyukkie, but there’s no other explanation that makes sense except that he wanted to kiss me... But then the clock chimed and he pulled away and aish, Hyukkie, this is so frustrating!” 

Hyukjae looks confused. “Why though? Isn’t that good news? The fact that he even tried to kiss you... doesn’t that mean he’s at least attracted to you?” 

Donghae pouts, stil working on the grill. “He called me by his wife’s name while holding my hand when he was sick.” 

“Oh,” Hyukjae says, suddenly silent. “Well, that...” 

“But then when he gets better, he acts like he doesn’t remember doing that and again he’s sweet and kind and blushes a lot when I tease, especially when he saw me in only a towel and he keeps saying all these confusing things and you know how much I hate dealing with mixed signals, Hyukkie, but I don’t think I can stay away from him and Haru, not now when I...” 

“It’s the ‘L’ word, huh?” 

Donghae looks up at Hyukjae then, dropping the meat he was picking up back on the grill, searches his best friend’s face for any indication that the other was joking, forces a laugh as he goes back to picking meat off the grill, hands shaking for some reason. “Good one, Hyukkie, but that’s impossible. You know I can’t... I don’t...” 

Hyukjae reaches out to take one of Donghae’s shaking hands in his. “Hae, chagi, you know that’s a lie. It’s not impossible and you most certainly can.” A sympathetic look. “And from what you’ve been telling me and what I can see, it looks like you already have — fallen in love, that is.” 

“But, Hyukkie... That’s not... What if... I can’t just...” 

“Hyukjae-ssi?” A familiar voice interrupts and Hyukjae automatically turns to its source. 

“Shi- Shindong-hyung!” He stutters when he sees the other. “You’re finally here! Uhm, I mean, wow! What a coincidence! We should really stop running into each other like this. And oh, uhm, you’re looking good. I mean....” 

Shindong looks down at his formal button-up shirt, pressed slacks and leather shoes and laughs. “Well, I just came from a meeting actually and unfortunately, I have to dress up for those.” A quick glance at Donghae. “Sorry, if I interrupted your date again.” 

And it is only then that Hyukjae realizes that he is still holding Donghae’s hand. He drops said hand like it burned him and it is only Donghae’s reflexes that saves the latter’s hand from dropping straight onto the grill. 

“D-date? Me and Donghae? That’s...” 

A laugh. “I don’t remember if I told you this already before but you know you don’t really have to hide it, right? You should know me enough by now to know that I don’t judge.” 

“But I... That’s not... We’re not... Donghae’s in love with Jongwoon-hyung!” 

“Hyukkie!” Donghae, who had been ignoring their exchange in favor of eating to distract himself, mind reeling from the realization that Hyukjae might be right, drops his meat and looks up to give Hyukjae a betrayed look. 

Shindong blinks. “Jongwoon-hyung? Ah, Heechul-hyung’s manager. I was wondering why you guys seemed to be familiar with each other when you met in my studio. Now it kind of makes sense.” 

Hyukjae laughs nervously. “Yeah, it does, doesn’t it? It makes so much sense. In fact, that very same day, I tried to...” 

“Shindong-hyung!” Another voice calls out, interrupting them once again, and Hyukjae freezes, wondering if he was just hearing things when a tall, handsome man with chiselled features wearing a suit that looked way too expensive for the place walks up to Shindong and clasps his arm. “Hyung, we’ve been looking all over for you. The guys have started and... Ariadne-ssi?” 

And it takes all of Hyukjae’s composure not to make a run for it when he meets the man’s familiar dark eyes. 

“Siwon-ssi,” Hyukjae croaks as Shindong looks at him questioningly and those familiar dark eyes crinkle into a smile that Hyukjae never thought he’d see outside the relative safety and anonymity of Gold’s four walls.


	46. Reunion

Jongwoon curses under his breath, glancing at the list in his hand. He’d been walking around the area for what seems like hours and yet he’s still not done going on the wild goose chase Heechul had sent him on. 

“Find Jungsoo,” Heechul had instructed him. “Here’s a list of apartment buildings my sources say he might be staying at. Find out which one.” 

Jongwoon had blinked at the celebrity, confused. “But, hyung-nim. The scandal... Are you sure it’s smart to start asking after him this early?” 

Heechul had tsked at him then, looking a bit disappointed. “Who says I’ll be the one who’s asking? It’ll be you, Jungsoo’s second cousin’s boyfriend who’ll be looking for him because your poor boyfriend is worried sick after not hearing from his cousin for almost a week.” 

“Okay...” Jongwoon responded, not convinced. “But I still don’t think...” 

“Daphne’s the second cousin, if you didn’t catch that.” 

“H-hyung-nim!” Jongwoon spluttered, forgetting his argument against Heechul’s plan. “It’s not... We’re not...” 

Heechul had laughed and clapped him on the shoulder when he saw Jongwoon looking like he’ll go into a panic attack any minute. 

“Aish, relax. Don’t be too serious, Jongwoon-ah.” A confident smile. “This will work. Trust me.” 

“This will work, he says. Trust him, he says,” Jongwoon mutters bitterly as he looks at the last address on the list. Surely this had to be the one. Heechul seemed really confident, not merely optimistic, that he’d find the host and his boss was rarely wrong when it comes to intuition. 

He looks at the time on his phone. It’s almost dinner time and Jongwoon can’t help the sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach when he realizes that Heechul had been watching over Haru for almost four hours now, wonders if he would have been better off taking Donghae up on his offer to look after Haru today. Jongwoon sighs. If only things between them weren’t so complicated... 

_It’s your fault things are the way they are though, his inner voice chides him._ _If only you didn’t try to kiss the guy while he was asleep or ogle him while half naked or..._

_Enough!_ Jongwoon curses.  _I know, alright!_ Makes a mental note to practice emptying his mind again like all those meditation videos he’d watched over the years were supposed to teach him to do now that even his inner voice had turned against him. 

Jongwoon quickens his pace, in a hurry to get to his destination. The sooner he finds out where Jungsoo lives, the sooner he could go back and take Haru home before she feeds Heechul even more teasing material than she most likely already has. His daughter was a good kid but she really did have a knack at exposing him for some reason. 

Jongwoon checks his phone again, is about to turn the corner to the last apartment building on Heechul’s list when he hears someone call out to him. 

“Yesung-hyung!” A deep voice calls. “You’re Yesung-hyung, right?” 

Jongwoon stops, spins around when he hears his high school nickname. It’s been years since he’s heard anyone actually call him that, longer since it was anyone but Miyuki. 

“Kangin!” Jongwoon responds with the other’s own high school nickname as he is drawn into a bear hug. “How... What are you doing here?” 

Youngwoon had gone to the same high school as Jongwoon and they had some classes together at uni after Jongwoon had to take a year off. He’d disappeared after college for some reason, though he and Jongwoon had been keeping in touch after Youngwoon had sent him condolences when Miyuki had passed away. 

Youngwoon laughs as he releases Jongwoon. “I’m staying around here. Didn’t I tell you I’ll be here for a while?” He looks around. “How about you? Where’s Haru?” 

“Ah,” Jongwoon says, rubbing the back of his head. “I left her with Heechul-ssi. I’m technically supposed to be working right now.” 

“Oh?” Youngwoon says. “This late? Man, if I knew you’d have to keep such crazy hours, I wouldn’t have recommended this job to you.” 

Jongwoon shakes his head. “No, no. I really am grateful for it. The hours actually work and I really need the flexibility, especially when Haru starts going to school again.” 

Youngwoon lets out a low whistle. “Ah, just look at you. All responsible and shit. Being a single father is tough. Back then, who would’ve thought...” 

Jongwoon forces a smile and shrugs. “Yeah, well, things happen and I’m all Haru’s got now so...” 

“Still haven’t moved on yet, huh?” Youngwoon says, eyeing the ring on Jongwoon’s left ring finger. 

Jongwoon is about to launch into his usual speech about being happy like this and really, people shouldn’t worry too much about him, but for some reason, the image of Donghae’s sleeping face mere centimeters from his own flashes across his mind and he falters. 

Youngwoon seems to catch that as he slings an arm around Jongwoon’s shoulders smirking. “Oh? So there is someone, huh?” 

Jongwoon blushes even more, unable to deny it, making Youngwoon laugh. “Well, what do you say we catch up over dinner and a couple of beers and you can tell me about this special someone.” 

“Special someone? What? No. Don’t misunderstand... I... Besides, I’m working and...” 

Kangin just looks at him expectantly and Jongwoon sighs. 

“Fine,” Jongwoon concedes. “Just one round though. I really need to get back to work and...” 

“Of course, of course, but let’s forget about all that adult stuff for a while and pretend we’re young and stupid and irresponsible again, yeah? For old times’ sake?” 

Jongwoon tries to protest but the younger man’s enthusiasm is infectious and who knows when they’d get this chance to hang out again? 

“Okay,” he says. “Okay. For old times’ sake.” 

Youngwoon grins. 


	47. A Place to Stay

Donghae stiffles a yawn as he walks from the bus stop to his apartment building. It had been an eventful day and an even more eventful night and Donghae wants nothing  m ore than to curl up in bed and sleep for a week. He'd tried to hide it  f rom  Jongwoon , had dodged the question when asked, but he'd barely slept for the last three days, two of which he'd spent looking after a sick Jongwoon and one he'd much rather not think about. He'd planned to ask Hyukjae if he could spend the night actually , Hyukjae’s place being a bit closer to the  restaurant  they met at, but then Siwon had been quite insistent that he and Hyukjae talk, had led a wide-eyed Hyukjae away even before Donghae could protest about it being against club policy to meet clients on their own. 

Donghae sighs. Meeting clients during their free time, moreso by accident, was up there in the top ten things Donghae had always hated about their job, just a bit below overly attached clients and above performing during Members' Night. It really was unsettling, going about his daily life pretending to blend in, to be normal, just to have it thrown right in his face that he does not belong there, any such unfortunate encounter serving as a reminder of the place he is expected to return to when night falls. 

Well, Donghae thinks.  I f it’s any consolation, at least Shindong seemed to buy whatever yarn Hyukjae managed to spin on the spot. 

Donghae remembers Hyukjae’s rather forced explanation — how he had been filling in for a colleague called Ariadne who was supposed to be Siwon's insurance agent, how Siwon had called him by that name the first time they met even if he was obviously male so it had become some kind of inside joke between him and Siwon and could they just please go back to the issue of what he and Donghae were doing there — drinking away Donghae’s guy troubles — okay? 

Donghae wonders how Hyukjae would explain getting into Siwon's car and leaving with him though, as Donghae distinctly remembers seeing Shindong looking after them as they drove off. 

He reaches his apartment building and frowns at the flurry of activity, especially at this time of night. Several moving vans were lined up outside and Donghae spots one of his neighbors, Mrs. Cho, walking towards one with what seemed to be a rice cooker in her arms. 

“Mrs. Cho!” he calls out, running up to her. 

Mrs. Cho was the nice old lady who lived next door to Donghae and seemed to own no less than five cats at any given time. She’d sometimes knock on Donghae’s door to share the jam she makes with him and, in return, he babysits her cats every time she goes off to visit her grandson in Incheon. 

Her grandson — what was his name again? Gyu? Kyu? — had found work there and was apparently living with his boyfriend in the latter’s parents’ house. It had always amazed Donghae how accepting she was about the entire thing. It was rare enough to meet people of her generation who were at least tolerant about things like that but Mrs. Cho seemed to genuinely like her grandson’s boyfriend and Donghae can’t help but wonder what his very own family would have thought about Jongwoon. 

"Mrs. Cho,” he says when he catches up to her. “What’s happening? You're moving out?" 

Old Mrs. Cho looks at him strangely. "Of course. Aren't you? They're demolishing the building in a week." 

"What?" Donghae exclaims. It is his first time hearing this, definitely heard nothing from his landlord when he went to pay his rent earlier this month and really, weren’t there laws against this? 

“ You didn’t know?” Mrs. Cho asks. “Ah, poor dear. Didn't you get the notice they sent out two months ago?" 

Donghae's mind flashes to the pile of mail he'd assumed to be either junk mail or bills sitting at the far end of his cou n ter and shakes his head. 

“Well, we have until Monday to move out. Maybe you should start packing too.” A thoughtful look. “I’ll be missing our chats, you know? Do come visit me when you happen to come to Incheon.” 

“I will,” Donghae says, giving her a hug. “So you’ll be staying with your grandson?” 

“Just for a while until I find a place to stay,” Mrs. Cho says. “I don’t want to be too much of a bother to him and his boyfriend.” A pause. “How about you, Donghae-ah? Will you have a place to stay?” 

“A place... to stay?” 

And Donghae’s face falls when he realizes that no, he doesn’t. 


	48. Stray

Jongwoon smiles as he walks hand-in-hand with Haru, the mid-afternoon sun warm against their backs. Haru’s first day at primary school just happened to fall on Heechul’s first day back at work but thankfully the variety star was given a late night schedule so Jongwoon could still pick Haru up himself after school on her Big Day. Because no matter how many times Jongwoon has done it, a tiny part of him still panics internally everytime he drops Haru off at school or at Jongjin’s place or anywhere else really where Jongwoon couldn’t personally see to her safety and getting to pick her up is actually comforting not only for Haru but for him as well.

He looks at Haru and can’t help but feel a bit of pride when he sees her more-or-less straight ponytail and the decently pressed uniform he’d spent a good part of the early morning ironing into submission and no, he definitely was not tearing up thinking of how they’ve made it this far nor how it could’ve been if Miyuki were still here. 

Jongwoon takes a deep breath to calm himself but he still couldn’t help feeling emotional. The first day of first grade feels so much like a turning point to Jongwoon and at least now he could say he could understand his parents when they made such a big deal of this very same day for both him and Jongjin.

Which is why he and Haru find themselves walking through their usual park towards the closest McDonalds. Jongwoon had asked Haru what she wanted as a First Day of Big School treat and Haru had, as expected, beamed up at him and said she wanted a Happy Meal. Jongwoon thankfully still had time before he had to go to work so he’d agreed. Haru had hugged him then before launching into a detailed account of how her day went. Jongwoon was a bit worried when Haru didn’t mention anything about making friends but hey, it still was the first day of school after all.

Jongwoon looks around them and smiles at the familiar route. This park holds so many memories for him, had borne witness to so many milestones in his life — Miyuki confessing her feelings to a disbelieving Jongwoon, their first kiss, high school graduation, Jongwoon’s accidental proposal, the day they learned that Miyuki was pregnant. It seemed quite fitting that it would be part of this milestone as well.

Jongwoon smiles as the nostalgia hits him, is about to start telling Haru yet another of his stories when he hears her squeal and let go of his hand, running towards the direction of their usual bench and calling out a name he’d been trying not to think of too much.

Jongwoon looks up, puzzled, only to have his heart skip a beat when he sees Haru run up to an equally surprised Donghae who was seated on the bench he’d found Haru at, a couple of bags, a luggage, and a blender beside him. Jongwoon watches as Haru hugs him, the host’s radiant smile not enough to hide the tired lines on his face nor the bags under his eyes. Jongwoon takes in the host’s appearance, frowns at his dishevelled state, wonders what could’ve happened over the weekend for Donghae to look like that.

It had been almost strange not to hear from the host for the past three days and Jongwoon had actually been surprised at the realization of just how much he’d come to expect Donghae’s daily messages. Jongwoon had been worrying if it were something he said or did that caused it, considered actually texting first for a change, but now...

He hurries towards Donghae and Haru, can’t keep the worry out of his voice when he says, “Donghae-ssi? What are you doing here? Are you okay? What happened?”

_Why haven’t you been messaging me over the weekend?_ He wants to ask but doesn’t.

He sees Donghae sigh before the host looks up at him from over the top of Haru’s head with a sad smile and equally sad puppy eyes.

“Hello, manager-nim. Looks like I’ve been kicked out of my apartment with nowhere else to go. I’ve been here since last night.” A pause. “You wouldn’t happen to know of a place where I could stay if only for the night, would you?”


	49. Temporary Arrangements

Jongwoon feels a weird sense of deja vu when he opens the door to his and Haru's apartment and leads Donghae in, a smiling Haru following them while clutching Donghae’s blender to her chest. The host seemed to have a huge attachment to the appliance and it made Haru proud to have been given the oh-so-important task of looking after it. Donghae had worried that it was too heavy for her but Haru just shook her head and said that she was a big girl now that she had started Big School and really, her bag of school things weigh a bit more. Jongwoon had watched all this then with mixed emotions, mind still reeling at all the coincidences that seem to be intertwining his and Donghae’s lives together. 

Jongwoon sighs, wonders if the universe was trying to tell him something, places the bags he was carrying beside the couch, before he and Haru go and greet Miyuki as usual. He is surprised when Donghae joins them, gives a respectful bow a little bit off to the side, and Jongwoon realizes he’s never really properly introduced Donghae to Miyuki, clears his throat, feeling more embarrassed than he probably should.

“Uhm, Miyuki. This is... Uhm... That is...”

“Hae-oppa-nim,” Haru chimes in helpfully. “He’ll be staying with Appa and Haru-chan until he finds a home again because he’s got nowhere else to go. Isn’t that awful, ‘kaachan?”

Donghae blinks at Haru’s introduction, moreso at her choice of words. Home. It has been years since Donghae actually had a home and hearing Haru say the word makes him tear up a bit, startles when he realizes that Haru was looking at him expectantly. So was Jongwoon, with that weird expression on his face that Donghae has yet to figure out the meaning of. Not sure what to do — because really what does one do when, more or less, formally introduced to the deceased spouse of the one he l— Donghae coughs, stopping his thoughts from going there, hadn’t actually had the time to process the revelation over the stressful weekend, leaving the matter of his feelings for Jongwoon for another day. Instead, he awkwardly bows again and says, “Hello, Miyuki-ssi. Sorry for, uhm, intruding. Don’t worry, I’ll be leaving as soon as I can so...”

“You don’t have to, though,” Jongwoon finds himself saying before he could stop himself, making Donghae look at him strangely.

“I mean,” he backtracks. “You could stay for as long as you need until you can find more permanent arrangements. It’s just Haru and me here anyway.” A pause. “But of course if you really want to go... I mean, I’m sorry the couch is all I could offer right now but there’s a spare room we could clean out if you want and...”

Jongwoon’s phone rings, saving him once again for digging himself deeper into a hole. He looks down at it, eyes widening when he sees who is calling.

“Ah, I’m sorry, Donghae-ssi. I have to go. I forgot I had to drop by the agency before going to Heechul-hyung-nim’s place. Uhm, I guess I’ll... Here.” Suddenly, Jongwoon is taking Donghae’s hand in his and placing something in it. He pulls away quickly though, the warmth of his hand barely registering, leaving Donghae to blink down at the thing in his hand. “It’s our spare key. Sorry, I never got to change the keychain.”

The keychain was a clownfish, made of wood and slightly chipped along the edges. Donghae doesn’t really see what was wrong with it. In fact, he finds it quite cute, is about to say so when Jongwoon bends down to give Haru a hug and a kiss, Donghae’s blender still between them.

“I’m sorry, Haru-chan. Appa has to go to work now. Let’s go get you a Happy Meal some other time, okay?”

“Okay, Appa,” Haru says. “Can we get one for Hae-oppa-nim too?”

Jongwoon smiles in spite of himself. “Of course. Now be good and keep Hae— Donghae-ssi company while I’m away, okay. You can show him where everything is.”

Jongwoon’s phone starts ringing again and he barely keeps himself from cursing. “Sorry, I really have to go now.” He places another kiss on Haru’s head before practically running to the door and Donghae wonders why it seems to be familiar sight.

Jongwoon stops before he turns the doorknob, looks back at Donghae and Donghae is reminded of that morning after the very first night at Gold. “Uhm, Donghae-ssi. Sorry, I can’t help you settle in now but please make yourself at home.” 

There it was again. That word — home — and Donghae’s treacherous heart skips a beat.

And, as if that weren’t enough, Jongwoon gives Donghae a small smile and says, “See you later, Donghae-ssi.”

And with that, Jongwoon leaves, closing the door behind him also like that first morning but unlike that first morning, Donghae finds himself smiling because this time, he knows Jongwoon would be coming back.


	50. Settling In

Donghae yawns, eyes drooping sleepily as he struggles to stay awake after the ordeal of the previous night. He looks down at the top Haru's head leaning against his shoulder and finds himself smiling. They had settled on the couch after the simple dinner Donghae managed to put together using the scraps in Jongwoon’s kitchen but she eventually had fallen asleep somewhere in the middle of the Little Mermaid, silently curled up against Donghae. 

Another yawn and Donghae sighs. It is almost midnight and yet Jongwoon hadn’t come home and Donghae wants nothing more than to tuck Haru into her bed and sleep for 48 hours straight. But then it would be rude not to wait up for Jongwoon, especially on the first  night, so Donghae just sits there and tries not to think too much as he watches Ariel and Prince Eric kiss on the screen yet again, wondering if he’d get his own happy ending. 

Donghae’s phone vibrates with a call on the couch next to him and he picks up, thankful for the distraction. 

“Hae! Chagi! Where are you?” Hyukjae’s frantic voice greets him and Donghae smiles. 

“Hyukkie, hello.” 

“Don’t just ‘hello’ me, you dumbass! Tell me where you are! I dropped by your apartment only to find it in shambles. What the hell, Hae!” 

Donghae sighs. “Our apartment got demolished and apparently I missed the notice to move out.” 

“What?” Hyukjae practically screeches. “And you didn’t even think to call...” 

Another sigh. “I thought you had enough on your plate already as it is, with Siwon-ssi and all. I didn’t want to...” 

“You dumbass. You absolute fucking dumbass. I was so worried...” 

Donghae blinks. “Hyukkie, are you crying?” 

“Of course I am, you stupid son of a bitch. I thought the building collapsed and you...” 

“Hyukkie,” Donghae says. “I’m...” 

“Don’t. Just... tell me where you are. I’ll come and get you and...” 

“I’m at Jongwoon-hyung’s apartment.” 

“Of course, you are. I know you don’t have anywhere else to go and... wait, what?” 

Donghae sighs. “I was staying at the park because, as you said, I have nowhere else to go, when he and Haru walked by. It was totally by accident, I swear. I just walked and walked and walked and ended up there and...” 

A sigh. “Hae, don’t lie. You totally wanted to be found.” 

“Hyukkie...” 

“Just... Please be careful, Hae. I know now that your Jongwoon-hyung isn’t a bad person and he wouldn’t hurt you, at least not intentionally, but he... They... People from the outside world, they might never truly understand the life we lead and...” 

Donghae frowns at his friend’s words. “Hyukkie, what are you...” 

“I’m seeing Siwon-ssi.” 

Donghae balks. “What?” 

“Siwon-ssi... I agreed to try going out with him.” 

“What? Why? You’re leaving Gold in a year and Shindong-hyung...” 

“Because he understands, Hae, and Shindong-hyung...” Hyukjae sighs. “I’m glad you found a place to stay, Hae-ah. Please take care of yourself.” 

He hangs up. 


	51. Compatible

Hyukjae clears his throat and straightens the jacket of his new suit, feeling more out of place than he's ever felt in his entire life and that was saying something. Siwon had asked to meet at one of the more upscale restaurants their side of the city, had sent the suit Hyukjae was wearing together with the invitation Hyukjae found himself staring at as he sat in his apartment two hours before their scheduled dinner, wondering exactly what he'd gotten himself into. 

If he were being honest, Hyukjae would actually have been okay if this had happened at any other time. After all, Siwon was one of his better clients — handsome, kind, knew his limits, not to mention filthy rich. He treated Hyukjae well all things considered and he had always been Hyukjae's top pick if he were forced to choose a patron... but then things changed and now... now that Hyukjae has had a taste of freedom in that tiny dance studio far removed from the four walls of Gold, found himself discovering things he wants to do and be passionate about not to mention someone he actually wants to be with... Hyukjae was more than ready to turn down Siwon's invitation, fine suit and all, had done so actually last night, only to have Siwon smile that calculating smile of his and lean in closer. 

“Oh, you’ll be there,” Siwon had whispered in that deep, familiar voice that had Hyukjae shaking inspite of himself in an almost conditioned response. “After all, you wouldn’t want Shindong-hyung to find out that it’s not insurance that you’ve been actually selling all this time, would you?” 

Hyukjae just sat there, frozen, as Siwon placed a gentle kiss on his cheek. 

"See you tomorrow, Ariadne," he said and Hyukjae ran. 

Now though... 

Hyukjae grits his teeth as he goes over his game plan in his head while following the waitress to their reserved table. He’d thought about it and his best bet was to pull the club-policy card, wondering why he hadn’t thought about it in the first place and if having Donghae as a best friend for all those years were finally taking its toll on his braincells. He spots Siwon, a smile lighting up the man’s already attractive face when he sees Hyukjae, and Hyukjae feels his heart skip a beat. 

“Ariadne,” Siwon greets him and Hyukjae cringes at the use of his host name. Siwon keeps smiling though, totally oblivious to Hyukjae’s annoyance, pulls Hyukjae into a hug before leading him by the waist to their table. 

Hyukjae allows himself to be led, allows Siwon to pull out his chair for him before settling back into his own, to signal to the waitress and order for them both, remains silent even when the food arrives and they begin to eat and Siwon asks about his day, making Siwon sigh. 

“Ariadne,” Siwon says, a bit exasperated. “I know it was a horrible move on my part to use Shindong-hyung to make you go out with me today. Trust me, I didn’t want to. I just wanted to see you especially after the shutdown and...” 

“You shouldn’t.” 

“What?” 

“You shouldn’t... want to see me, that is. It’s against the club’s rules and...” 

“But you’re leaving, right? Next year, if the rumors are true.” 

Hyukjae’s eyes widen.  How..?

“And by your reaction, it seems like it’s true.” A sigh. “Ariadne, you know I... I’ve always told you... Why don’t you give me a chance?” 

Silence. It wasn’t that Hyukjae didn’t want to give Siwon a chance, it’s just that... 

“Is it Shindong-hyung?” Siwon asks calmly and Hyukjae raises his head to meet Siwon’s knowing gaze. 

“I...” 

“It is, isn’t it?” Another sigh and Siwon reaches over to cover one of Hyukjae’s trembling hands in his while the other moves up to stroke Hyukjae’s cheek. “Ah, my poor, sweet Ariadne... He’s straight, you know, and from what I’ve heard, a very upright person. I doubt he would want anything to do with one of your profession. Besides, even if he did, I don’t think he’d know what to do to satisfy your unique... needs.” And Hyukjae’s breath hitches as Siwon’s hand moves down from his cheek to trace his jawline before settling at the back of his nape, thumb stroking his neck, as it usually did those nights they’d spent together. 

Siwon smirks at the reaction, before continuing, “But you and I, we’re compatible, you see. I know exactly what you need and so do you. Why don’t we give it a try, huh? Something more permanent than what Gold allows?” 

And Hyukjae hates himself even more when those words spoken in that tone manage to make him second guess himself. 

“Be mine,” Siwon says for the hundredth time since they’d met and for the first time, Hyukjae actually considers it. 

He ends up not going home that night. 


	52. Fair Exchange

Jongwoon sighs as he walks dejectedly away from the parking lot towards his apartment building. Today had not been a good day for him at work. Forgetting that he had to drop by the agency before picking Heechul up for his schedule made him late in picking the celebrity up resulting in them being late for filming. Heechul, the consummate professional, had chewed him out for this, of course, but not before apologizing profusely to the director and production staff. The set back also put the Heechul in a bad mood for the rest of the night so that when he received a call after filming had ended informing him that Jungsoo had just moved out of his apartment — that last apartment that Jongwoon failed to check out because he'd lost track of the time while having dinner with Youngwoon — all hell broke loose. 

“Fuck! Damn! Fuck! Shit! Goddamnit! Of all the time you could fuck up, you stupid son of a...” 

Jongwoon had cringed then. Heechul's reaction was understandable and Jongwoon knew he sort of deserved it after fucking up twice but he couldn't help but feel a bit hurt at Heechul’s words, not to mention disappointed at himself, was wondering if that meant he'd be out of work by morning and how would he explain to Haru that her father just lost his work because of being careless? Luckily, Heechul's phone rang again before he could fire Jongwoon and the manager listened as Heechul’s source appeared to relay new information on Jungsoo’s whereabouts. Heechul wordlessly wrote the address down before handing it to Jongwoon, saying, "Check this address out. My asset is positive this is where he moved. Be thankful you're the only one I could trust with this. Don’t fuck it up this time.” 

“Yes, hyung-nim. I’m sorry, hyung-nim,” Jongwoon had said, bowing low for the nth time that night, and so he did, using the story Heechul had come up with as his cover and, though he did not get to speak to Jungsoo, he at least managed to get a confirmation from Jungsoo’s landlady that the host had indeed just moved in. Said landlady had been looking at him suspiciously though, considering that it was almost midnight when he’d visited, so he decided not to push the issue, promising to return another day with his boyfriend instead. 

_Boyfriend._

No matter how many times he’d used the cover story, Jongwoon still finds himself blushing whenever he uses the word, the mere idea of referring to Donghae as his boyfriend somehow always managing to remind him of the time he almost kissed the host on his living room couch... the same living room couch, Jongwoon’s mind supplies helpfully, that Donghae would most likely be sleeping on right now. 

Jongwoon shakes his head, concentrates on trying to remember the contents of his kitchen and if it were enough for Donghae and Haru to have managed to have dinner as he rides the elevator up to their floor. He’d totally forgotten about making dinner arrangements for the two but Donghae had assured him before that he could cook when needed and Jongwoon trusted Donghae enough to at least feed Haru something edible. 

The elevator doors open sooner than Jongwoon expects and he finds himself hesitating as he walks towards the door to their apartment as it finally hits him that this would be the first time he’d be sharing his apartment with someone else aside from Miyuki and Haru, no matter how temporary, and suddenly, Jongwoon is overwhelmed with just how fast things seem to be changing, especially where Donghae is concerned. 

Telling himself that he was making Donghae staying with him and Haru a much bigger deal than it probably is, Jongwoon takes a deep breath to calm himself, squares his shoulders and unlocks his apartment. The door opens to a dark living room dimly lit by the television currently playing the final credits of what sounded like Frozen. He walks quietly before Miyuki’s picture to greet her with his usual “I’m home” before tiptoeing quietly towards the couch, finds himself smiling when he is greeted by the sight of Donghae and Haru in fluffy pajamas leaning against each other fast asleep. It is such a peaceful sight that Jongwoon can’t bring himself to disturb them, carefully sits down on the other side of the sofa next to Haru to watch them, all the worries and cares and stress of the day melting away as he listens to their quiet breathing, takes in their sleeping faces, tries not to get too distracted by Donghae’s long eyelashes or full lips slightly parted in as they were that fateful night. 

He probably makes a sound then — what, he doesn’t know — because suddenly, Donghae’s eyes are blinking open and he finds himself looking into a pair of puppy eyes looking sleepily back at him. 

“Jongwoon-hyung?” Donghae asks, rubbing his eyes in a gesture Jongwoon found just a bit too cute. “You’re here! I’m sorry I couln’t wait up. The past 48 hours were just too stressful and I...” 

Jongwoon smiles and shakes his head. “Don’t worry, Donghae-ssi. You don’t need to apologize. In fact, it should be me who should say sorry for making you wait up.” 

Donghae yawns — still way too cutely, Jongwoon notes — before gently, unconsciously, leading Haru’s head to lean against the couch before looking back at Jongwoon. “Did you eat? I could heat up some leftovers for you and I think we still have rice.” 

Jongwoon blinks when he realizes that no, he had not eaten, too stressed and absorbed with trying to make up for his work mishaps. Donghae just tsks at him, standing up and stretching, giving Jongwoon a glimpse of a flat tummy, before walking towards the kitchen counter. 

“Yeah, thought so,” Donghae says as he starts the stove and begins puling out a bowl, a plate, and a pair of chopsticks, looking so much at home in Jongwoon’s kitchen that it makes the funny feeling in Jongwoon’s stomach worsen. “Seriously, manager-nim, I wish you would really take care of yourself more, if not for yourself, then do it for Haru. Like you keep saying, you’re all she’s got left and...” 

“But I’m not...” 

“Not what?” 

“Not the only one she’s got now.” A smile. “Thank you for looking after Haru, Donghae-ssi. It really means a lot.” 

Donghae falters. “Yeah, well, all I could feed her for dinner is this stew I managed to put together from your kitchen stores which, by the way, needs restocking, and it’s the least I could do since you’re letting me stay and...” 

Jongwoon shakes his head, approaching the counter. “Not only tonight. I mean it for all those other times too since you found her on that park bench. Haru is the person most precious to me right now and I don’t think I could ever thank you enough for what you’ve done for her, for us.” 

“Then let me continue to do it,” Donghae says, looking at Jongwoon with determination. “I’ve been thinking about it and I’m sure you won’t accept rent anyway so I think it’s but fair that I at least help with the household chores, cook and clean and look after Haru in exchange for you letting me stay.” 

“What? But you don’t have t...” 

“I insist,” Donghae says. “I’m... not really good at accepting charity, Jongwoon-hyung, so please let me do this.” 

Jongwoon frowns at Donghae’s phrasing — charity? Did Donghae really think Jongwoon had offered to take him in purely because of pity? — but chooses not to comment, sighs and nods. “Fine. If it’s not too much trouble, then. Thank you so much, Donghae-ssi.” 

“Then it’s settled,” Donghae says, turning towards the stove before stopping and looking back at Jongwoon. “Oh, but I forgot something.” 

And Jongwoon’s heart stutters when Donghae smiles gently up at him, eyes shining, and says, “Welcome home, Jongwoon-hyung. I thought I heard someone say ‘I’m home’ before I woke up and figured you wouldn’t mind hearing someone greet you back for a change. I hope you’d let me do that for you too, okay?” 

Jongwoon just nods, didn’t even know he needed to hear those words until Donghae had said them. 

It’s been years since he’s had anyone to welcome him home like that and it was... nice. 

“Thank you, Donghae-ssi,” he forces himself to say, voice choked up with emotion, but doesn’t trust himself to speak after that. 


	53. No Challenge

Heechul reads the last message Jongwoon had sent him confirming Jungsoo's new address and containing yet another apology and sighs. He regrets how he’d acted that day towards his manager, knows he shouldn't have lashed out at Jongwoon like that. All things considered, being late for a schedule was just par for the course, a mistake anyone, even more experienced managers, could make and the matter of finding Jungsoo was technically not really part of Jongwoon's job description. It was just that the stress and anxiety of being cooped up in his apartment for what felt like ages, added to the fact that he still didn't have any news about Jungsoo, made Heechul even more on edge than he usually was and his poor manager seemed like a convenient target of his admittedly misplaced anger at that time. 

Making a mental note to grant Jongwoon an extra day off the next time he could and to buy him and Haru dinner as an apology, Heechul sinks into his couch, turns the television on to a random channel, and settles in to think. 

He’d tried to find Jungsoo for weeks yet now that he knows where Jungsoo actually is, he finds himself hesitating. 

"Please don't come looking for me anymore," Jungsoo had told him and Heechul wanted so much to respect the host’s wishes, as he'd always tried to on the rare occasions when Jungsoo asked things of him... but then he also wanted to see the host, to see with his own eyes how Jungsoo is doing, and to ask him in person why he was cutting Heechul off like that when things were going so well between them, scandal aside. 

He hesitates and it’s such an un-Heechul thing to do, Heechul wonders if there was anything in the bento they’d given him for dinner. 

"No challenge, no change," he hears a charismatic voice say from the television and he looks up, snorts when he finds a familiar face once again giving a speech at some sort of convention. Choi Siwon. Heechul isn't really that much into politics but he does know that old Assemblyman Choi of their district is on his last term and it looked like he was already preparing his successor. Not that Choi Siwon would need much preparation. The man had been looking and acting like a statesman since the day he’d walked out of whatever Ivy League university he'd graduated from and everyone knew it was just a matter of time. 

Heechul tunes in partially to listen to the man's speech, tapping his fingers on his knees, mind still turning. It was so very tempting to ignore the logical part of himself and just go and find Jungsoo, consequences be damned. After all, Heechul was usually a doer not a thinker, the act-now-ask-questions-later type, and really, why should he start acting rationally now. 

"No challenge, no change," Choi Siwon repeats and Heechul laughs. 

"No challenge, no change, huh?" he says, stands up, throws on a coat, a cap, and a facemask, reaches for his phone. “Okay, Mr. Future Assemblyman, Sir. If you say so.” 

After all, Choi Siwon had a point. If he didn’t face Jungsoo now, who knows when he’d get the chance again? 

Heechul walks towards the door of his apartment and steps out, locking it behind him, thinking that if this works out, Choi Siwon would definitely be having at least one additional vote when the time comes. 


	54. Dichotomy 🔥🔥

Hyukjae lies wide awake in bed, staring at the thankfully familiar ceiling of his apartment, the pleasant ache after spending the previous nights in Siwon's apartment replaced by a hollow feeling in the pit of his stomach after he'd gotten off the phone with Donghae. Donghae, his best friend whom he'd thought he'd lost merely an hour ago when he dropped by to check on him only to find only the remains of the latter's apartment building; his best friend who for all his attempts to act otherwise was still a romantic at heart; Donghae who, by mere luck or destiny or divine intervention seemed to always find his way towards his heart's desire just like some cliche fairytale princess. Hyukjae curses himself. He knows it is stupid — being jealous of his friend being clearly on his way to getting the happiness he didn't even know he wanted, a happiness Hyukjae could only ever dream of no matter how hard he tries... 

As if sensing his thoughts, Hyukjae's phone vibrates with a message and he checks it, not surprised to see that it's from Siwon reminding him to eat and to not stay up too late. 

Hyukjae sighs. Of all the things he'd expected when he'd agreed to go out with Siwon, it definitely wasn't this — kindness and thoughtful messages and sweet words, gentle touches and soft caresses a far cry from whenever they would play their Game. A part of Hyukjae enjoys the attention, the novelty of not being the one doing the chasing for once, not to mention that Siwon was definitely right when he'd said they were compatible and Hyukjae can't help but close his eyes as memories and phantom sensations from the previous night come rushing back. 

He swallows as he remembers Siwon's dark gaze in the mirror as he'd pushed into Hyukjae for what was it... the third? the fourth time? feels the pleasant burn as Siwon took him from behind, bent over the couch in Siwon’s living room. Hyukjae doesn't even remember how they’d gotten there, so lost in the sensations he didn't know he'd been missing and they hadn't even started with their usual Game yet. Hyukjae licks his lips as he remembers the feeling of large hands cupping his ass, of a day's stubble against the back of his neck as gentle kisses are pressed against its side and finds his own hand trailing downward to cup himself, hates himself a bit for giving into the temptation too easily, when suddenly his phone starts ringing and his eyes fly open. 

He sits up and takes few deep breaths to calm himself before answering without even checking who is calling. 

"Hello," he croaks, hoping his voice did not betray what he was about to do just seconds ago. 

"Hello, Hyukjae-ssi?" 

Hyukjae drops his phone then, heart pounding against his chest, wondering if he were hallucinating. He looks at the screen of his phone and confirms that no, he wasn't just imagining things. With shaking fingers, he reaches for his phone and raises it to his ear. 

"Hello, Hyukjae-ssi? Are you okay? I heard something drop and..." 

"S... Shindong-hyung," Hyukjae says, mind still reeling. "What...? Why are you calling?" 

A pause. "What do you mean..? I mean, sorry. I know it's rather late but..." 

"No," Hyukjae says, trying to get his trembling under control. "I mean, it's never too late. To call, that is. It's just... you'd usually just text before and..." 

"Didn't I?" Shindong asks, genuinely confused. "I thought I... Anyway, the thing is, I've got great news. Hyukjae-ssi, I got another project. The previous live went so well that I got a referral and I was wondering if you wanted to help out." An embarrassed laugh. "I mean, the pay won’t be that big and I know you’re probably busy with work but... You have an eye for directing, did you know that, Hyukjae-ssi? Your idea to use the revolving doors... the fans absolutely loved that. Now I’m doing a live for a boygroup which I have a feeling you'd actually want to try to do and... Hello, Hyukjae-ssi? Are you still there?” 

Hyukjae nods, realizes Shindong couldn't see him, manages to croak out a "Yes, I'm still here," but there's something in his voice that makes the older man pause and ask. 

“Hyukjae-ssi? Hey, are you okay? Look, if this is a bad time, I could just...” 

“Hyung...” Hyukjae finds himself saying, not managing to keep the trembling from his voice. “Hyung, I’m...” 

“Are you... crying?” Shindong’s tone is oddly gentle then, a sudden change from the friendly yet business-like tone he usually uses. 

Hyukjae blinks when he realizes that he is, bites his lower lip to keep himself from letting out a sob, Shindong’s words overlapping with Siwon’s in his mind, reminding him of the questions he'd been asking himself ever since he'd started volunteering at Shindong's stuido. Was there life after Gold? Could there really be something out there waiting for him? Could he somehow find happiness doing something other than what he’s been settling for all his life? Did someone like him even deserve happiness? 

Hyukjae rubs at his eyes and forces a laugh when he realizes he's been silent for a while. “Uhm, yeah. Sorry. It’s just that I dropped by Donghae’s apartment to find it in shambles and my stupid brain somehow thought he'd gotten buried when it collapsed. Just managed to talk to him actually and he said it was a scheduled demolition but it really was quite a scare for me so yeah...” 

Hyukjae curses silently. It was so obviously a cop out and he doubts if Shindong would buy it but at least it wasn’t completely a lie and it wasn’t like Hyukjae could’ve told Shindong the truth anyway, even if he actually understood why he was crying in the first place. 

“Hyukjae-ssi...” Shindong says quietly. By the tone of his voice, it sounded as though he didn't believe him as expected and Hyukjae curses Shindong's perception for the first  time. 

“Anyway,” Hyukjae says, trying to change the subject. “That project you called about. I’ll do it. I mean, I suddenly have a bit of free time anyway. I don’t know if I’d be of any help but if Director Shin-nim says I could do it, then it’d be stupid of me to turn the offer down, pay or no pay.” 

Silence and Hyukjae crosses his fingers, hoping against hope that his diversion worked this time. 

"Okay," Shindong says after a while, still sounding doubtful. "Okay. See you at the studio on Wednesday then?" 

Hyukjae takes a deep breath. "Yes," he says. "I'll be there." 

"Great," Shindong replies, once again back to his usual tone. "Good night then, Hyukjae-ssi." 

"Good night, hyung," Hyukjae replies, waits for Shindong to hang up before curling up in bed and letting the tears fall, feeling as though he'd just betrayed someone. 


	55. Fan

Heechul stands before the corner of a certain street, looking up at what is apparently Jungsoo's apartment. He'd been standing there for a while actually, feeling every bit like a stalker, hoping that he didn't look suspicous enough for the building's owner to call the cops on him as what remains of his common sense argues with Choi Siwon's voice in his head. After all, it was one thing to haul his ass out of his apartment and come here and yet another to actually take the final step to see Jungsoo, especially when the latter made it perfectly clear to Heechul that he didn't want to see him again. 

Heechul sighs, wondering if going to get drunk before doing so would actually help or cause more harm when suddenly, someone rounds the corner and barrels into him, makes him fall on his ass. 

"Yah! What the fuck, you asshole. Watch where you're going! Are you fucking drunk or..." 

He blinks when the stranger, a tall man with a broad build that Heechul can only dream of achieving, looks down at him with a worried expression, hand outstretched. 

"Oh, I'm so sorry. I didn't expect... Kim Heechul-nim?" 

Heechul curses when he realizes that he's been recognized, wonders how it were possible considering that his face is covered when the person's face transforms into one of wonder as the owner of the hand bodily hauls Heechul up despite his protests and shakes his hand. 

"Oh my god, is it really you? I'm such a huge fan. I really am. Seriously, I never thought... oh wow. What are you doing here?" 

Heechul blinks. Heechul was no stranger to having fanboys but usually said fanboys, with a very few exceptions, kept their distance and were not as grabby or curious as this one. 

"I mean, I doubt you live around here. The rent's too cheap that even I can afford it and wow, somebody pinch me, maybe I am dreaming after all." 

Heechul smiles awkwardly, tries to retrieve his hand from the fan's firm grip to no avail, says instead. "Uhm, yeah. I kinda got lost and my phone died. Hey, can you release my hand now and point me to the nearest convenience store? I really have to go." 

His fan blinks and does as he is asked. "Oh, yeah. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I just got too excited. I didn't expect... wow. Kim Heechul." Shakes his head, embarrassed. "Uhm, the nearest convenience store is two blocks away. Turn a right at the next corner." 

"Okay," Heechul nods, pretending to take in the directions. "Well, thank you, you've been a great help. Though if you could please not mention this to anyone, that would be great too. If you're really my fan, you'd know I really can't afford the attention right now, okay?" 

"Okay, hyung-nim," the fan says. "But uhm, I'm sorry but can I please get your autograph? I don't know if I'd ever get the chance again and I..." 

Heechul shrugs. "Yeah, sure," takes the pen the man hands to him excitedly and his phone. "To whom should I adddress this?" 

"Kangin. My name is Kangin, hyung-nim." 

"Okay," Heechul says, scribbling his standard dedication then signing on the phone case before handing the man's phone back. "There you go, Kangin-ssi. Thank you for the directions and remember your promise, okay?" 

"You don't have to worry hyung-nim,” the man says with a smile. “My lips are sealed.” 

Heechul nods and returns the smile. “Well then, good night." 

Decision seemingly made for him and to avoid another scandal, Heechul starts walking away from Jungsoo's apartment and towards the direction of the convenience store, hoping against hope that his fan, Kangin, was telling the truth. 


	56. Mayhaps He Shouldn't Have Asked

"Here's your chicken sandwich and Irish Cream, hyung-nim, with an extra shot of vodka and two pumps of whipped cream, just like you wanted," Jongwoon says, placing the items on the table next to Heechul. "Oh, and I printed out your schedule for tomorrow. We can leave anytime you're ready."

Heechul looks up from his phone and frowns at a smiling Jongwoon. Contrary to what he expected after he'd lashed out at him, his manager seemed to actually have become more determined to prove his worth, has become more efficient at his tasks, less spacey, and managed to remember to do most of what he is asked to do, hadn’t actually handed in his resignation and Heechul knows he shouldn't be complaining except that...

“Well, you seem more eager to go home lately, I mean, more than usual.”

Jongwoon blinks, before blushing a bright pink and Heechul is suddenly reminded of all the ammunition he'd gained while babysitting Haru that he hadn't managed to use before he lost his temper on his manager. He smirks.

"Ah, so it's _that_ , huh?"

"That?" Jongwoon asks, confused.

"Haru told me everything about you and Daphne," Heechul says meaningfully while taking a sip of his extremely modified coffee. "I mean, you keep saying you two aren't dating but a child doesn't lie, you know."

"Hyung-nim..."

"So tell me, are you two living together now or something?"

"H-hyung-nim," Jongwoon splutters, turning an impossible shade of red. "That is... It's just... He has nowhere to go and..."

"Aha!" Heechul says triumphantly. "So you are living together! Can't say I expected that but I won't really blame you. It's hard to say no to Daphne when he gives you that look, am I right?"

Yes, Heechul was right but Jongwoon, who doesn't want to dig himself into a deeper hole than he already finds himself in, wisely doesn't comment, coughs and, trying to change the subject, says instead, "Well, things are the way they are. By the way, hyung-nim, I've always been wondering — why do you keep on calling Donghae-ssi 'Daphne if you know his real name?”

Heechul smirk grows wider and Jongwoon has been working long enough for him to know that that wasn't a good sign.

“Why? Well, I'm so glad you asked, Jongwoon-ah," Heechul says, standing up and practially stalking towards Jongwoon, a predatorily gleam in his eyes. "It's actually because of this one photo he showed me before. Do you want to see it?”

Jongwoon gulps, knows that the safe answer, the only answer is a big fat "no", yelps helplessly when Heechul slings an arm around his shoulders and pushes his phone in front of him before he could even blink.

Jongwoon's eyes widen, mouth suddenly going dry, and Heechul gives him a knowing grin.

"But alas, it was quite some time ago. Daphne has long stopped dressing like that, saying some ridiculous thing about it not suiting him but yeah..." A side glance. "Maybe if it was you who asked though..."

"Hyung-nim! We... I don't..." sputters in denial, looking so close to hyperventilating that Heechul takes pity on him.

"Your loss." Heechul shrugs. "Well, come along now. It's not only you who has some other matters to attend to, though yours is definitely more pleasant than mine. Bring the van to the front and call me when you get there, okay?"

"Okay, hyung-nim," Jongwoon says, a bit too eager to get away, practically runs away when Heechul releases him, doesn't even register Heechul's laugh that couldn't be described as anything but evil, as he tries but fails miserably to forget the vision of Donghae as Daphne that has been burned into his mind.

—

[A/N] The photo, for those who are curious (source credits on photo):


	57. Duality and Denial

Jongwoon stops before the door of his apartment and takes a deep breath, heart thumping hard against his ribcage. He couldn't seem to get the picture of Donghae at his "Daphne-est" off his mind for some reason. It didn't help that he'd just received the very same photo from Heechul just as he got off the elevator at his floor with more 😘 and 😏 emojis than was probably necessary. 

Jongwoon sighs. He honestly was at that point where he'd actually given up trying to understand his attraction to Donghae, or even bother denying it for that matter. It was just... there, has become a facet of his life Jongwoon would rather not think much less do anything about but after seeing that photo... 

Another sigh and Jongwoon shakes his head when he realizes he's been standing there for a whole ten minutes, curses at himself. This was getting ridiculous. Tightening his grip on the bag of groceries he'd stopped (stalled) to get, he braces himself and reaches for his keys. 

He opens his apartment to a quiet living room and heaves a sigh of relief. It was already past 10:00 PM and maybe it was a little bit presumptious of him to assume that Donghae would wait up for him tonight to have dinner together, as the host had done each of the past nights he'd been stayning with them. He walks in, locking the door behind him, stops before Miyuki's picture to greet her and tell her about his day — or, at least, those parts of it that didn't make him feel that he was betraying her or something. He gets to the part when he has to fend off yet another of Heechul’s sasaeng fans when he hears someone step out of the kitchen and into living room. He looks in that direction to see a shirtless Donghae walking towards the bathroom, a towel hanging from his neck. He is thankfully at least wearing sweatpants this time though it doesn't make it any better for Jongwoon who takes one look at all those sweaty, well-toned muscles on display and feels his brain shortcircuit trying to reconcile the fact that this was the same Donghae as the one whose picture Jongwoon had found himself thinking about just minutes ago. 

"Jongwoon-hyung?" Donghae asks, noticing that he wasn't alone. "Finally, you're home! Welcome home. I tucked Haru into bed at 9:00 and went for a workout. Your apartment has a pretty decent gym, did you know that?" 

No, Jongwoon actually didn't know that, not that he could say so, too busy tracking a bead of sweat that had dripped from Donghae's hair and was currenlty making its way down Donghae's chest and... 

"Oh, I'm sorry," Donghae says, thankfully taking Jongwoon's silence for something other than what it actually is. "Did you want to take a shower too? Sorry but can I go first? I feel really disgusting right now. I promise I'll be quick." A flirty smile. "Unless, you know, you'd like to join me?" 

Jongwoon lets out a rather undignified squeak then and Donghae laughs. 

"Fine, fine. I was just joking, manager-nim, as always. Just let me take my shower and I'll prepare dinner, okay?" 

And with that, he walks into the bathroom, close the door securely behind him to a still gaping Jongwoon wondering what in the world he was thinking when he invited Donghae to stay with them. 

— 

Jongwoon stares at the sight of Donghae puttering about his kitchen, wondering when it had become an almost natural sight. 

They both had taken a shower then — no, not together, though not for the lack of trying on Donghae's part — and were now sitting down for a late dinner. 

Donghae places a plate of fried fish in the middle of the table and hands Jongwoon a bowl of rice and another empty one. He then places and a big bowl of what appeared to be seaweed soup between them before taking the seat opposite Jongwoon’s. 

Jongwoon looks up at him. "Seaweed soup? What's the occasion? It's not your birthday, is it, Donghae-ssi?" 

Donghae shrugs, pulling up the sleeves of the fluffy, oversized pajama top he'd changed into . “No occasion. Just felt like making it. My birthday isn’t until the fifteenth of next month. You?” 

Jongwoon blinks. October 15? That was the same as... 

“Haru,” Jongwoon says. “You have the same birthday as Haru.” Right in the middle of Jongwoon’s favorite season which, for some reason, seemed to mark both the happiest and saddest moments of his life. 

“Oh,” Donghae says, scooping seawood soup into Jongwoon’s empty bowl. “That’s nice. I never really met anyone I shared a birthday with. I’m happy I could share at least that with Jongwoon-hyung’s most precious person. Here you go. I hope you like it.” 

Jongwoon takes the proferred bowl gratefully and frowns at Donghae’s odd phrasing.

“Uhm, thanks,” he says instead. “I really didn’t think... wow. So I guess that makes it easy for even my poor memory to remember.” 

Donghae shrugs yet again, almost dismissively. “I’m sure it’ll be just like any other day, same as the past how many years so it wouldn’t be that big of a deal if you forget. Anyway, what about you? When’s your birthday, Jongwoon-hyung?” 

“August 24,” Jongwoon says and it feels so odd that they’re only sharing such basic information about themselves just now. 

“Oh?” Donghae says. “It passed already. Maybe next y— Ah, never mind. We can just consider this seawood soup I cooked as a late ‘Happy Birthday, Jongwoon’ celebratory soup, can’t we?” 

Jongwoon blinks, then smiles tenderly at Donghae, oddly touched and so very sure that it showed in his look. 

“Okay,“ he says, unknowingly still with that soft, gentle smile he usually reserves for Haru on his face. “Okay. Come to think of it, I hardly celebrate my birthdays either so this would be the first celebratory soup anyone has cooked for me in a while. Thank you, Donghae-ssi.” 

Donghae makes an odd noise then and Jongwoon frowns when he sees Donghae holding his hands in front of his face, looking like he wanted to disappear into them. “Donghae-ssi, what’s wrong? Are you okay?“ 

Donghae peeks out at him from between his fingers and he is surprised to find the host blushing a deep red. 

“Donghae-ssi?” He asks, only to have Donghae squeak and hide his face in his hands once again. 

“I’m sorry,” Donghae croaks. “Just... please don’t mind me, manager-nim. I just need a few seconds to recover. Just eat up before the food gets cold, okay?” 

“Recover?” Jongwoon asks, confused. “From what?” 

Silence and then... 

“Hyung’s smiling face,” Donghae finally mumbles and Jongwoon thinks he may have misheard. “Hyung’s smiling face... it’s just too handsome.” A deep sigh before Donghae is looking up at Jongwoon with shining eyes and there’s something in that look that makes Jongwoon’s breath catch in his throat. A smile and then Donghae says exactly the words Jongwoon has been trying to avoid thinking about since the moment he’d tried to kiss Donghae in his sleep. “Not that I don’t appreciate it but... just, be careful, hyung. If you keep on smilng at me like that, I might just think you’re in love with me.” 


	58. An Unexpected Visitor

Donghae sighs as he painstakingly draws a pattern of a mermaid’s tail onto some tracing paper he'd found in Jongwoon's storage, tongue sticking out in concentration, pausing once in a while to replay the tutorial he’d found on YouTube. He'd managed to keep himself busy in the morning with chores and bringing Haru to and from school but when Haru had gone to her room to work on her Korean homework, Donghae had once again found himself without anything else to do but to curse himself for last night's misstep. 

Because it was one thing to flirt and tease and make suggestive comments to someone and totally another matter altogether to practically ask that person, no matter how indirectly, if they had feelings for you. And, to make matters worse, Donghae had even used the L-word — not the milder, less complicated feeling of attraction or liking or want but love. 

Love. 

It has been barely a week since Donghae had come to terms with his own feelings for Jongwoon and even he had a tough time admitting to himself that he had fallen in love with the older man. So how much more difficult could it be for someone who had been married, is apparently straight, and with a kid to admit that he had the same sort of feelings for someone like Donghae, someone who is the polar opposite of everything his beloved Miyuki ever was? 

Donghae sighs, raking a hand through his hair in frustration. By the deer-in-headlights expression on Jongwoon's face last night, it seems like Donghae really had put him on the spot and a part of Donghae thinks that the slight avoidance he'd received from Jongwoon since their dinner was just to be expected, if not altogether merited, even if Donghae had tried so hard to dispel the situation by pretending that it was just another flirty comment on his part made in jest. But it was not and even Jongwoon somehow picked up on the earnestness behind Donghae’s careless words. 

"Well, at least you didn't outright confess," Hyukjae's voice sounds in his head and he curses his bestfriend for forcing him to consider the L-word in the first place. 

"Not that he ever listens to his own advice," Donghae mutters with a vengeance, accidentally poking a hole in the tracing paper when he presses the pencil down too hard on it. His best friend had apparently just left Siwon's apartment when Donghae had called him that morning and was on his way home to change into something “more suitable” before going to Shindong's studio. Donghae had said nothing about the odd arrangement then — he knows by experience that there are things better discussed (argued about) in person. Besides, when Hyukjae makes up his mind about something, he could be equally as stubborn, if not even more than Donghae, though it was quite rare for Hyukjae to find things to be stubborn over. Doesn't change the fact that this was his best friend's fault though. 

Yes, Donghae decides. This definitely was Hyukjae's fault. But then it was not a complete rejection and Donghae allows a small part of him to hope that it really was just confusion on Jongwoon’s part because, no matter how dense Donghae could be, he would recognize that look in Jongwoon’s eyes in a heartbeat as the same one he’d sometimes find himself giving the other even before he had been made aware of his feelings and somehow that flicker of hope had been enough to tide him through the day. 

Donghae places the final touches on his rough sketch, happy with getting a headstart with the project, when he hears someone open the front door. 

“Jongwoon-hyung?” He whispers, setting aside the pattern he’d been working so hard on and getting up, forgetting to pause the tutorial as well as everything else, heart pounding in spite of himself at the thought of getting to see Jongwoon sooner than expected. After all, all he’d gotten from Jongwoon this morning was a hurried goodbye so Donghae has no idea when to expect the other back and the idea that Jongwoon could’ve ended work early just to come home... 

Donghae practically runs to the doorstep, can’t keep the smile off his face. 

“Jongwoon-hyung! You’re home early! Why are you...” And the smile falls right off his face when he sees someone else bowing in front of Miyuki’s photo. The man was wearing a suit and carrying a briefcase, clearly having just having come home from work. He man straightens when he hears Donghae approach and Donghae finds himself looking into soft, equally surprised dark eyes that remind him of Jongwoon’s for some reason. 

“You’re not Jongwoon-hyung,” Donghae says intelligently after a minute of shocked staring, belatedly taking a fighting stance, prepared to defend Haru with his life. “You’re not Jongwoon-hyung so who the heck are you, Mister?”


	59. Careless

Hyukjae yawns, walking down the street while rubbing at the rope burns on his wrists, trying not to limp too obviously. He had just left Siwon's apartment when Donghae called him, panicking about letting the L-word slip and Jongwoon avoiding him, and now Hyukjae had changed and was on his way to Shindong's dance studio. 

Hyukjae sighs. This entire thing between his best friend and Heechul's manager seems to have been going on for far longer than necessary and it was honestly quite frustrating to hear about it from Donghae, especially when the two of them so obviously had feelings for each other. After all, Donghae had admitted it himself that he was in love with Jongwoon and as for  Jongw oon  — well,  shouldn't there be a limit to kindness before a person's actions may be reasonably considered as borne of something deeper than friendship? 

Hyukjae snorts. Apparently such limit might not exist because Shindong has been nothing but kind to Hyukjae since the moment they met, and yet... Hyukjae stops walking, curses, and slaps both hands to his cheeks before continuing to walk. 

_Damnit, Hyokjae_ ,  he scolds himself.  _We've been over this before. That thing you thought you could have with Shindong-hyung — no, not gonna happen._

Besides, Hyukjae thinks, he is with Siwon now. Siwon who is sweet and kind and handsome and caring and really everything anyone could ever ask for in a... Hyukjae pauses. What was he to Siwon anyway? They never had really talked about their relationship since the night Siwon had asked Hyukjae to be "his", whatever that meant. 

Hyukjae rounds a corner, sees Shindong's dance studio in the distance, and quickens his pace, the familiar place like some sort of safe haven for him. The sooner he gets there, the sooner he could stop dealing with such useless thoughts. 

The dance studio is still strangely quiet though when he arrives and it is only then that Hyukjae realizes that he is a bit early. Looking at the time on his phone, he wonders if he should have taken an early lunch. He opens the door and greets Yuri at the front desk as per usual who gives him a strange look. 

"Hyukjae-ssi, you're early today. Shindong-ssi didn't say anything about you coming early. He's at the back room if you want him." 

Hyukjae's heart stops, wondering if he'd misheard. "If I..." 

"Want him for anything, yes. He did say not to disturb him but I'm quite sure you'd be an exception." 

"Oh," Hyukjae says, shaking his head. What was with him today? "Ok. Thanks, Yuri-ssi." 

Hyukjae smiles before walking past the few studios the building housed and into the backroom. 

"Shindong-hyung, good morning. I — " 

Hyukjae pauses in his tracks when he sees the other lying on the couch, fast asleep. There were papers strewn all over the floor and the low table next to it together with Shindong's laptop and Hyukjae is reminded of all those times he'd jokingly said that what use was Shindong's apartment to him when he practically lived at his studio anyway. 

As though in a trance, Hyukjae finds himself walking forward, kneels in front of the couch when he gets there, eyes never leaving the Shindong's sleeping face, mesmerized. It was not that Shindong wasn't handsome when he was up and about and laughing at something  Hyu kjae had said or done as they trade playful barbs with each other — he was, and that exactly was Hyukjae’s problem, or at least one of them — but seeing Shindong’s features relaxed in his sleep with what looked like a day’s stubble... Hyukjae finds himself trying to catch his breath at the beautiful , rare sight, makes some sort of noise which makes Shindong stir and Hyukjae stumble back in surprise. Thankfully, Shindong doesn’t wake, merely change positions, and Hyukjae heaves a sigh of relief. 

Really, what  _was_ with him today? 

Sighing, he forces himself to look away, decides to do something useful instead and starts picking up what looked like sketches of stage designs and concept boards. He hits his knee on the table in his rush though, tries not to curse out loud as the pain starts spreading, looking around for something cold. He happens to glance at the suddenly bright screen of Shindong’s laptop, jostled into life by his actions, and feels the wind get knocked out of him once again at what he sees. 


	60. What Friends are For

"I don't get it," Youngwoon says, munching on his burger, sitting on the steps leading to the backdoor of the studio Heechul is currently at. Jongwoon had run into him while he was on a food run and, figuring that he had time based on how the recording was going when he'd left the studio and still was based on Heechul's rants via text — excrutiatingly, painfully slow and oh god, can Jongwoon fucking please let the agency know that this was the last time he'll ever agree to do a museum audio guide recording unless it somehow involved cats or soju or both — agreed to at least eat his share of food out back with him. 

Jongwoon sighs, staring at his own barely eaten burger, wants to tell Youngwoon that he really doesn't get it either, takes a sip of his iced americano. 

"I mean," Youngwoon continues, taking Jongwoon's silence as permission. "Based on what you've told me about him, even I could tell you have feelings for him." 

"You wha— ack!" Jongwoon tries to say, ends up choking on his coffee. 

Youngwoon reaches out to thump Jongwoon on the back just a little bit too hard before handing him a bottle of water. Jongwoon accepts it gratefully and takes several slow sips. 

"Thanks," Jongwoon says when he recovers. "But what exactly did I say that made you think that?" 

"Oh, this and that." A smirk. "Especially everything you told me while you were drunk." 

Jongwoon spits out his water. 

"When I was..?" 

"Yup," Youngwoon says, still smirking. "You may have gotten older, Yesung-hyung, but your alcohol tolerance... pfft. I bet even my cousin's nineteen year-old daughter could outdrink you." 

Jongwoon takes a long sip of water to avoid responding but could already feel his face  t urning red to the tip of his ears. 

"Especially that dream you had. Like, wow. Who would have thought?" 

Jongwoon balks, spits out his water again, cursing at his drunk self. 

"The dream... I... That is... It was just one time, okay!" 

"Aha," Youngwoon says triumphantly. "So there was a dream. I knew it! So, how far did you get, huh, in this dream of yours?" And it is only then that Jongwoon realizes that he'd fallen for the younger man's trap yet again. 

"Kangin..." Jongwoon says warningly and Youngwoon laughs. 

"Fine, fine. I'll cut it out with the dream for now but seriously though, if ever you do have feelings for him, what would be so wrong about that?" 

Silence. 

"Is it because he's a guy?" Youngwoon tries and Jongwoon surprises even himself when he shakes his head almost automatically. No, that isn't it, it never was. Because, though Jongwoon may have always considered himself straight,  t o him, Donghae was  o nly ever just... Donghae and Jongwoon would be lying if he said he hadn’t found the host at least attractive from the moment they met. But then there was the matter of... Jongwoon takes another sip of water, ears burning as he recalls his dream and several close calls. So yeah, except for the fact that Jongwoon honestly wouldn't really know what to do when it came down to it, had never had nor wanted to have any experience, sexual or otherwise, with men before, Donghae's gender has never really been an issue. 

"Is it Miyuki-noona?"  Youngwoon tries again when he gets no answer. A sigh. "Aish, hyung. I mean no disrespect but it's been..." 

"Five years, ten months, and twenty one days. Believe me, I know. But I... Miyuki... She's all I've ever..." 

"But she's gone, hyung," Youngwoon says. "She’s gone  a nd now you have a real shot at being happy once again." 

"Being... happy..?" 

Youngwoon smiles gently at him, one of those rare smiles that takes Jongwoon all the way back. "Your eyes , hyung... they sparkle the same way whenever you talk about Donghae-ssi as they did for Miyuki-noona back in high school, did you know?” 

Jongwon's eyes widen.  N o, he  didn’t know that. So  d id that mean... 

Be careful, hyung. If you keep on smilng at me like that, I might just think you’re in love with me. He hears Donghae say the words that have been haunting him in his mind and suddenly he can't breathe. 

"At any rate," Youngwoon says, crumpling up the burger wrapper, totally oblivious to Jongwoon’s inner crisis. "You should at least appreciate Donghae-ssi more, whatever your feelings for him might be and yeah, that includes sucking it up and stopping all this avoidng.” He then stands up and dusts himself off. “Anyway, I’m sorry, hyung, but I really have to go. You know how restless my boyfriend gets when I leave for too long." 

"Oh," Jongwoon says. "Right. I'm sorry for keeping you. Please tell J 'sorry' for me too and that I'd very much like to meet the one that has kept my favorite dongsaeng tamed for all these years." 

"Sure, hyung, I'll tell him. I'm sure he'd love to meet you one day too," Youngwoon says, smiling. "Oh, and please stop saying I'm your favorite dongsaeng. I'm sure Jongjin is somewhere out there crying right now even though he hasn't heard." 

"Fine, okay. My second favorite dongsaeng then." Jongwoon laughs. "Seriously though, thank you, Kangin. I think I needed that." 

"No, thank you, hyung. For the burger..." A teasing smile. "And for confirming my theory about your dream." 

"What... I..." 

"Besides," Youngwoon continues, still smiling. "You of all people really don't have to mention it. After all, isn't this what friends are for?"


	61. Well, that should hurt

Jongjin wipes a tear from his eye, head still spinning even as he holds a cold compress to his cheek. He had a meeting with a client in the neighborhood and had decided to check on Haru. It was just too strange for Jongwoon not to ask him to look after her, especially now that Haru had begun to go to school again, and Jongwoon's explanation of not wanting to trouble him and Seo more than he already has just doesn't sit well with Jongjin. So he'd dropped by Jongwoon's apartment and entered using the key he had, was paying his respects to Miyuki-noona when suddenly, he heard a familiar voice. 

“Jongwoon-hyung! You’re home early! Why are you...” 

The voice had trailed off and Jongjin looked to its source to find someone dressed in an oversized sweater and shorts, hair tied in a messy bun at his nape. He had a frown on his strikingly beautiful face and suddenly Jongjin was reminded of a certain phone call he made while his hyung was sick. 

“You’re not Jongwoon-hyung,” the man said. “You’re not Jongwoon-hyung so who the heck are you, Mister?” 

Jongjin blinked at the sudden realization of who this was, tried to take a step closer. "Uhm, wait. Please, Donghae-ssi. You're Donghae-ssi, right? I'm..." 

"That's it," Donghae had said, eyes widening at the sudden movement. "I warned you," before he was drawing his arm back  a nd suddenly, Jongjin was seeing stars. 

"Uncle Jongjin!" He heard a worried Haru exclaim before he fell to the floor and  apparently  passed out. 

M inutes later,  J ongjin had woken up to find an apologetic-looking Donghae and a still worried Haru pressing a cold compress against his now swollen cheek. By the way his hyung had described Donghae to him, he really didn’t expect his hyung’s new friend to pack quite the punch. He sat up, taking the cold compress from Haru with a smile. 

"Jongjin-ssi," Donghae was saying. "I'm so sorry. I just thought...  Y ou surprised me and... I'm so, so sorry."  H e had been apologizing since  Jongjin woke up actually, tears welling at the sides of his eyes, even if Jongjin has repeatedly reassured him, in spite of the ringing in his head, that he was okay. 

“ I’m  r eally, truly sorry.” Another apology and Jongjin sighs. 

“Donghae-ssi, look. I’m okay. It’s partly my fault too actually for not ringing the doorbell. I just didn’t think y— anyone would be home with Haru and...” 

“Oh,” Haru says, sipping at her banana milk. “But Hae-oppa-nim is staying with us now, Uncle Jongjin. Didn’t Appa tell you?” 

Jongjin frowns. No, he’d heard nothing of that sort from Jongwoon which just begs the question — why? 

“Uhm,” Donghae says, still looking sheepish. “I actually lost my apartment and didn’t have anywhere to go. Jongwoon-hyung is letting me stay here  and in return I do some chores and look after Haru.” 

Oh. Jongjin blinks. Well, that made sense. His hyung was nothing if not kind and Donghae really sounded like  he was in a bind. He smiles. 

“Well,” Jongjin says. “Thank you for looking after my hyung and Haru-chan then. I had been worried but it’s good to know he finally has someone helping him.” 

"It's absolutely no trouble, Jongjin-ssi,” Donghae says, smiling back. “Haru-chan is such an amazing kid. Don't tell Jongwoon-hyung but my history of looking after people is not that good but with Haru-chan... Jongwoon-hyung has done such a good job at raising her." 

"I look after Hae-oppa-nim sometimes, too, Uncle Jongjin," Haru proclaims proudly. “It’s not just him who looks after me.” 

"Oh?" Jongjin asks. 

"Yup. Like this morning, he looked like he was about to cry when Appa left so I hugged him real tight and gave him the choco-banana  lollipop I’d been saving for the weekend.”

“Haru-chan...” 

Jongjin raises a brow at that. Just what exactly was going on between his hyung and Donghae? He makes a mental note to ask Jongwoon about it the next time. 

“Well,” Jongjin says in an attempt to dispel the awkward questions that were  swimming in his head. “I don’t know about you guys but I’m kind of hungry. Who’s up for some takeout?” 


	62. Epiphany

Jongwoon barges into Haru’s room, looking frazzled and disheveled. Jongjin had called him while he was on his way home and told him about his encounter with Donghae. Mind still troubled by his conversation with Youngwoon, Jongwoon had just agreed with whatever Jongjin had said and promised to take Jongjin out for lunch when he brings Haru back from their parents’ house on Monday. He looks around the semi-darkness of the room, slightly out of breath, and spots Donghae sitting at the side of Haru’s bed. 

“Donghae-ssi,”  Jongwoon says. “I’m so sorry. I heard what happened with Jongjin and I really should’ve warned you about—“ 

Donghae looks at him with a frown and and  s hushes him, a finger to his lips, gestures at Haru who was tucked in bed and fast asleep. Jongwoon watches as the host carefully extracts the hand the child is holding and, with a gentle smile, places a kiss upon her brow, doesn’t know what to make of the emotion that suddenly wells up inside of him and makes him feel like crying. 

Donghae then stands up and walks towards Jongwoon and Jongwoon thinks that Donghae has never looked more beautiful to him than at that moment, that all those other times he’d thought it were a lie. Because there, standing in his daughter’s bedroom in an oversized sweater and shorts, hair artfully messy and moonlight illuminating his features, Donghae really might have been the most beautiful person Jongwoon has ever seen and suddenly, Jongwoon feels unbelievably guilty about how he’d been treating the other. 

“Jongwoon-hyung, welcome home,” Donghae greets him with  h is usual greeting and a  w arm smile that made his eyes sparkle, as though Jongwoon hadn't just been avoiding him the whole day, and it takes all of Jongwoon’s self-control not to take the other in his arms for the first time and never let go. 

“Donghae-ssi, I…”  Jongw oon swallows against the lump in his throat , suddenly  overwhelmed . “Are you... Have you had dinner?”  H e asks lamely, words totally different from those he’d actually wanted to say. 

“Oh, uhm, yeah,” Donghae says, looking sheepish. “I kinda had an early dinner with Jongjin-ssi and Haru but I could sit with you while you eat.  I swear, hyung, I  didn’t mean to  p unch him. Anyway, did Jongjin-ssi tell you? He’s coming back tomorrow to bring Haru to your parents’ house. It’s kind of embarrassing but I think I might just cry when he comes to take her, you know? I don’t know how you do it, hyung. Haru-chan is...” 

Donghae then keeps rambling on and on about just how much he will miss Haru over the weekend but all the words just fly over Jongwoon’s head because at that very moment, Jongwoon is suddenly floored by the realization that, no matter how much he tries to deny it, Youngwoon might actually be right about his feelings for Donghae after all. 

(And year s later, Jongwoon would say that it was at that moment that he knew for sure that he wanted to hold onto Donghae for the rest of his life.) 


	63. Magic

Donghae smiles, humming a little tune as he works on braiding Haru's hair, in a  drastically better mood than he was yesterday morning. Dinner with Jongwoon last night had actually been quite pleasant, though the amount of times he'd caught the older man staring at him was a bit unusual not to mention the way Jongwoon had looked at him... Donghae blushes when he remembers that stare, heart fluttering at the memory of dark eyes staring at him in... wonder? amazement? Something akin to the look Jongwoon had given his the night before last but a little bit more... certain? Donghae had wanted nothing more than to ask Jongwoon about it, teasing him about it at least, but then  t hings were going so well and he really didn't want  a repeat of the previous night, did he? So he'd kept his mouth shut, pretended to ignore those looks that for some reason made him think that Jongwoon would've wanted nothing more  a t those moments but to lean forward and... 

"Hae-oppa-nim, what's does a kiss mean?" 

Donghae blinks down at the top of Haru's head, wondering if he’d just imagined the question. "Haru-chan?" 

"A kiss," Haru says. "Like the one Prince Eric gives Ariel? What does it mean?" 

Donghae sighs. Of all the things he'd ever thought he'd have to do in his life, explaining the concept of a kiss to a child wasn't it, even back when he still entertained dreams of having a family of his own. 

"A kiss, huh?” He says, trying to stall until he could come up with something. “Well, didn't Haru-chan watch the Little Mermaid with Jongwoon-hyung before? What did your Appa say about it?" 

Haru shrugs. "Not much. Just that kisses are supposed to show people how much you love them." 

"And?" 

"Well, I've been thinking about it but Ariel... Didn't she love Prince Eric the entire time? So why didn't she kiss him?" 

Donghae blinks, taken aback by the oddly insightful question.  Why didn't she kiss him when he was in love with im all this time? Why didn't Donghae just kiss Jongwoon last night instead of waiting for him to make the first move? 

"Why didn't she, Hae-oppa-nim?" Haru asks again and Donghae sighs. 

“Maybe because she was scared," Donghae finds himself saying. "Kisses are special, Haru-chan. They have this sort of magic to them that only works when the person you share a kiss with loves you back the way you love them." 

" I still  don’t understand. So why..." 

"She was scared the magic won't work, Haru-chan," Donghae says, tying off the braid he'd been working on for almost half an hour , trying to distract himself from just how much his own words were hitting home. "She was scared it won't work if her prince  d idn’t love her the same way she loved him and would  j ust end up ruining  everything ." A smile. " A nyway, there you go, all done. Haru-chan looks so pretty. I'm sure your grandma and grandpa would..." 

"So how about you, Hae-oppanim?” 

“ What?” 

“Has the magic ever worked for you?" Haru asks, suddenly turning around to look up at Donghae with curious eyes that remind Donghae so much of the eyes that had stared tenderly at him last night. 

_Kisses are special_ , he'd told Haru but then... He opens his mouth, tries to say something, closes it again, realizing that he doesn't really know the answer to that question. 


	64. Special 🔥

_You are special, did you know that, Jungsoo-ah?_

Jungsoo closes his eyes as he feels gentle kisses being peppered down his neck, a hand at the back of his head tilting it to the side for better access. He moans when his lover sucks on a particularly sensitive spot, an almost conditioned response that makes his lover chuckle and do it again. 

_You are special, Jungsoo-ah._

He hears it again in his head as his lover starts kissing down the familiar path from his neck to his chest. 

_You are special, Jungsoo._ _My Jungsoo._

He lets out a gasp inspite of himself when he suddenly feels warm heat surround an already abused nipple, a hiss when his lover starts sucking on it in earnest. 

_You are so very special. Please believe me, Jungsoo._

Again, Jungsoo wonder why it’s at times like this that the voice in his head is loudest. His lover takes the nub in his mouth between his teeth, bites down playfully, and Jungsoo moans. 

_I love you, Jungsoo-ah._

He hears again but this time, Jungsoo doesn’t know if it were from a memory or a dream or mere wishful thinking, even as his lover reaches down to prepare him yet again. He spreads his legs to accomodate the intrusion, mind elsewhere still trying to figure out the source of those words. 

_Please, Jungsoo. Let me..._

The fingers stop stretching him and soon, his lover is groaning as slides into him, yet all Jungsoo can think about is how numb he feels inside. 

_I love you, Jungsoo. Please, tell me..._

"Do you love me?"

Jungsoo hears and suddenly he is opening his eyes to see a face he barely recognizes as that of the man he had promised himself to love for the rest of his life. 

“Do you love me, Jungsoo?” the man repeats and Jungsoo finds himself remembering similar words whispered in his ear when he was thought to be asleep, of gentle hands running through his hair as he was held close, of softer features and a face so very different from the one looking down at him expectantly. 

“I love you,” he says out of habit and his lover smiles, moves forward to capture his lips in a bruising kiss, even as Jungsoo finds himself wondering if the thing he'd known as "love" all his life really was love after all. 


	65. LuRV

“LuRV? What kind of name for a boygroup is that?” Hyukjae laughs, settling on the floor next to Shindong, wiping the sweat off his body with a towel. They’d been going through the choreography of the boygroup they were supposed to be directing a live for since the dance classes for the kids have ended and were now trying to figure out the setlist. 

LuRV, Hyukjae snorts yet again. Seriously? 

“It’s supposed to be a play on the world ‘love,’” Shindong says automatically, not looking up from the video he was watching. “And their concept is supposed to be that the love an idol feels for their fans is special and never one-sided.” 

Hyukjae snorts yet again. “Well, that just spells ‘disaster’ if you ask me. Good luck with them dating and getting married then.” 

“Not if they disband before marriage even becomes an issue,” Shindong says and Hyukjae looks at him, the picture on Shindong’s lockscreen still fresh in his mind. It was a beautiful picture — a picturesque background, good angles. The girl in it was awfully pretty too and Shindong... well, Hyukjae was no expert but that was the happiest he’d seen the older man look since they met and Hyukjae might have found himself falling even more if not for... 

“I’m not married, if that’s what you want to ask,” Shindong suddenly says, still not looking at him, and Hyukjae blinks. 

“Hyung, how...” 

“My laptop’s screen was on when I woke up and you looked extremely guilty.” 

“Oh,” Hyukjae says. “Hyung, I’m sorry. I was just...” 

Shindong does look up from his laptop then and smiles. “Ah, don’t worry about it. I wouldn’t be using it as my lockscreen wallpaper if I minded people seeing. Just so you know, it was from a marriage proposal that fell through a couple of years back, nothing more.” 

“Then why...” Hyukjae begins but stops. 

_Why do you still have that picture as your wallpaper?_

“Well, it is still a good memory.” 

“What?” Hyukjae asks dumbly, wondering if he’d spoken the question out loud after all. 

Shindong laughs. “You looked as if you wanted to ask why I still have our pre-nup photo as my wallpaper. I get that quite a lot actually and that’s my answer. It is still a good memory. I’m glad it happened and that photo is a reminder that I am actually capable of it.” 

Hyukjae frowns. “Capable of what, hyung?” 

“Love,” Shindong says simply. “Or LuRV, as our new client puts it.” He laughs. “Yup, maybe you have a point about their group name. Please remind me not to laugh when someone from their side is around when we finally do rehearsals.” 

Hyukjae smiles at the sound of Shindong’s laughter, suddenly feeling a lot lighter than he had been the whole day, didn’t know just how much he’d been shaken by the picture of Shindong kissing a woman who Hyukjae now knows is his ex-fiancée. 

“Alright, hyung,” he says, laughing as well. “I’ll be sure to...” 

“How about you, Hyukjae-ssi?” Shindong asks suddenly, turning to face Hyukjae with a serious expression. “Have you ever been in love?” 

“ M e?” Hyukjae  a sks, taken aback by the sudden question. Somehow the way Shindong was looking at him then makes his heartbeat quicken. “Hyung... I’m... Why do you ask?” He counters, not liking the path his  thoughts have taken in response to the question. 

Shindong just shrugs. “You have a hickey on your neck,” he says, still with that unreadable expression on his face and Hyukjae’s eyes widen, clamping a trembling hand to the side of his neck he remembers Siwon sucking on for far longer than necessary the previous night. 

“Hyung... I...” he stammers, feeling as though all the blood in his body had rushed up to his face with just how much he was blushing. Of all the times he could forget to cover up... 

He is surprised when Shindong just starts laughing at him. 

“Hyung...” 

“I’m sorry, Hyukjae-ssi,” Shindong says, wiping tears from his eyes as he continues to laugh, surprises Hyukjae by clamping a hand on his shoulder, trying to gain control of his laughter. “It’s just... You looked too serious and...” 

“Hyung!” Hyukjae exclaims, not liking where the conversation is going. “You...” 

“Yeah, there is no hickey.” Shindong confirms still chortling, hand a comforting warmth on Hyukjae’s shoulder. “I was just messing with you, I’m sorry, but you really were asking for it.” A pause and suddenly Shindong is serious again. “Though thank you for confirming one thing for me.” 

And all the blood suddenly drains from Hyukjae’s face when Shindong looks him straight in the eyes and says. 

“Choi Siwon... it’s not just insurance that you’re selling him, isn’t it, Hyukjae-ssi?” 


	66. Tight Spaces

Jongwoon groans, muscles straining as he carries yet another dusty box into the storage. He and Donghae had spent almost the entire afternoon cleaning out the spare room in Jongwoon’s apartment and were now trying to organize the things they took out from there in the storage. 

This was after Jongjin had come to pick Haru up, all the while throwing curious glances between him and Donghae that made Jongwoon wonder if he really were being too obvious about his newly discovered feelings. Because it was one thing to acknowledge those feelings to himself and totally another to act on them and if he were being honest, he just wasn’t ready to do that. Everything just feels so new to Jongwoon that to actually confess his feelings to Donghae would take a huge amount of courage and confidence on Jongwoon’s part, courage and confidence he still lacks, would need time and thought and maybe just a bit of confirmation from Donghae himself before it would be enough for him to do something about his feelings. 

He places the box down together with similar ones they’d already moved and sighs. 

He is still not quite sure if him having these feelings for Donghae is a good thing or not but one thing that is certain is that it seems admitting that he liked, loved Donghae even in his head has made it infinitely harder to resist the urge to do such stupid things like reach out to tuck a stray strand of hair behind Donghae’s ear or pull Donghae close into a sudden hug or even... 

“Well, this is the last of it,” Jongwoon hears from behind him and he spins around, trying not to be overwhelmed by the sudden need to touch when he finds Donghae suddenly a bit too close in the almost full storage room. 

“Donghae-ssi, I didn’t hear you come in.” 

Donghae looks at him, confused. 

“Huh? I called you several times. Hyung, are you sure you’re feeling okay?” Donghae says, moving closer, and Jongwoon feels himself heating up when he somehow manages to feel Donghae’s body warmth through the thin fabric of his shirt even with the box between them, is suprised by the intensity of his need to touch the younger man at that very moment, looks down at the box Donghae is carrying instead to fend off any wayward thoughts, peeks at he cover. 

“Hyung, it’s...” 

“Miyuki’s wedding dress,” Jongwoon says, suddenly finding it hard to breathe. “I thought I’d lost it. I didn’t know...” 

“Well,” Donghae says with a smile. “Looks like you didn’t. I found it in the lowest drawer of the dresser. Seriously, hyung, when was the last time you cleaned out that room?” 

Jongwoon shrugs, suddenly lost in a memory. He and Miyuki were actually planning to transform that room into a studio — an art studio for Miyuki, a music studio for himself — but life and Miyuki’s illness got in the way and it became yet another dream Jongwoon had had to let go of. 

“I can’t remember,” Jongwoon lies, smiling weakly. “But thanks for finding Miyuki’s wedding dress. It’s one of the few things I kept of her.” 

Donghae looks at him with a strange expression then, looks like he wants to say something, smiles back instead. “Don’t thank me, Jongwoon-hyung. It was bound to be found eventually anyway. Just tell me where to... oww!” 

Donghae exclaims as his attempt to turn around in the cramped space makes him trip over something and lose his balance. His arms flail wildly as he tries to regain it, making him let go of the box he is holding, is surprised to suddenly find himself flush against a warm body, gentle but firm hands holding him by his arms. 

“Donghae-ah... what? Are you okay?” 

Donghae looks up to find himself almost nose-to-nose with Jongwoon, close enough that he could count the older man’s individual eyelashes, longer and prettier than he remembers noticing. He can feel Jongwoon’s breath upon his lips, the other’s strong heartbeat against his own, and his eyes... Donghae’s breath catches in his throat when he looks at Jongwoon’s eyes, only to find them trained downward and staring intensely towards... 

“Hyung,” he says softly, almost disbelievingly. Was this really happening? Was this the chance he’d been waiting for for what feels like a lifetime? 

Jongwoon doesn’t say anything, just keeps staring, so Donghae repeats. 

“Hyung,” he whispers carefully, afraid to break whatever spell seems to have been cast over the both them, even as he starts leaning forward until his lips are a hair’s breadth away from Jongwoon’s own. “Hyung, I...” 

Suddenly the doorbell rings and both of them jump at the sound. 

Donghae blinks and just like that, Jongwoon is letting go, muttering apologies and looking anywhere but at Donghae and Donghae couldn’t help the frustrated sigh that escapes his lips. He was so damned close. Trying his best to keep from cursing, he gives Jongwoon his most neautral, if a bit bitter, smile. 

“It’s okay, hyung. I should be the one apologizing for stumbling into you. Let me go see if that’s the food at the door. Why don’t you go clean up and take a shower first?” 

“Donghae-ah... I... Okay,” Jongwoon says and Donghae tries not to feel too offended when Jongwoon practically runs from the storage room without barely a glance back. 

— 

Donghae sighs, lying spread-eagled on the inflatable mattress they’d set up in the spare room. He’d used the time after setting things up in the kitchen to fix his things while he waits for his turn at the shower and is now staring blankly at the ceiling, wondering just what he’s done in his previous life to deserve this frustration. And it was frustration because Jongwoon  does want him, he is sure of it now — couldn’t be anything but sure with the way the older man had looked at him almost hungrily back there in the storage room, with the lingering touches, the way he’d said his name... 

_Donghae-ah._

The sound of Jongwoon’s voice in his head makes Donghae want nothing more than to march right then and there to Jongwoon’s bedroom and... 

Donghae sits up, takes deep calming breaths while slapping himself with both hands. No, it wouldn’t do to think of such things, at least not before he could lock himself in the privacy of the shower and do something about it. He looks at the time on his phone and stands up. Jongwoon should be done by now and even just the thought of Jongwoon in the shower makes Donghae find himself to be in a sudden, desperate need of one of his own, preferably a cold one. So he reaches for his towel and the change of clothes he’d set aside and stands up, trying to think about the most unpleasant, least sexy things as possible just in case he happens to run into Jongwoon in the hallway, does so even as he approaches the bathroom, is so concentrated on imagining Gold’s CEO in a tutu that he reaches for the bathroom’s doorknob automatically and turns it, finds it unlocked, is surprised by the sudden steam blocking his view. 

_Strange_ , Donghae thinks, mind trying to process what the presence of steam meant, only for his mouth to go dry when the steam clears a bit and it finally registers that the wondrous sight in front of him is that of Jongwoon’s wet and naked body that he is seeing in all its glory for the very first time. 


	67. A Matter of Time 🔥🔥🔥

On hindsight, Donghae thinks, it really was just a matter of time before it happened — one of them walking in on the other showering. He just expected it to be the other way around, had even planned several scenarios in his head on how it will happen, intentionally or unintentionally, with all of them somehow always ending with him pulling a slightly protesting and extremely flustered Jongwoon into the shower with him by his tie or his collar or whatever appendage Donghae could get his hands on. Never in his wildest dreams did he think this could happen, though, not with how careful Jongwoon usually is and he finds himself freezing in his steps, watches helplessly trying not to drool as Jongwoon runs his hands through his hair, eyes closed as he rinses off some shampoo, surprisingly well-defined arm muscles flexing a bit, the water falling all around him and down his body making the scene unbelievably sexy and Donghae wonders what good deed he could have done to deserve this reward of sorts.

Donghae watches, unblinking, as Jongwoon then reaches for a sponge, lathers it up with some soap before proceeding to run it down his body — down an impossibly long neck, a firm chest, well-toned abs that Donghae finds himself wanting to lick, down a flat stomach and lower and suddenly, Donghae remembers being held against that very same body barely an hour ago, remembers feeling the subtle strength underneath Jongwoon’s clothes, but never really expected the marvellous sight in front of him. He is so sure he makes a sound when Jongwoon then takes his member into a small hand and starts to wash himself, steady almost lazy strokes on an already impressive length that Donghae couldn’t help but wonder just how big could get when it really gets going.

_But you kind of already know, don’t you?_ His inner voice that sounds so much like Hyukjae reminds him teasingly and Donghae lets out a moan at the memory of that very first morning when he felt Jongwoon’s morning wood against him, of the excitement he’d actually felt for the first time in a while as he kissed his way down a sleeping Jongwoon’s body, of the feeling of anticipation as he took the zipper of Jongwoon’s pants between his teeth and pulled... The number of times Donghae had come from reliving that particular memory together with his dream of Jongwoon kissing him against the wall is actually quite embarrassing but now...

Donghae watches, mesmerized, as Jongwoon continues his motions — let it not be said that the older man wasn’t thorough with his hygiene — unconsciously lifts his right hand to his mouth, index finger tracing parted lips, eyes never leaving Jongwoon as his mouth hangs open, wishes for nothing more than to barge in, get on his knees right there in the shower and fill it with something a lot more substantial.

Jongwoon makes a sound and suddenly Donghae is made aware of his own length straining against his pants — aching and painful and a hairsbreadth away from coming untouched — but then a part of him feels horribly guilty at the realization of what he is actually doing.

Jongwoon makes another sound that Donghae couldn't think of being anything other than a moan and feels an orgasm coming, lets out a needy whine that he is so sure Jongwoon hears even through the sound of the shower. He apparently does and as Jongwoon begins to turn towards the door, Donghae panics and does the one thing he'd never thought he'd do in this siituation — he runs.


	68. First Things First 🔥🔥🔥

Donghae rushes into his new room, heart pounding hard in his chest, throws himself face-first onto his mattress, lets out a scream of frustration when he feels his still half-hard member being jostled by the action. It doesn’t help either that the smell of detergent on his bedcovers remind him of Jongwoon for some reason and he bites down on his fist to keep himself from letting out a particularly loud moan before being reminded that he was supposed to be mad at himself.

Of all things... Why did he run? So what if Jongwoon would have caught him? The older man would have to be extremely dense not to know that Donghae wanted him. So what if he were seen? Also, what ever happened to him anyway? Where did Daphne the confident seducer go when he was needed the most? What stopped him from doing something he’d done for countless, faceless, nameless people this one time it would actually matter, this one time he’d actually wanted to do it for someone he had feelings for? What exactly was he so scared of anyway? Certainly not rejection, if the way Jongwoon had looked at him in the cramped storage room was anything to go by.

Donghae sighs. He remembers that intense gaze, the feeling of Jongwoon’s body against his and Donghae’s cock twitches in interest, gives up thinking then, groans as he turns to lie on his back. How was he supposed to figure things out about himself anyway when he was this aroused?

Donghae pouts, resigning himself to the inevitable, closes his eyes and allows his mind and hands to wander, finds himself going back to that moment before he ran.

Donghae groans, one hand reaching underneath his shirt, pulling it up enough to tease his chest as he imagines Jongwoon reaching out a hand stop him, warm and strong and insistent, before pulling him back against a solid chest.

_ Where are you going, Donghae-ah?  _ Fantasy Jongwoon asks in a deceptively gentle voice.  I _thought you wanted to join me for a shower_ , even as he starts kissing down the side of Donghae’s neck, hands reaching up to trace the same path as Donghae’s actual hand, tweaking a stiff nipple before taking it between his fingers, rolling it between them.

“Nnngh...” Donghae moans, pinching and tweaking his nipple in turns to mimic Jongwoon’s actions in his mind, his other hand reaching into his pants to take himself in hand, even as fantasy Jongwoon does the same, pulling him even closer so that Donghae could feel the older man’s length against his back no longer as soft as he’d seen, lets out a needy whine as fantasy Jongwoon starts stroking him.

“Hyung... Jongwoon-hyung...” Donghae moans, own hands trying to match fantasy Jongwoons pace. It has been a while since he’d had the chance to get any sort of release after he’d lost his apartment that it seems he wouldn’t last that long so he allows his legs to spread on their own as his fantasy self pushes back against the hardness rubbing against his still clothed backside, stops for a while to pull his pants and underwear off, freeing his already weeping erection.

_Ah, I didn’t know you wanted me that much_ ,  he hears fantasy Jongwoon chuckle as his fantasy self is suddenly unclothed, followed by a playful nip at the side if his neck, continues to whisper against his ear.

_So pretty, my Donghae-ah._ Fantasy Jongwoon says. _Why don’t you show me just how much you want me, huh?_

Fantasy Jongwoon then takes his fantasy self’s own hand and leads it down Donghae body, past his cock and his balls and down to...

And at that point, Donghae knows that he really is reaching, that his manager-nim would never be so brazen or even know to ask for it, but damn it, this was his fantasy so he gives in, allows his actual hand to reach down as well, is not surprised to find himself twitching and aching and...  He slips one finger in, ignoring the slight burn, then another...

“Ah, Jongwoon-hyung... Nngh, please...” Donghae moans as he starts to stretch himself, a dds another finger as fantasy Jongwoon pushes his hand away, turns them around so that Donghae is facing the shower wall.

_What do you want, Donghae-ah?_ Fantasy Jongwoon asks and Donghae doesn’t hesitate.

“You, hyung, only you,” and Donghae could feel fantasy Jongwoon’s smirk as he guides Donghae’s fantasy self to bend over, entwines their fingers together on the shower wall, and, without warning, slides all the way in in a single thrust.


	69. Can’t Look Away 🔥🔥🔥

Jongwoon turns off the shower and reaches for a towel, shaking his head. He had taken a lot more time that he usually would, wonders if Donghae has gotten impatient waiting for him to finish.

Donghae...

That incident in the storage room gave Jongwoon quite a lot to think about, not the least of which are the what-if’s. What if the doorbell didn’t ring? What if Jongwoon had leaned down to close he remaining space between their lips? What if Jongwoon had told Donghae he loved him right then before leaning in to kiss him?

The feeling of Donghae’s body flushed against, of Donghae feeling so perfect in his arms as though he belonged there, had also given Jongwoon much to think about but during those times, he’d turned the shower to it’s coldest setting and tried to think about less pleasant things.

He pats his body dry before changing into the pajamas he brought, turns towards the door only to find it slightly open.

Strange. Jongwoon distinctly remembers closing it and locking it but he may be wrong, so absorbed as he was in his thoughts. A sigh. He just hopes that Donghae didn’t happen to check on him as he was taking too long. Jongwoon blushes when he remembers the host’s many attempts to make him agree that they shower together. So yeah, it would be safe to assume that Donghae didn’t check on him because knowing him, the host wouldn’t have been able to resist the opportunity to at least tease him.

Jongwoon sighs, continuing to towel at his hair as he walks out of the bathroom and into the corridor. He could smell the take out from the kitchen that Donghae had gotten for them and his stomach rumbles, feels a bit guilty for running out on him, figures the least he could do is drop by the spare room — Donghae’s bedroom now — and tell the younger man that the shower is free.

He stops before the door to Donghae’s bedroom and lets out a deep sigh. No matter how the incident in the storage room had affected him, that’s all on him and he should not begin ignoring Donghae again. Steeling himself, he reaches for the doorknob and opens it.

“Dongh—“

Only to freeze in his tracks at the sight that greets him. 

“Hyung, ah yes. Right there. So big. Ah, hyung!” Donghae moans as he lies on his mattress, eyes closed in ecstasy, shirt pushed up to reveal stiff pink nipples and a heaving chest, bare legs spread wantonly as his hands work frantically on his cock and between his ass in the most erotic sight Jongwoon has ever seen and Jongwoon finds that he can’t make himself look away, a part of him becoming irrationally jealous of whoever this ‘hyung’ was that was making Donghae feel...

“Aaaahhh, Jongwoon-hyung. Ahhh, yes.Fuck me. Nnnnnggggh...”

Jongwoon’s eyes widen at the sound of his name. Could it be? Was Donghae really...

“Ah, hyung. So close... I...”

And Jongwoon watches, mesmerized, mouth suddenly dry as Donghae spreads his legs even wider, unwittingly giving him a clearer view of graceful fingers slipping in and out of himself in time with his strokes on a cock that Jongwoon finds himself describing as “pretty” in his mind.

“Jongwoon-hyung,” Donghae whispers, opens his eyes to meet Jongwoon’s shocked ones from accross the room, hands never stopping their movements. “Jongwoon-hyung, I— hnngh...”

And just like that, Donghae is coming —a hand on his cock, fingers in his ass, and Jongwoon’s name on his lips, eyes staring straight into Jongwoon’s soul and it becomes too much for Jongwoon.

He runs, doesn’t dare look back when Donghae calls out to him, runs right to his bedroom and, without giving himself a chance to change his mind, reaches into his pants and takes his already straining cock into his hand, tries not to think too much of the cold metal of his wedding ring as he strokes himself to the vision of Donghae fucking himself on the bed they prepared together while calling, moaning Jongwoon’s name like there was no tomorrow.

“Hyung... Jongwoon-hyung... ahh...”

And Jongwoon wonders, a bit uncharacteristically, what Donghae would sound like it it weren’t just fingers inside him, what he would look or feel or taste like with Jongwoon’s cock pounding into him as he seemed to want it, forgets all his misgivings about not knowing what to do with Donghae and remembers the look on the younger man’s face when he came — sinful and beautiful and exquisite and everything he never knew he wanted.

“Jongwoon-hyung, I— hnngh...”

Jongwoon tightens his fist around himself, tries to remember wanting eyes and flushed cheeks and pink lips opened in a choked moan, strokes himself one more time.

“Donghae-ah,” he groans and right then and there comes onto the palm of his hand.


	70. I Like You, Kim Jongwoon

Dinner that night is the most awkward thing ever. Donghae almost wishes he had given in to the impulse of digging himself into a hole and never coming back out, wishes he could scream into the pasta he’s eating. Urgh, Hyukjae was right. He really is stupid because if he were being honest, Donghae had known Jongwoon was there from the start, had heard him open the door and call his name, knew Jongwoon was watching him fuck himself on his borrowed mattress to the fantasy of the older man fucking him and instead of making Donghae want to stop, it had in fact turned him on even more. So he had put on a show, had been a little bit more vocal about what he wanted Jongwoon to do to him, what he was imagining Jongwoon was doing to him at that moment, screamed a little bit louder and increased his pace, spread his legs a little bit wider and moaned Jongwoon’s name, hoping that seeing how much Donghae wanted him would be enough to break through whatever it is that is holding Jongwoon back. But it wasn’t and even as Donghae met Jongwoon’s wanting eyes from across the room, even before the older man had panicked and run away, Donghae knew he’d somehow made a mistake he doesn’t even know how to apologize for. Because how does even one apologize for doing what he did?

I’m sorry for fucking myself to the fantasy of you taking me hard and fast against the shower wall but it’s your fucking fault for not locking the door?

I’m sorry hyung for wanting you so bad, the sight of your naked body got me going like the ho that I am?

Donghae snorts. Right. He doubts either of that would go over well, wishes Haru didn’t have to go to her grandparents’ house today because for sure Donghae wouldn’t have done something like that with a child in the house.

He takes a peek at Jongwoon who was glaring at his chicken, moving the food on his plate around but barely eating. The other had refused to look at Donghae all throughout dinner, had blushed an alarming shade of red the few times their eyes met accidentally during their many failedattempts at a normal conversation. He looked guilty for some reason too and that puzzled Donghae. If there’s anyone who should feel guilty, shouldn’t it be Donghae? So why did Jongwoon look like he’d done something he was terrified of letting Donghae know?

Donghae sighs. It really was getting ridiculous and a part of him wants to just throw all caution to the wind, perch himself on Jongwoon’s lap and just kiss him and then some and if it were just physical attraction, Donghae realizes he probably would have done just that ages ago, would have done it just to get it out of his system, but things weren’t just that simple with the L-word involved and Donghae wonders if anything involving Jongwoon would ever be simple. But then they had to start somewhere and Donghae figures that it might as well start with him so he takes a deep breath, raises his eyes and...

“I’m sorry,” and Donghae frowns when instead of his voice, Jongwoon’s soft baritone rings through the stillness of the apartment.

“Eh?” Donghae asks, confused.

“I’m sorry,” Jongwoon repeats, bowing deeply, head almost touching the surface of the table. “I’m sorry, Donghae-ssi. I shouldn’t have barged in on you like that. It was a p-private moment and I shouldn’t have just come in like that and I... I’m so, so sorry.. Please forgive me, Donghae-ssi.”

Donghae blinks, surprised at being apologized to. Was Jongwoon for real?

“I mean,” the older man continues, sounding even more flustered with every word. “I know it’s n-normal and w-what you do on your own time is your business but I... Uhm... The door was unlocked and I just wanted to tell you that that shower was available and I’m just so, so sorry. I’m so sorry for invading your privacy and I’m sorry for...”

“Jongwoon-hyung,” Donghae says, taking pity on the older man who seemed to be on the verge of hyperventilating yet again. “I’m not mad.”

If there was anyone who should be, it was actually Jongwoon after Donghae barged in on him showering but then the latter didn’t know that, did he?

“Oh?” Jongwoon looks up in surprise then, before averting his gaze and blushing. “But I...”

“You know I like you, right?” Donghae says impulsively and suddenly, it’s like the world stops turning when Jongwoon looks up at him with a deer-in-headlights expression.

“W-what?”

Donghae swallows. He really wasn’t planning on confessing but things between them were really getting ridiculous.

“I like you, Jongwoon-hyung,” Donghae repeats with more conviction, staring straight into Jongwoon’s eyes. “If it weren’t obvious before, I’d think watching me come from the thought of you fucking me should make it perfectly clear. I want you, Jongwoon-hyung. You’re funny and weird and have the strangest taste in ties and could be so damn frustrating at times but you’re honest and kind and sweet and such a loving Dad to Haru.” A smile. “And the way you looked at me even when we first officially met at Gold... I’ve always felt like you’ve always looked at me as me, Donghae and not Daphne and you just don’t know how much that means to me after all this time. And then you bought me my first Happy Meal and took me in and entrusted me with looking after your most precious person like it didn’t matter that I... that I’m...” A sigh. “And I know it may seem meaningless coming from someone like me but what I’m saying is, I lo— I like you, Kim Jongwoon.. I really, truly do like you.” A pleading look. “And I’m not telling you this for you to say it back but please...”

Suddenly, Jongwoon stands up, making Donghae trail off, looking at him questioningly.

“Jongwoon-hyung?”

“I’m sorry,” Jongwoon says, clenching his fists, still not looking at Donghae. “I’m sorry, Donghae-ssi. That is... This feels so sudden and I... Please don’t misunderstand but I just need time to process all this. I’m sorry.”

And with that, he walks away once again, leaving his barely eaten dinner and a stricken Donghae for whom it almost feels like his first ever heartbreak all over again.


	71. Never Gonna Let You Go 🔥🔥

“Nnnggghh... Fuck... Ariadne...”

Siwon grunts as he thrusts into Hyukjae from behind for who knew how many times that night, hands gripping Hyukjae’s hips hard enough to bruise. Hyukjae just lets him, slumps limply cheek against the mattress after his third? fourth? orgasm, trembling knees barely managing to hold him up as Siwon continues to pound into his overly sensitive hole, moans as Siwon hits that certain spot inside of him again and again and tries to lose himself in the mind-blowing pleasure.

Siwon wasn’t lying when he said they were compatible, that they knew what the other wanted and could give it — whether pain or pressure or something in between. Hyukjae’s ass cheeks still smart from the spanking Siwon had given him but when Siwon had leaned down to kiss them right after in what seemed like an apology, a day or so’s stubble scratching pleasantly against the enflamed skin... 

“Ariadne... fuck...”

Hyukjae unconsciously tightens himself around Siwon at the memory and Siwon finally comes, emptying himself into the condom Hyukjae had slid onto him with his mouth earlier that night. He then slumps onto Hyukjae, breathing heavily, and Hyukjae finally allows his knees to give in, lies unmoving under Siwon as the thoughts he’d been trying to suppress start coming back with a vengeance.

It has been barely a day since Shindong had confronted him about his and Siwon’s relationship and Hyukjae still hasn’t recovered from the scare — he knew, oh my god, he knew — and the strangeness of what happened after.

It’s not like that, Hyukjae remembers wanting to say at that moment, wishing he could laugh it off and deny it, found that he couldn’t, could only bow his head guiltily until Shindong had sighed, breaking the silence.

“Right, so that’s how it is, huh?” Shindong had said in a weird voice and then... “I hope he makes you happy then, Hyukjae-ssi.”

And Hyukjae had whipped his eyes back up then just in time to catch the strange, almost sad look in Shindong’s eyes before the other was standing up and dusting himself off.

“Well, I guess that’s it, then. Thank you for today, Hyukjae-ssi.” A weak smile. “I’d tell you to enjoy the rest of your week but it seems that I don’t need to.” And it was at this point that Shindong would usually extend a hand to Hyukjae to help him up, that one simple touch that had given Hyukjae comfort and had kept him sane through tough times. He didn’t, just gave Hyukjae another strange smile before saying, “Well, see you next week, Hyukjae-ssi.” A pause. “Take care.”

And then he was walking away, leaving Hyukjae with a consuming feeling of loss and feeling as though he were missing something.

“They know,” Siwon says suddenly against Hyukjae’s ear and Hyukjae jumps, surprised.

“What?” he asks.

“My campaign team...” Siwon says, sounding a bit frustrated. “They found out we’re... Shindong-hyung was doing a test background check and found out about us.”

Campaign team? Hyukjae wants to ask but couldn’t, heart racing at the sound of Shindong’s name.

A sigh before Siwon continues, “They think you’re a bad idea, that being with you is that one thing that could lose me the election but...”

He hears Siwon sigh yet again, breath fanning against the side of his neck, feels the other shift against him and tighten his arms around him. 

“You know I’m never gonna let you go, right, Ariadne?” Siwon says and Hyukjae suddenly feels like he can’t breathe.


	72. What Jongwoon Deserves

“Fuck,” Jongwoon curses as hot water overflows from the cup he is holding and spills onto his hand for what feels like the hundredth time that day. He had been trying to make Heechul’s tea for the past ten minutes but would find himself spacing out every now and then, is surprised he actually hadn’t run over anyone on his way to work with just how out of it he was.

Because things seemed to be happening so fast and he had somehow gone from admitting to himself that he had feelings for Donghae to doing... that... in just a couple of hours. Jongwoon blushes, groans at the vivid images that suddenly fill his mind and he has to slap himself to remind himself of where he is.

Damn it. Damn it all.

And then of course Donghae just had to pick that time to confess so naturally Jongwoon had panicked, guilt at having jerked off to the younger man just minutes ago — feeling as though he had somehow violated Donghae by doing that, never mind if the host had been apparently doing the same with him — mixing with fear and his own lack of confidence making him walk away from the confession in what he is beginning to realize may just be the worst mistake of his life.

He hadn’t seen Donghae since then. The younger man wasn’t in the kitchen waiting to have breakfast with him when he woke upand he didn’t have the courage to knock on the door of the spare bedroom and apologize so instead he’d made Donghae breakfast telling him that he’d had gone on ahead to work and to please remember to pick Haru up from school at 2:00 PM. On hindsight, that was a pretty shitty move as well.

“Stupid,” he scolds himself. “Stupid Jongwoon.”

If only he’d manned up and said it back, could have at least said he liked Donghae too, never mind if his feelings had actually gone beyond mere like even before he acknowledged them. Because this thing with Donghae had indeed gone beyond that and Jongwoon had never really wanted, needed any person this intensely, at least not after Miyuki. Now if only...

“You forgot the tea bag,” someone says and Jongwoon jumps, turns around to find Heechul peering over his shoulder. The celebrity was still in his show clothes so they probably were just on break from filming.

“Hyung-nim?” Jongwoon asks and Heechul sighs.

“My tea,” he says by way of explanation. “It was taking too long.” A frown. “Seriously, Jongwoon-ah. Are you okay? You’ve been all over the place today and just when I thought you’d be done with all those rookie mistakes. What’s wrong?”

Jongwoon lowers his gaze, bows slightly. “I’m sorry, hyung-nim. I’m...”

“Is it Daphne?” Heechul asks and Jongwoon whips his head back up.

“Hyung-nim, how—“

Heechul snorts, takes a tea bag from an open box and putting it into the cup of hot water Jongwoon had been stirring. “Ah, my poor, naive manager-nim. When it comes to you, it could only be either Haru or Daphne and based on what we’d talked about the last time...” A smirk and then Heechul is slinging an arm around Jongwoon, whispering conspiratorily. “So, what is it, Jongwoon-ah? Did our beautiful, sweet Daphne finally manage to get you to fuck him over the weekend?”

“H-hyung-nim!” Jongwoon stammers, blushing from head to foot. “Th-that... I...”

Heechul blinks at Jongwoon’s reaction. “What? Don’t tell me... My, my, manager-nim. Who knew...”

“He told me he likes me,” Jongwoon says in a panic, trying to dispel any misunderstanding, slaps a hand over his mouth when he realizes what he said.

Heechul blinks, confused. “Okay. Didn’t think he’d confess this soon but good for him, I guess.” A curious glance. “So what’s the problem. Don’t you like him too?”

Jongwoon swallows.

“I do,” he says. “Y-yes, I do lo-like him, hyung-nim.”

And Jongwoon heaves a sigh of relief when the world doesn’t explode the moment he says it out loud.

“I like Donghae,” he continues. “But the thing is, I’m scared. Everything is just so new to me and what if he...”

“But don’t you think he’s scared too?” Heechul says forcefully, stopping Jongwoon in his ramblings. “What if this... thing... between the two of you is something new to him as well? Didn’t you think of how much it took for him to confess, that maybe he’s been hurt before but he took a risk on you because he thinks you’re worth it, that you’re a better person than the one who hurt him?”

“Hyung-nim...”

A glare. “I thought I already told you to be careful with him and now you tell me you ran away from a heartfelt confession. I really should smack you, you know?” A pause. “On second thought...”

And Jongwoon yelps as Heechul hits him hard over the head.

“Stupid Jongwoon-ah,” the celebrity says. “Stupid. You just don’t know how lucky you are to have your feelings returned.” A sigh. “Anyway, here.”

Jongwoon blinks as an envelope is thrust in front of his eyes.

“Hyung-nim? What—“

“Movie passes,” Heechul says. “I got them from a sponsor. Walking away from a confession should be right up there in the list of douchebag moves so you better start sucking up if you want to be forgiven...” A waggle of brows. “Or  sucking , if you know what I mean.I guess that would work too.”

“H-hyung-nim!”

Heechul waves him off. “Aish, Jongwoon-ah. Relax. All I’m trying to say is that I’m giving you the afternoon off to maybe take your precious Daphne out on a movie date and work out whatever tension you have between the two of you since you’re practically useless to me like this anyway.”

Jongwoon blinks. “You are?”

Heechul snorts. “Yeah. Now scram before I either change my mind or get the urge to punch you and believe me, neither of us wants that.”

Jongwoon’s eyes widen. “Yes, hyung-nim. I’ll be going now, hyung-nim. Thank you, hyung-nim,” Jongwoon says before bowing to Heechul and taking his leave. He is almost out the door when Heechul calls out to him.

“And remember, Jongwoon-ah, if sucking up doesn’t work. Maybe sucking will.”

And Jongwoon closes the door to the sound of Heechul cackling to himself, tries not to think about the wheres and hows of said sucking.

(He fails.)


	73. Surprise

Donghae sighs, absently stirring his iced americano with a straw as he watches Haru draw happily in front of him. He had received message from Jongwoon a couple of minutes ago asking to meet up at a cafe near Haru’s school. Donghae had half the mind to ignore him, still more than a little bit hurt about Jongwoon walking away from his confession, but then he remembers the note Jongwoon had left him and the breakfast of bacon and eggs and avocado with sweetened milk that he found waiting for him on the kitchen counter that morning when he’d managed to stop crying long enough and muster the willpower to haul his ass out of bed, puffy eyes and all.

He’d eaten the bacon and the eggs before tossing the avocado into his trusty blender to make a smoothie out of it instead, trying not to feel touched that Jongwoon somehow managed to remember one of his favorite fruits.

“I love avocados,” Donghae had told Jongwoon randomly over dinner one night. They’d been playing some sort of getting-to-know-you game after Jongwoon commented that there was only a handful of things he actually knew about Donghae. “Hyukkie hates them and picks them out of everything though. How about you, hyung?”

“I love them too!” Jongwoon exclaims excitedly before blushing. “Avocados, I mean. My Mom used to make this sweet dessert using them but I pretty much eat anything with them.”

Donghae had fallen asleep that night happy and content that things seemed to be looking up for them possible relationship-wise but now...

Donghae sighs yet again, biting at his straw before blowing at his fringe that he’d allowed to droop over his eyes, too lazy to put his hair into any semblance of order today. He’d dressed simply too, hadn’t felt like putting any effort into dressing himself, ended up just throwing on a hoodie and a pair of not-too-tight jeans he’d deemed decent enough not to scandalize the other parents at Haru’s school. It wasn’t like he was dressing up for anyone and, Donghae thinks bitterly, Jongwoon had already seen him naked and still ran away. He doubts any sort of clothing would change the older man’s mind.

“Hae-oppa-nim,” Haru calls his name and Donghae jumps, blinks questioningly as Haru beams up at him. Seeing Haru after what had been an extremely stressfulweekend had been the only bright spot in Donghae’s day so far and Donghae tries not to falter as he meets almond-shaped eyes that remind Donghae so much of her father.

“Yes, Haru-chan?” Donghae asks, blinks yet again when Haru smiles even wider and says, “Close your eyes, Hae-oppa-nim. I have a surprise for you.”

“Oh?” Donghae says. “A surprise? Haru-chan, that’s so sweet.” A teasing smile. “Is the surprise that something you’ve been drawing instead of finishing your mac and cheese like you’re supposed to?”

“Hae-oppa-nim!” Haru exclaims, pouting. “Please. I really want to give you your present. Just close your eyes and open them at the count of three.”

Donghae laughs. Haru-chan really is too cute and seems to have a knack at cheering Donghae up when he is down, most of the time ironically because of her father.

“Fine,” he finally says, closing his eyes. “Anything to get a present from Haru-chan.”

“Yay,” Haru says. “No peeking! On the count of three — one, two, three. You can open your eyes now, Hae-oppa-nim.”

Donghae does as he is told and smiles. “Oh wow! What a pretty picture, Haru-chan! It’s—“ And he trails off when he realizes what he’s looking at.

It was a simple drawing, if a bit detailed enough to see that Haru had a natural talent for art — a tree and a bench in what appeared to be a park and standing beside it...

“That’s me,” Haru says, pointing out the figures she had drawn. “And Appa and Kaachan — she’s an angel because Appa says so — and Uncle Jongjin and Auntie Seo and baby Jennie and...”

“Me?” Donghae chokes out and Haru nods, tries not to cry when he reads the word printed underneath in a child’s handwriting.

“Family,” it said in neat, bold letters and Donghae’s emotions become too much and suddenly he finds himself crying yet again.

“Hae-oppa-nim?” Haru peers up at him, a frown on her face. “Hae-oppa-nim, why are you crying? Is Haru-chan’s drawing that awful?”

She looks like she is about to cry too so Donghae wipes away his tears the best that he can and lets a genuine smile spread across his face.

“No. No, Haru-chan. I... It’s actually the most beautiful picture I’ve ever seen and...”

“Aww, how sweet,” a female voice says and Donghae and Haru look up to find a beautiful woman smiling at them from the next table. “I’m sorry. I just couldn’t help but overhear and she’s such a sweet and lovely child.” A pause. “Is she yours?”

Donghae blinks before blushing.

“Uhm, no… Actually, she’s…”

“Hae-oppa-nim is appa-nim’s good friend, pretty unnie-nim,” Haru pipes up, surprising the adults. “He’s staying with us until he finds a new home.”

The woman blinks, long eyelashes and wide eyes Donghae think she could pass as a celebrity, looks between Donghae and Haru.

“Oh, is he? I could’ve sworn...” A smile. “Anyway, you’re really lucky to have her then, Hae-oppa-nim-ssi. If only me and...”

“Chagiya!” Someone calls and Donghae freezes at the familiar voice, eyes widening, wondering if he was hearing things.

“Chagiya!” he hears again and Donghae starts trembling. No. It can’t be.

“Yun! Over here!” the beautiful woman calls back and Donghae lifts his eyes, almost goes into a panic attack when he sees a tall man approach, leans down to place a peck on the woman’s cheek.

The woman smiles before turning back to Donghae and Haru and saying, “I’m sorry. What was I saying? Anyway, I’d like you to meet my husband, Yunho.”

And Donghae feels his world crumbling when he looks up into equally shocked brown eyes he never thought he’d ever see again.


	74. Turnabout

If anyone asks Donghae about falling in love, he’d always tell them about his first love Yoona, a shy girl he’d dated back in middle school but had to break up with when her parents took her overseas. He’d tell them of how she was pretty and sweet and oh so kind, of how he’d used to walk her home after class while passing each other notes in between, of after-school dates and study sessions and falling asleep on the phone because both of them were too stubborn about saying goodnight first, of happier, simpler times when Donghae would, could still dream of a wedding and children and starting his own family.

He never talks about the second time he fell in love though.

“Yunho-ssi,” Donghae whispers the once-familiar name, hands still shaking, so much that he startles when Haru takes one of his hands in her tiny one as she tries to hide from the tall stranger. “You’re...”

“Oh,” the woman says, thankfully misunderstanding. “I’m sorry. I forgot to introduce myself. My name is Boa. Jung Boa. I’m...”

“Haru-chan! Donghae-ah!” Someone calls and Donghae turns around to find Jongwoon running towards them.

“Appa!” Haru exclaims, running to meet him. Jongwoon laughs and picks her up before walking the rest of the way to stand beside Donghae, looking curiously at the newcomers. They both stare at him — the woman knowingly while the man... Jongwoon frowns, not knowing what to make of the strange expression on the other’s face.

He looks beside him, eyes narrowing at the stricken expression on Donghae’s face.

“Donghae-ah?” He calls the younger man’s name again, concern making him forget the awkwardness that should still have existed between them. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

Donghae blinks, looks at Jongwoon with a confused, almost lost expression on his face and it is all Jongwoon could do not to take the host into his arms and comfort him in whatever way he could. He stops himself though, something telling him that it may be too early — they haven’t even properly talked about Donghae’s confession yet, a part of Jongwoon still in denial about his feelings for Donghae being requited — settles for reaching down instead to carefully, hesitantly take Donghae’s hand in his, tightens his grip when he notices the shaking.

“Donghae-ah,” he repeats. “You’re...”

“Oh!” Boa exclaims suddenly, cutting Jongwoon off. “So you’re Haru-chan’s father? We’re so sorry for disturbing you and your...”

“Chagiya,” the man, Yunho says, placing a hand on her shoulder. “I’m sorry but we really have to go. Eomonim...”

Boa’s smile tightens a bit before she recovers.

”Of course,” she says bitterly before turning to Donghae to smile conspiratorily. “Well, it’s been nice talking to you, Donghae-ssi. Let your boyfriend know what I told you about Haru-chan, okay?”

And with a final wink, she begins to walk out of the cafe, Yunho trailing after her. He stops though to throw a final curious glance at Jongwoon and Donghae and their joined hands before following his wife and walking out.

Jongwoon watches them go, doesn’t realize he still is holding onto Donghae’s hand until Haru pipes up and claps excitedly, “Ooooh! Appa! Finally! You’re holding Hae-oppa-nim’s hand! Now he won’t be so sad anymore!”

Jongwoon yelps then, releases Donghae’s hand as though it burned him, is ready to launch into a long list of ready excuses except that Donghae doesn’t say anything, just keeps on looking at the hand Jongwoon had been holding but doesn’t react otherwise. The behavior is so strange that Jongwoon finds himself lifting a hand to check Donghae’s temperature.

Donghae does look up at him then, seems to snap out of whatever trance he is in at the feeling of the back of Jongwoon’s hand against his forehead.

“Hyung?” Donghae asks, soundingdisoriented. “When did you get here? Why are we...”

Jongwoon frowns but decide not to push it, shrugs. “I just arrived actually, just in time to meet your new friends.” A pause. “I’m sorry. Did I keep you waiting?” And Jongwoon wants to kick himself when he realizes just how loaded the question he asked is.

Donghae doesn’t seem to notice though, just shrugs. “Oh, it’s okay. I didn’t have anything to do. What did you want me for anyway?”

Jongwoon blushes then, curses his mind for the images Donghae’s choice of words brings up, shakes his head.

“I... Sorry. I just wanted to... uhm, here.” Jongwoon stammers, thrusting a couple of tickets in front of Donghae. “Heechul-hyung gave me free passes. Why don’t we go see a movie?”

Donghae blinks at the tickets in front of him before shrugging yet again.

“Sure,” he says. “Okay,” starts to walk out of the cafe as though on autopilot, leaving Jongwoon and Haru to look after him with matching worried expressions on their faces.

—

They walk quietly into Jongwoon’s apartment, movements careful, Jongwoon carrying a sleeping Haru in his arms. They’d gone to watch Detective Pikachu, the theater they’d gone to being one of the few remaining theaters showing the movie a couple of weeks after its premiere, before going to get some Happy Meals for dinner. Haru seemed to be having the time of her life, couldn’t stop gushing about the movie all throughout dinner until she’d tired herself out and ended up falling asleep in the backseat of the van. Donghae, on the other hand, had remained silent, not saying anything even when his and Jongwoon’s fingers would brush accidentally or not-so-accidentally during the movie when they had reached into the bucket of popcorn Haru had been holding between them at the same time, responding halfheartedly to Haru’s attempts at drawing him into a conversation about talking Pokemon, a faraway look always in the younger man’s eyes and Donghae had never felt so far beyond Jongwoon’s reach than at those moments.

Jongwoon bows before Miyuki’s picture out of habit, watches Donghae walk towards the kitchen to store their leftovers before going to tuck Haru into bed. He comes back out just in time to see Donghae walk past Haru’s bed room. Donghae doesn’t say anything, doesn’t even look at him, and suddenly Jongwoon feels something akin to panic take a hold of him.

“Donghae-ah,” he calls the other, reaches out to catch Donghae’s arm. “Donghae-ah, wait. I’m...”

Donghae stops when he feels a hand on his elbow, looks up at Jongwoon to reveal sad eyes filled with something like regret in them, a forced smile on his lips, and Jongwoon feels his heart begin to stutter before pounding hard against his chest.

“Donghae-ah...” He tries, swallows against the sudden dryness in his throat. “Donghae-ah, please listen. Your feelings... I think I...”

But then Donghae is shaking his head, forced smile still on his face, before he is pulling away and saying, “I’m sorry, hyung, but I’m not feeling so great right now. Let’s talk later, okay?”

And then, for the first time since they  met, Jongwoon finds himself watching helplessly as Donghae walks away from him, suddenly feels incredibly sorry for all the times he’d done the same to Donghae as Donghae steps into the spare bedroom and closes the door behind him.

It hurts.


	75. Never Forget

Donghae stares blankly up at what was slowly becoming a familiar ceiling, still shaken by the events of the day.

Yunho.

Donghae groans.

Of all the people he could have run into, it just had to be Yunho’s wife. Not that he had anything against her — Boa really, genuinely seemed to be a good person. It’s just that meeting her brought Yunho back into Donghae’s life together with all the feelings of hurt and betrayal Donghae had thought he’d gotten rid of ages ago. But then hearing Yunho’s voice, seeing him in person reminded Donghae of the time he and Yunho had spent together, as client and host and, later on, something more and really it was too easy just to allow himself to give into his memories.

Donghae snorts. Something more, huh? Well, apparently that was all in Donghae’s head because even after early morning conversations and candlelit dinners and lazy nights spent in Donghae’s apartment, days and weeks and months of meeting each other in private and breaking so many of Gold’s rules in the process, Yunho somehow found it a bit too easy to just leave and disappear from Donghae’s life without any warning and Donghae closes his eyes as he remembers the pain, the heartbreak, crying against Hyukjae’s shoulder at 3:00 in the morning, a half-finished tub if ice cream between them. Because against all logic and admonitions and the warning bells ringing in his head, Donghae had fallen in love with a client, had given a bit too much of himself to someone who shouldn’t have meant anything that being cast away just like that had felt like the end of the world for him. That was of the lowest points in his life, Donghae thinks, and for the days that followed, Donghae had spent all his time in bed neither sleeping nor eating nor bathing, just staring up at the ceiling of his old apartment, until Hyukjae broke down his door on Gold’s management’s orders to drag him back to work.

After all these years, it still hurt and if Donghae were being honest, that was a huge part of the reason he had been in denial about his feelings for Jongwoon initially. After all, he’d mistaken love for kindness before but then Jongwoon just kept giving and giving without asking for anything in return and Donghae had let his guard down.

Donghae sighs as he remembers the feeling of Jongwoon’s hand holding his, of fingers tentatively brushing against his own, and wishes he hadn’t been so out of it when it happened. Because it was the first time Jongwoon has reached out for him on his own, without chance or circumstance forcing the older man to, and a part of Donghae tells him that that has to mean something. But the other part, the one that was still hurting from the last time he fell in love, tells him that it’s stupid to put so much meaning into mere handholding when Yunho had held him and kissed him and promised to stay with him forever yet still ended up leaving him in the end.

He turns on his side, feels something in his pocket and takes out a piece of paper. He unfolds it and suddenly he is sobbing as Donghae sees the drawing Haru had given him early.

Family, she had written, and apparently to Jongwoon’s daughter, Donghae had already become part of it. But then how could that be when, just like Yunho, Jongwoon could suddenly change his mind any minute and cast him out of his and Haru’s life? What would happen to Donghae then?

Donghae curls his hands into fists, sobs growing louder as past heartache meets that of the present and he has to bite down on the sleeve of his hoodie just to keep himself from wailing.

He hears footsteps outside his door and holds his breath, trying hard not to make any sound as the person outside stops in front of it. Of course, it had to be Jongwoon and Donghae wishes he had the strength to call out to him... because Jongwoon was a good person and even if he didn’t feel the same way, he wouldn’t walk away from Dongae when he was like this, would still be willing to offer whatever measure of comfort he could. Donghae doesn’t know which is worse. A heartbeat before Jongwoon sighs, starts walking away as he apparently gives up and finally Donghae could breathe again, curls up on himself even more and closes his eyes, praying to whoever may be listening for sleep to claim him.

Tomorrow, he promises. Tomorrow, he’ll forget, but tonight he’ll hold on to the pain and anguish he is feeling, hoping that it would teach him not to make the same mistake again.


	76. Pot, Kettle

Jongwoon yawns as he takes a seat in a restaurant waiting for the food he had ordered for Heechul, trying to blend into the upholstery. It was one of those trendy restaurants that people had to line up for to even enter and didn’t allow takeout but just the mention of Heechul’s name and that he’d been sent on a food run earned him an instant trip to the beginning of the line and an exception to the no-takeout policy.

Jongwoon looks around discretely, tries to distract himself from looking at his phone lest he be tempted to call Donghae once again while trying to ignore the pain in his back. 

Jongwoon had fallen asleep in front of Donghae’s door after he’d heard what sounded suspiciously like sobbing from within, had wanted nothing more than to open the door and ask Donghae what was wrong. But then he remembered the sad smile Donghae had given him before telling him that they should talk later and decides to hold his ground and respect Donghae’s wishes. He couldn’t bring himself to walk away though so he’d ended up sitting on the floor across the door to Donghae’s bedroom, waiting for it to open. Sadly, it had remained closed until Jongwoon had to force himself to get up and prepare breakfast, which, luckily, the younger man had shown up for, dark circles around puffy eyes, and Jongwoon had given in, reached over the table to cover one of Donghae’s hands with his own.

“Donghae-ssi,” he’d said, reverting to the less familiar form of address. “Are you okay? What’s wrong?”

Donghae had startled then, looked up, before giving Jongwoon the same sad smile he’d given him the night before.

“It’s nothing, hyung,” Donghae had said weakly. “Just feeling a bit under the weather.”

It was so obviously a lie that Jongwoon almost called him out for it if only Haru hadn’t chosen that time to wander into the kitchen.

“Appa, Hae-oppa-nim, good morning,” Haru greeted them sleepily, going to hug each of them, and Jongwoon regretfully had to let go of Donghae’s hand and the issue altogether.

Jongwoon sighs yet again, gives up and reaches for his phone, is disappointed to find no messages from Donghae, raises his phone to take a photo of the restaurant’s pretty interior just so he could use it as an excuse to check up on Donghae when he blinks at what he sees.

Hyukjae. There was no mistaking it, that was Donghae’s best friend right there, dressed rather chicly in an all-black ensemble and with him... Jongwoon frowns. Wasn’t that Choi Siwon, Assemblyman Choi’s son? And as if it weren’t strange enough to see the host in a restaurant with a politician-in-the-making, said politician reaches out to place a hand on the host’s own resting on the table. Jongwoon’s eyes widen. Could it be?

He then watches as Siwon stands up, walks over to Hyukjae’s side, leans down to whisper something in Hyukjae’s ear, places a kiss on Hyukjae’s cheek before smiling and walking towards the exit.

Jongwoon frowns. Strange. Weren’t Hyukjae and Heechul’s friend, Donghee, supposed to be a thing? At least that was the impression he got from the last time they’d talked and from what Donghae had told him. He looks back at the table to find it empty, jumps when he hears someone address him.

“Hello, Jongwoon-manager-hyung,” Hyukjae says as he slips into the seat in front of Jongwoon. “Done snooping already?”

Jongwoon blushes and coughs at getting caught.

“I don’t know what you mean, Hyukjae-ssi,” he says, trying to deny it. “I’m just here to get Heechul-hyungnim’s food.”

“Right,” Hyukjae says, helping himself to a glass of water. “So, how’s Donghae?”

Jongwoon blinks at the sudden change of topic, wonders just how much Donghae had told the other. They were best friends after all and Jongwoon blushes at the thought of someone else knowing about what had happened over the weekend, reaches for his own water.

“Still haven’t banged him, I see,” Hyukjae says, misinterpreting, and Jongwoon chokes on his water.

“What?”

“But based on your reaction, something did happen,” Hyukjae continues. “Though it’s strange that I haven’t heard anything from Hae about it.”

Jongwoon blinks. 

“He hasn’t told you?” he asks and Hyukjae’s smile widens.

“Aha! So there is something to tell!”

“I—“

“Did he confess to you or something?” Hyukjae asks and suddenly Jongwoon is reminded that this was Donghae’s best friend he was talking to. He nods.

“Yes.”

“And did you tell him you like him too?”

Jongwoon averts his eyes. “Not exactly.”

“What the hell!” Hyukjae exclaims and Jongwoon looks up to see real anger jn the host’s eyes. “Dude, you have three seconds before I punch you. I don’t care about making a scene.”

“Well,” Jongwoon says hurriedly, doesn’t doubt that Hyukjae would do what he threatened. “I tried to tell him last night after we went out for dinner and a movie but then he was acting all strange and out of it. He told me he wasn’t feeling well and that we’d talk later. So I gave him his space because I didn’t want to push it, but he was acting strange this morning too, looked as though he hadn’t slept the entire night and...”

“Oh,” Hyukjae says, suddenly looking thoughtful. “It must be that then.”

“That?”

Hyukjae says. “Listen, Jongwoon-hyung. It may not be obvious but I actually like you. You are a good person and I know you wouldn’t hurt Donghae intentionally but you have to understand, Donghae... he really hasn’t had the best of relationships and the last one ended up ghosting him even when Donghae had practically done everything for the guy and the next thing we hear of him, he’s getting married to some bigshot music executive. So yeah, I thought you should know that Donghae could be really sensitive to rejection and...”

“But I did not reject him,” Jongwoon protests a bit too loudly, clenches his fists. “I actually... I love him, Hyukjae-ssi — I know that now — and I want to tell him but somehow it feel like he’s gone to a place where my words can’t reach him and I can’t figure out if it were because of something I said or did and...”

“Then just keep on trying,” Hyukjae interrupts him. “Be patient and don’t give up on him until you could. Show him that, unlike Yunho-ssi, you’re willing to put in the effort to be with him and that he is worth it.”

“Yunho-ssi?” Jongwoon asks and Hyukjae claps a hand to his mouth.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that,” Hyukjae says.

“So he’s...”

“A douche? An asshole? A selfish piece of shit?” Hyukjae rants. “Yeah, sounds about right but don’t tell Donghae I told you this.”

“Right,” Jongwoon says, wondering why the name sounded familiar, shakes his head. “Anyway, Hyukjae-ssi, I’m surprised you haven’t taken your own advice.”

“What?”

“To be patient and fight for the one you like. I mean, you and Choi Siwon...”

“Ah,” Hyukjae says, averting his eyes. “Yeah.”

“But I thought you liked Donghee-ssi. Why did you... You tell me to be patient and not to give up on Donghae and yet you...”

A waitress approaches them, places several bags of food on the table and hands Jongwoon his corporate credit card back. Jongwoon smiles at her gratefully before looking back at Hyukjae.

“Anyway, as I was saying, I don’t understand how you could just give up on Donghee-ssi... unless your feelings have changed, of course.”

“No,” Hyukjae says instantly and Jongwoon has never seen the other so distressed. “No, they haven’t. It’s just that...” A sigh. “It doesn’t feel like... Shindong-hyung... Someone like me doesn’t deserve someone like him and...”

“Someone like you? What does that even mean? And anyway, isn’t that Donghee-ssi’s decision to make? You tell me to fight for Donghae’s feelings and yet you...”

“Ah,” Hyukjae says with a sad smile. “But don’t you see, manager-nim? The main difference between you and me is that Donghae actually loves you.”

“I...”

“Now, it’s been nice talking you but maybe we should both get going.” He stands up. “Sadly, I have somewhere else to be and your food might get cold and something tells me you wouldn’t want to get on Heechul-ssi’s temper once again, would you, manager-nim?”


	77. Beyond Reach

Heechul drums his fingers impatiently on top of his dressing room table as he waits for the lunch he’d sent Jongwoon to retrieve. He’d actually been expecting his manager to have cheered up after going on a movie date with Donghae so he was very much surprised when an even sadder-looking Jongwoon picked him up for his earlier schedule. He had wanted to ask the younger man what happened, what he did this time, but the dark circles under Jongwoon’s eyes told him that he didn’t get any decent sleep the night before either and Heechul holds his tongue.

Heechul sighs.

Jongwoon really doesn’t know how lucky he is to have happiness just within his reach when Heechul would give anything just for a chance to see Jungsoo again.

Jungsoo.

He had neither the time nor the opportunity to visit the apartment again, the one that Shindong told him was almost 99% confirmed to be the place where Jungsoo was staying at these days, couldn’t show up just like the last time without arousing suspicion. He couldn’t send Jongwoon either, his manager being so out of it these days.

He takes out his phone and flips through his gallery until he finds that one selca of him and Jungsoo, stolen when the latter had fallen asleep on Heechul’s chest at just the right angle. Jungsoo had always protested about them taking pictures together, it being against some club rule once again. These days Heechul wishes he’d pushed his chances and taken even more selcas.

His fingers trace the outline of Jungsoo’s face, committing to memory sharp cheekbones, a delicate nose, and full lips he wishes he would never forget.

He jumps when his phone suddenly vibrates with a call, sees who is calling and quickly picks up.

“Hello?”

“Hyung-nim,” Shindong greets him. “Sorry, can’t talk too long now but word is Gold is about to re-open soon. Just thought I’d let you know.”

Heechul’s heart skips a beat. Gold was re-opening so that could only mean...

“Jungsoo,” he says. “Jungsoo... I could finally...”

“Not exactly,” Shindong interrupts him.

“What?” Heechul exclaims.

A sigh from the other end of the line and Heechul’s feels his blood run cold when he hears the words Shindong says next.

“I’m sorry, hyung,” Shindong says. “But you might have a problem with that because according to my sources, your Persephone... He’s no longer on Gold’s roster of hosts.”


	78. Jongwoon’s Way

Jongwoon squints as he pushes the needle he is holding into fabric, sewing another sequins onto what would be the tail of Haru’s mermaid costume. Haru’s birthday is fast approaching and she’d been worried that the costume wouldn’t be finished on time.

Donghae, whose birthday was also fast approaching, had smiled and suggested they spend their Friday night working on it instead of going out for dinner as Jongwoon had originally suggested.

Jongwoon sighs.

Donghae had more or less returned to his normal self over the past few days, had at least stopped actively shutting Jongwoon out, but Jongwoon always felt like there were this distance between them that he could do nothing about. He’d tried to talk to Donghae about it but the other would just shrug and act like he didn’t know what Jongwoon was talking about.

And then there still was the matter of Jongwoon answering Donghae’s confession.

Jongwoon tries, he really does, but he couldn’t find the perfect opportunity to say it, the romantic in him preventing him from just blurting out the words to Donghae, even if he’d already admitted his feelings about the other to at least two different people. In Jongwoon’s mind, Donghae deserved better — at least a candlelit dinner in some fancy restaurant or a romantic stroll by the sea — so he’d been waiting for a chance to ask Donghae out but even that was a struggle.

He looks at Donghae out of the corner of his eye, watches as he works on the other end of the tail, glances at the sleeping lump on the couch that was Haru before training his gaze back at the host. The television continues to play some random variety show and Donghae would let out a small chuckle from time to time at what was being said.

Jongwoon is so absorbed in watching Donghae that he barely notices until he pushes the needle a bit too hard and it pierces his skin. 

“Ouch,” Jongwoon yelps, letting go of the tail he is sewing to inspect the wound, drawing Donghae’s attention. Donghae frowns, setting aside his own needlework to scoot over and look at Jongwoon’s wound.

“Aish, hyung,” Donghae says when he sees it. “Didn’t I tell you to be careful?” A frustrated sigh and suddenly, Donghae is taking Jongwoon’s bleeding finger in his hand as though it were the most normal thing in the world to do, bends down and Jongwoon couldn’t help the embarrassing squeak he lets out when he feels soft, warm lips covering his fingertip, sucking on it lightly, the tip of a hot tongue brushing against it slightly before Donghae pulls back, looking up at Jongwoon.

“There, all... better...” And Jongwoon doesn’t know what expression he has on his face for Donghae to trail off like that, eyes moving down Jongwoon’s face to his lips even as the host licks his own. Jongwoon follows the movement and swallows at the sight of the kittenish tongue he’d felt on his figertip peeking out between soft lips, tries not to groan.

Donghae hadn’t let go of Jongwoon’s injured hand yet and Jongwoon wonders if Donghae could feel just how fast his heart is racing through that contact alone. Almost in a trance, he gives in to his instinct and cups Donghae’s hand with his other uninjured one.

“Hyung?”

Donghae looks up at Jongwoon with questioning eyes and Jongwoon decides that that was the moment he’d been waiting for for the entire night.

“Let me take you,” Jongwoon blurts out and Donghae’s eyes widen.

“Hyung?!”

Jongwoon frowns — was that a no? — before blushing when he realizes what he just said. “Out! I meant let me take you out! To dinner! And a stroll along the Han River.” A pause. “Unless I’m already too late and you don’t want to anymore and...”

Jongwoon trails off when Donghae starts giggling before his giggles turn into full-blown laughter that Jongwoon missed hearing from the younger man. 

“Take... oh my god... That was... Who are you and what have you done to my Jongwoon-hyung?” Donghae practically wheezes and Jongwoon smiles as he watches Donghae’s laughing face that he hadn’t seen for a while, thinks that, from now on, he’d do everything to protect that smile.

“I said ‘let me take you OUT,’” Jongwoon feels the need to defend himself again. “Not that...”

“I thought you rejected me,” Donghae interrupts him, looking down at their clasped hands, and suddenly Jongwoon’s good mood dies down.

“What? I didn’t.” A sigh. “Listen, Donghae-ssi... It’s not... I’m sorry if it felt like it but I wasn’t rejecting you at that time. I just really needed time to process a lot of things. You... You’re the first and only person I’ve ever felt this way for since Miyuki and the timing of your confession... I just didn’t want to... If we were to be together, I wanted to do things properly just like normal couples so please, please just let me take you out to dinner and I promise I will...”

“Jongwoon-hyung,” Donghae interrupts him once again. “Are you asking me out on a date?”

Technically, they already had their first date, though on hindsight, Detective Pikachu and Happy Meals weren’t exactly first date material, so Jongwoon just nods.

“Yeah. I mean, if you still want to and...”

“Sure.”

“What?”

“Sure,” Donghae repeats, looking up at Jongwoon with shining eyes. “Yes, I will go out on a date with you, Jongwoon-hyung. I will go on as many dates as you want and do whatever ‘proper’ things you want.” A pause. “I just want to let you know that this — the entire ‘normal couple’ thing — this is all new to me too and I...”

“Then let’s try together,” Jongwoon says, meeting Donghae’s eyes and squeezing his hands. “Let’s just give it a try and see where things would lead us, okay?”

Donghae looks back at him then, looks like he’s searching for something in Jongwoon’s eyes. Finally he nods and says, “Okay. Okay. We’ll do it your way this time.” And then, “I trust you, Jongwoon-hyung.”

And somehow, those words feel more like a confession than the words that had sent Jongwoon running before but this time, Jongwoon just tightens his grip on Donghae’s hands and tries to smile reassuringly.

“Thank you,” he says. “Thank you for your trust, Donghae-ssi.”

And Jongwoon makes a silent promise then to never betray that trust, unlike Yunho or whoever else has hurt Donghae in the past, promises to never ever make Donghae regret saying those precious words to him for as long as he breathes.

(Later, Jongwoon realizes that it is a promise as strong as any wedding vow.)


	79. Puppetmaster

A figure sits alone in a dark office, the flickering screens of dozens of monitors the only source of illumination. He leans back against his leather chair, loosens his tie, and closes his eyes, feeling an oncoming headache.

Today was such a tiring day, filled with so many meetings and conferences and unnecessary pleasantries. 

He sighs.

On hindsight, he thinks he really shouldn’t have gotten this involved. He’d always worked better from the shadows, pulling strings, setting into motion events and plans and people. He’d never felt the need to do this though, never thought his personal interference would be needed but he’d been working on this matter for who knew how many years now and he gets tired too, sometimes, no matter what others say.

He looks at one screen in particular, a stolen photo barely days old on it, wonders how and when he’d allowed himself to get attached. Well, in his defense, he didn’t know that person already was a pawn in this game he’d been playing the first time they met and he’d let his guard down, allowed himself to pretend to be normal for the short spans of time they’d spent together.

Now though, as the final stage is slowly being set, as he carefully puts the final touches of the last scene he’d been working towards, the figure knows the time would soon come when he’d have to use whatever resource necessary to achieve his goal... even him.

The figure sighs.

Duty and honor above all, right?

He hopes everything would be worth it in the end.


	80. Trial...

Hyukjae sips on his strawberry milk as he sits on a bench, looking around for Shindong. Of all the places he’d expected the other to ask to meet at, an amusement park just wasn’t it. Shindong didn’t say what exactly he’d wanted to talk to Hyukjae about either so the anxiety was starting to build up in Hyukjae considering the last time they’d talked.

Shindong knew — about Siwon, about what he did for a living. At this rate, Hyukjae wouldn’t be surprised if the older man knew about Hyukjae’s feelings for him.

Hyukjae clenches his fist. Shindong knew... Shindong knew and yet...

Another couple passes by and Hyukjae lowers his head, tries to hide under his cap while pretending to look through his phone.

When Hyukjae was younger, he’d always said that amusement park dateswere special and he only went on them if he was serious about a person. Joohyun, a pretty girl who had lived next door to him then and whom Hyukjae had the hugest crush on, just laughed at him when he told her this, smile brightening her usually stoic face, teased him for watching too many romance dramas.

“Oppa,” she said in the midst of her laughter. “Are you for real? Isn’t it a bit embarrassing to go at our age.”

They ended up going one day anyway, when their days off happened to fall on the same day.

“As friends,” Joohyun had said as they bought their tickets, a knowing look in her eyes. “Or as practice until you meet The One.”

Hyukjae remembers wanting to protest then, wanting to say that he thinks he’d already found The One, actually tried to confess on their way home but Joohyun just placed a finger on his lips, effectively silencing him.

“I’m sorry,” she said, eyes shimmering with unshed tears. “It’s not that I don’t like you but believe me, oppa, I’m not the one you want.”

She ended up moving out of her apartment the very next day and Hyukjae sometimes still wonders what she’d meant by those words.

“Hyukjae-ssi,” he hears someone call him and he looks up, breath catching in his throat. Shinhdong will never not be handsome in Hyukjae’s eyes but seeing him outside the dim lighting of the studio was always something else.

“Hyung!” Hyukjae says, standing up to meet him, hopes he doesn’t sound too excited. “You’re here!”

Shindong laughs. “Of course. It was me who asked you out, wasn’t it?” A pause. “Anyway, before anything else, I don’t think I’ve ever properly apologized.” A bow. “I’m sorry... for snooping and invading your privacy. I was actually doing intel for Siwon-ssi’s campaign and...”

Hyukjae forces a smile. “Ah, no. I... don’t really mind. It was about time I ‘fessed up anyway.” A pause. “I’m sorry too for lying to you... about working in insurance and all those other stuff. I just figured you might not want a... someone like me volunteering to teach young kids and...”

Shindong frowns. “Someone like you?”

“Yeah,” Hyukjae shrugs. “I mean, considering what I do for a living...”

“Hyukjae,” Shindong says and Hyukjae jumps when he feels a hand on his shoulder, looks up. “Of all people, I don’t have the right to judge what people do for a living.” A teasing smile. “I’m just glad I was able to steal you away from Siwon-ssi if only for the day.”

“H-hyung!” Hyukjae exclaims, eyes widening, a red tinge spreading across his cheeks. He’d gone out today not expecting anything but like this, it almost seemed as though...

“Kidding, I’m kidding,” Shindong laughs when he notices Hyukjae’s expression, retrieves his hand from where it was resting on Hyukjae’s shoulder. “I know better than to go after my boss’s boyfriend.” A sincere smile. “Seriously though, thank you for coming, Hyukjae-ssi.”

“Anytime,” Hyukjae says, still blushing at what Shindong had implied, even as a joke. “But hyung, what do you need me for?”

Shindong’s gaze darkens then and he slings an arm around Hyukjae’s shoulders.

“You’ll see,” Shindong says mysteriously, looking straight into Hyukjae’s eyes, and Hyukjae gulps.

Just what was he getting himself into.

—

“Hyung... Ah, hyung... No... Please... I can’t take it anymore... Please, just let me...” Hyukjae begs, tears beading embarrassingly at the corner of his eyes. He was supposed to be stronger than this, supposed to last longer and yet...

“Shh,” Shindong says softly, soothingly, as he settles back in. “You’ve been doing so well, Hyukjae-ssi, so very well. I promise. This will be the last one.”

“But hyung...” Hyukjae tries again, yelps as the car they are riding on lurches and begins to move forward, reaches for Shingdong’s hand and grips it tightly, eyes already closed. Shindong just lets him, gives his hand a squeeze, closes his own eyes, and as the rollercoaster starts moving, curses himself and the lengths he would go for his art.

—

Hyukjae walks to the closest bench on wobbly legs, holding onto an equally green-looking Shindong’s arm. They’d been on three different rollercoasters in as many hours and Hyukjae was already feeling like he’d left his gut somewhere up there.

They plop onto the bench gratefully and Shindong pops open a can of coffee they’d managed to but from a vending machine, handing one to Hyukjae before opening his own. Hyukjae accepts it silently, not trusting himself not to puke if he tries to speak, and throws back the coffee in a single gulp.

He waits for the nausea to die down a bit before saying, “Remind me again, hyung. Why are we doing this?”

Shindong groans from beside him. “At this point, I don’t know anymore. Nah, Hyukjae-ah, remind me never again to accept directing jobs that involve amusement parks.”

“Right,” Hyukjae snorts, tries to ignore the way his heart skips a beat at the informal address. “I still can’t believe you’ve never been on an amusement park date before.”

Shindong shrugs. “I haven’t. Amusement parks have never really been my thing. Or that of anyone I’ve ever dated, apparently. Have you?”

Hyukjae blushes. “Well, uhm, yeah. I’ve always found amusement park dates to be romantic.”

“Seriously?” Shindong laughs. “Haven’t you just been watching too many romance dramas?”

Hyukjae’s head snaps to Shindong then at the familiar words.

“At any rate,” Shindong continues, finishing off his coffee. “It doesn’t look like I’ll be changing my mind anytime soon.”

He stands up.

“Well, might as well get this over with,” Shindong says, looking back at Hyukjae. “Why don’t we go see if either of us had gotten better with heights in the past couple of minutes, shall we?”

—

Hyukjae looks out the glass window of the ferris wheel car they are riding, heart pounding loudly against his chest.

He’d expected to be dragged on yet another rollercoaster — seriously, how many rollercoasters does an amusement park have — only to be surprised when Shindong led him to stand awkwardly in a line full of couples, drawing curious stares from the people around them.

“Hyung,” Hyukjae had whispered when yet another group of schoolgirls walked past them, giggling. “Hyung, is this really necessary?”

Shindong just looked at him strangely. “I’m supposed to be directing a romantic short film that revolves around an amusement park date. Of course, I need the full experience and you of all people should know that ferris wheel rides are a must in amusement park dates.”

Yeah. They are. But the problem is, Hyukjae thinks as he looks out on one if the prettiest sunsets he’s even seen in his life, every second he spends together with Shindong like this — each soft smile, each accidental touch, each laugh — makes it harder for him to convince himself that he wasn’t in love with the other, would have preferred to go on another rollercoaster ride with the way his stomach is twisting and turning as he sits beside Shindong in the cramped space, trying not to think of impossible things. Because this entire day felt too much like a date in Hyukjae’s head, even knowing that Shindong didn’t mean it like that, made Hyukjae forget how things actually were, that he was supposed to be with Siwon and not pining after...

“Ah, I think I get it now,” Shindong suddenly says, interrupting his thoughts, and Hyukjae startles, turning to face Shindong just to find the other looking at him with a strange expression.

“What?” Hyukjae finds himself asking past the lump in his throat, admiring the way the light of the setting sun hilighted Shindong’s handsome features even as the look Shindong is giving him makes his heart pound even faster.

A stange smile. “This whole amusement park date thing. I hate to admit it but there’s actually something quite magical about it, like some sort of spell has been cast that could make someone forget,” Shindong says, unknowingly parroting Hyukjae’s thoughts. “Like a dream, maybe a vision.” And then he is reaching up to tuck a stray strand of hair behind Hyukjae’s ear.

“Hyung,” Hyukjae gasps at the contact, mind reeling, doesn’t know how to think or act or feel, Shindong’s words and actions sending his mind into overdrive. “Hyung, what are you...”

“Hyukjae-ah, I’m sorry,” Shindong says, and then he is leaning closer, hand on the wall beside Hyukjae’s ear, making Hyukjae forget how to breathe... Hyukjae holds his breath, eyes wide in disbelief — What is happening? Is he dreaming? — but as Shindong leans close enough for Hyukjae to feel his breath fan against his lips, Hyukjae does the one thing he’s never been really been good at.

He lets himself go, closes his eyes, and wishes this dream wouldn’t end.


	81. ...and Error

Donghae smiles as he looks at himself in the mirror, finally satisfied after almost half an hour of fiddling with his hair. Jongwoon didn’t say which restaurant they are going to but Donghae knew it had to be fancy if the suit Jongwoon wore to work were anything to go by — a rather expensive-looking navy blue suit matched with a pink tie with red strawberries that Haru had picked out just for the occasion. Donghae smiles as he remembers the look of delight in the child’s eyes as she looked through Jongwoon’s ties, can’t help but feel a bit guilty at having Jongjin look after Haru just so he and Jongwoon could go on a proper date.

He told Haru so when he’d dropped her off at Jongjin’s place after school but she just shook her head, hugged Donghae and said, “It’s okay, Hae-oppa-nim. Just don’t cry anymore and please make Appa happy, okay?”

Donghae didn’t know what to say to that, just hugged Haru back and promised to come pick her up extra early the next day... if he could still walk, that is, though Donghae seriously doubts if that would be a problem considering how proper Jongwoon could be.

So he tried to put some effort into dressing up too, managed to dig up an all-black ensemble of decently tight pants, an overcoat and a turtleneck that left little to the imagination. It has been a while since Donghae actually felt good about how he looked and he is glad he actually managed to pull this look off for the occasion. And then there was the matter of his hair...

Donghae’s hair was one of the things Donghae actually liked about his appearance but it had grown a bit too long so he’d decided to put it up into a messy half-bun, leaving some strands loose to frame his face just so. It had been a while since Donghae sported this hairstyle but he actually likes how it turns out this time.

He lifts his phone to take several selcas, trying on a couple of filters, before sending them to Hyukjae.

Donghae smiles. To be honest, he had his best friend to thank for having gotten this far, had actually been thinking of giving up on his feelings for Jongwoon after that run-in with Yunho but one conversation with Hyukjae changed that, and his best friend had yet again managed to save him from what would have been the biggest mistake of his life.

“He’s a good man, your manager-nim,” Hyukjae had told Donghae over the phone after Donghae was done angsting and crying his heart out. “I accidentally met him today and he seemed like he actually...” A pause. “You told him your feelings right?”

Donghae had nodded, before realizing Hyukjae couldn’t see him. “Yes. I... It’s actually a long story and...” A sigh. “I’m scared he doesn’t feel the same way, Hyukkie, and I can’t risk it, just like I did with Yunho.”

“Did he tell you that?”

“What?”

“Jongwoon-hyung... Did he tell you he doesn’t like you back?”

“Uhm...”

A frustrated sigh.

“Hae-chagiya, I love you but sometimes...” Another sigh. “Why don’t you talk to the guy? I know I wasn’t the most supportive at first but now... Why don’t you give him another chance?” A careful pause. “He’s not Yunho, you know?”

“I know,” Donghae had whispered then. “I know.” And to be honest, sometimes, that was exactly what he was afraid of. At least with Yunho, he’d gone in already expecting things to fall apart but with Jongwoon...

“Anyway,” Hyukjae had said then. “I’m sorry but I have to go now. I’m supposed to meet Shindong-hyung in half an hour.”

Donghae blinks at the weird feeling of deja vu. Didn’t they have this conversation already before?

“But Hyukkie... Aren’t you...” A sigh. “Have fun, Hyukkie. I just hope you know what you’re doing.”

“I don’t know what you mean, Hae, but thanks. Do let me know how your date goes... and if your manager-nim actually knows how to use his equipment and it isn’t totally wasted on him, if you know what I mean.”

Donghae laughs. What he’d give to find that out but he really doubts someone like Jongwoon would put out on what was their first official date.

He hears a knock on his door and startles, looks at his watch. Jongwoon had called ahead and said that he would be running a bit late since Heechul’s shoot had finished late but it still looked like they would make it in time for their reservation. He sighs, fiddles with his hair a bit more before going to retrieve his phone and wallet. When he opens the door, he is surprised to be met with a bouquet of flowers and a sheepish-looking Jongwoon.

“Donghae-ssi, I’m so sorry I’m late. I just... oh...” Jongwoon trails off, eyes wide, when he sees Donghae and Donghae can’t help but feel a bit self-conscious, reaches up to tuck a strand of hair behind his ear.

“Uhm, yeah,” Donghae laughs nervously. “It’s no big deal. At least I got more time to get dressed.” A pause. “Though maybe I could use a bit more time, especially with...”

“No,” Jongwoon says, shaking his head. 

“No?”

“No,” Jongwoon repeats, blushing. “I mean, you look gorgeous enough already. You don’t really need to... uhm...”

Donghae laughs. “Jongwoon-hyung, you know you don’t have to say those things to get into my pants, right?”

“But they’re true!” Jongwoon insists earnestly before flushing from head to foot when he realizes what Donghae had said. “Wait... I...”

Donghae laughs yet again, heart feeling lighter than it has been for the past couple of weeks, decides to take pity on Jongwoon.

“Kidding. I’m kidding. I know you won’t try anything on the first date...” A flirty smile. “Though I’m sorry if I can’t really say the same for myself.”

Jongwoon gapes at him, making Donghae laugh yet again.

“Thank you for the flowers, though. They’re for me, right?”

“Uhm, yeah,” Jongwoon says as Donghae takes the bouquet, blush never leaving his face and Donghae thinks it’s the most adorable thing he’d ever seen next to Haru. “I didn’t know what your favorite flower was so I just got a mixed one.”

Donghae buries his nose in the bouquet, enjoying its scent before looking up at Jongwoon. “I don’t really have one — a favorite flower, I mean — and this is the first bouquet anyone had gotten me.” A grimace. “At least, anyone who actually mattered.” He shakes his head. “Anyway, shouldn’t we get going then? We don’t want to miss our reservation and...”

“You deserve it.”

“What?” Donghae blinks up at Jongwoon to find the older man looking earnestly at him yet again.

“You deserve it, Donghae-ssi — flowers and dates and being told you’re beautiful everyday. Anyone who thinks otherwise could go drown themselves in the Han River, you know.”

And Donghae is taken aback by the intensity with which Jongwoon said the last part, wonders how much he knew and how... Donghae groans. Of course, Hyukjae must’ve told him, though he doubts Jongwoon knew that he’d already met the subject of his anger.

“Jongwoon-hyung...” Donghae says, reaching out to place a hand on Jongwoon’s arm, rubbing his thumb on it to placate him before leaning up to whisper in the older man’s ear.

“Thank you,” Donghae says. “You don’t know how much those words mean to me but thank you, Jongwoon-hyung.” A smirk. “Now we either leave this very moment or I pull you into my room and show you just how much I appreciate the sentiments.” An arm squish and Jongwoon gasps when he feels soft lips against his ear. “Now which one will it be, Jongwoon-hyung?”

—

They miss their reservation because of course they do, though not for the lack of trying on Jongwoon’s part. The older man had practically flown away from Donghae at the host’s last provocation, muttering excuses as he hurriedly made for the front door. Donghae sighed. He probably was a fool to think that Jongwoon would have gotten over his shyness after everything that has happened between them but if Jongwoon walking in on him fucking himself while moaning Jongwoon’s name didn’t do it, Donghae doesn’t know what will. So he just set aside his bouquet and followed Jongwoon all the way to the parking lot, smiling to himself when Jongwoon opened the car door for him in a textbook date move because really, was there a limit to how endearing someone could be?

But then there was an accident and an unexpected traffic jam, stressing Jongwoon out visibly, so when they got to the restaurant three minutes late to learn that their slot had been given away, Jongwoon was already on the verge of snapping, Donghae’s hand on his arm the only thing that kept Jongwoon from lashing out at the poor restaurant staff.

“It’s okay, hyung,” Donghae tells him as they walk away. “We could go there some other time.” A pause. “There’s actually this family restaurant near the Han River I’ve been wanting to go back to. Why don’t we have our dinner there?”

“But...” Jongwoon protests. “Our date...”

Donghae shakes his head, hooking an arm around Jongwoon’s. Jongwoon could really be too cute sometimes. “We’re still out together so it still is a date and if you really feel that strongly about it, I’d let you take me out for dinner at that restaurant again.” A teasing smile. “Or just take me. Really, I’m fine with either.”

“Donghae-ssi...” Jongwoon says warningly, the smile on his face taking all the bite out of it though. He sighs. “Fine. Lead the way.”

Donghae returns the smile before dragging him by the arm in a certain direction, already listing off the menu excitedly.

Jongwoon’s smile widens as he lets himself be dragged, happy to find that the distance between them has decreased considerably after he’d formally asked the other out... now if only Jongwoon could just tell Donghae he loves him.

—

The place Donghae brings Jongwoon to is a quaint little restaurant with a view of the Han River with only a dozen and a half dishes on the menu. It was surprisingly packed but Jongwoon and Donghae were lucky enough to secure a table. Jongwoon takes off his jacket when they are led to their table, feeling a bit overdressed, turns to help Donghae do the same.

Donghae lets him, can’t help laughing out loud when he sees the expression on Jongwoon’s face when the older man sees him in just his turtleneck and then quickly helps Donghae back into his overcoat.

“But Jongwoon-hyung,” he mock whines. “It’s too warm. Why don’t you let me take off my coat and...”

“No,” the glare Jongwoon sends him then is lethal and Donghae almost swoons at the intense expression on the normally mild-mannered manager’s face, reminding him of some of those dreams he had. “I mean,” Jongwoon backtracks. “I’m sure it’ll get colder and that turtleneck you’re wearing is just too thin and...”

Thankfully someone comes to take their order then, saving Jongwoon from digging a deeper hole for himself, can’t help but squeak though when Donghae leans over after the waiter is gone and whispers a bit too loudly, “Ah, so my turtleneck’s too thin and you don’t want others to see, huh? Well, fine then. Tonight, everything will be for your eyes only.”

“Y- you...” Jongwoon stammers and Donghae laughs. He really missed teasing Jongwoon and now that he could do it without fear of the other pulling away...

He is about to make a quip about how Jongwoon could not just look but also touch just to see how much teasing the older man could take before breaking when suddenly, he hears his name being called.

“Oh, Donghae-ssi? It is Donghae-ssi, right? On a date with your boyfriend, I see? What a coincidence!”

Donghae looks up and just like that, all the good feelings of the night vanish.

“It’s me, Boa,” the newcomer says. “We met at the cafe. And you remember my husband, Yunho, right?”

And as he yet again looks up into familiar brown eyes, Donghae curses internally and wishes he didn’t.


	82. Twist

Jongwoon watches Donghae push the food around his plate distractedly in what was sadly becoming a familiar sight these days and sighs. The younger man had been in such a good mood earlier, not even a botched reservation could ruin it, actually seemed excited to bring Jongwoon to the restaurant they are now in but, for some reason, became subdued by the time the waitress brought their food.

Jongwoon tries to make conversation then — the weather, Donghae’s favorite music, the elderly couple a few tables over — to no avail. It was only when he’d mentioned Haru’s and Donghae’s birthday coming up that Donghae seemed to perk up, talking excitedly about how Haru would love the mermaid costume they’d been working on.

Jongwoon smiles as Donghae goes on about how the tail turned out better than he planned, wants to take Donghae’s hand and place a kiss on each of the plasters on them, wounds that Donghae got from doing so much needlework, stops himself when he remembers where they are.

He smiles instead, surprises Donghae into trailing off when he takes the other’s hand in his anyway, rubbing his thumb against the other’s knuckles.

“How about you, Donghae-ssi?” Jongwoon asks, looking at Donghae who just blinks cluelessly at him, making Jongwoon chuckle.

“What do you want for your birthday?” An embarrassed laugh. “I’m sorry, I’m not really good at giving gifts and I don’t want to disappoint you.”

Donghae seems to think about it, plays with the tips of Jongwoon’s fingers as well, before looking up at Jongwoon.

“I don’t want anything,” Donghae says. “I mean, not really. I told you before that I barely celebrate my birthday anymore and to be honest, I’d be happy with whatever hyung gives me.” A sincere smile. “I’ve always been.”

But you deserve better, Jongwoon wants to say. You deserve the world, is kept from saying so when Donghae gives him a flirty smile.

“But if you really insist, Jongwoon-hyung, then maybe I do want something,” he says, before sweeping his gaze all over Jongwoon, licks his lips when they rest obviously on a particular area.

Jongwoon gulps.

“Nah, Jongwoon-hyung, don’t you think it’s about time that you gave me something more than just Happy Meals?”

“D-donghae-ssi!” Jongwoon stammers, flushing from head to foot, but still doesn’t let go of Donghae’s hand. “You know I... We...”

Donghae just laughs at him, good mood finally restored, and Jongwoon thinks maybe it is worth taking a couple of years off his life with embarrassment just to hear Donghae laugh like that.

—

Jongwoon and Donghae leave the restaurant in high spirits — a bit literally considering that they both had a bit of wine — holding hands and leaning against each other, were planning to take a stroll along the river when Jongwoon realizes he’d left his wallet on their table.

“I’ll be back,” he tells Donghae, regretfully letting go of the other’s hand.

“Okay,” Donghae says dazedly. “I’ll just be here,” making Jongwoon wonder just how much the other had drunk.

He smiles. The night was turning out to be better than he expected and at the rate things were going...

Jongwoon sighs, takes one last look at Donghae who waves at him before walking back to the restaurant. He spots his wallet in record time, is  about to hurry back to Donghae when he hears someone calling his  name.

“Kim Jongwoon-ssi?” A femal voice says and Jongwoon turns around to find the woman who’d approached them earlier to say “hi.”

“Jung Boa-ssi,” Jongwoon says, smiling at her. “I’m sorry but Donghae-ssi’s already out up front. I just came back to—“

“I know,” Boa says, a strange glimmer in her eyes. “Yunho is out there too,” she adds meaningfully, making Jongwoon frown.

Yunho. Why did that name sound so familiar? His eyes widen. Could it be..?

“Ah,” Boa says, smiling when she sees his reaction. “So I guess you aren’t as ignorant as I originally thought you were.”

Jongwoon is confused. “Wait... So Yunho-ssi... He’s... And you...”

Boa sighs. “Yun... He actually thinks I don’t know about him and the affair he had before we got married but I do. I mean, I didn’t know it was Donghae-ssi when I first met him with Haru but I knew that there was someone precious to Yun whom he had to give up so I looked into it and... well...” A pause. “Do you know, Jongwoon-ssi, that a part of me still believes that the only reason Yun chose me over Donghae-ssi back then was because I was pregnant and he thought that I’d be able to give him the family he’s always wanted.”

“Boa-ssi...”

“But then it turns out that I can’t even give him that and I don’t know how to live with myself anymore. But then we came across Donghae-ssi again and maybe this time... Maybe... I can’t give Yun children, so please, Jongwoon-ssi, please...”

“Boa-ssi, what are you...”

“I know this may sound selfish but please, Jongwoon-ssi... I know what the two of them shared was something my husband still treasures up until this day and Donghae-ssi... It hurts me to say this but I think he might be the only person who could make Yun truly happy. I’m so sorry for asking this of you, Jongwoon-ssi, but please... let them be.”

Jongwoon is silent and Boa gets desperate.

“Look, you need money for Haru-chan’s education, right? And being a manager doesn’t pay that well, right? I’m willing to pay...”

“Boa-ssi,” Jongwoon interrupts, hands balling into fists. Yunho and Donghae... weren’t they a thing of the past? Donghae has already moved on so what the hell was this woman saying? Donghae didn’t have any lingering feelings left for this Yunho, didn’t he? “Boa-ssi,” he repeats. “Please forgive me for saying this but I don’t understand... You so obviously love your husband and yet...”

“It’s precisely because I love my husband that I’m doing this!” Boa cries and Jongwoon is taken aback. “It’s precisely because I love him and want him to be happy that I told him it’s okay, that I’ll be okay if he wants to pursue Donghae-ssi once again.”

Jongwoon’s eyes widen. “But.. but why...”

And the grief in Boa’s eyes when she looks at him then will forever haunt Jongwoon for the coming years.

“Because I have no choice,” she tells him, voice finally breaking and tears falling down her cheeks. “I have no choice, Jongwoon-ssi. It’s the only way for us to stay together because I’d rather have only a part of him than lose him entirely. So please, Jongwoon-ssi... Please let them be happy. After all, you’d also do anything for the happiness of the one you love, right, Jongwoon-ssi?”

“That’s bullshit.”

“What?”

“I’m sorry, Boa-ssi, but that’s fucking bullshit. Letting your husband pursue a former flame, someone he’s hurt just as deeply or maybe even more than you, just so you could keep him, disregarding the possibility that maybe that person has been doing his best to move on from all the pain your husband had caused him and to find happiness on his own... Isn’t that a bit too self-centered of you, Boa-ssi?”

“Jongwoon-ssi...”

“I’m sorry, but I won’t stand for this. Donghae’s life is his to live and not just for the sake of some else, especially someone who’s hurt him before. So he’s the only one who can make Yunho happy, is he? I don’t fucking care because Donghae is mine now and mine alone — to cherish and to love and to show him how beautiful he is every single day and, unlike your precious Yunho, I intend to give Donghae the happiness  he deserves. So I’m sorry, Boa-ssi, but I have to politely decline your offer.” A pause. “Oh, and if I find your husband anywhere near my Donghae, you could be sure he isn’t coming home tonight.”

And with that final warning and a bow, Jongwoon stomps out of the restaurant, leaving a speechless Boa behind.


	83. Tipping point

Jongwoon practically runs out of the restaurant, heart thumping loudly against his chest, blood rushing in his veins, the need to see Donghae, to talk to him, to repeat to him the promises of earlier and the words he seems to be telling everyone else except the man himself spurring him on, is almost run over by a taxi in his haste to cross the street to where he'd last seen Donghae.

The mere thought of Yunho being anywhere near Donghae... Jongwoon clenches his fists. He knows it isn’t rational, knows that there’s definitely no way Donghae would choose Yunho, someone who had broken his heart and discarded him when it was no longer convenient, and didn’t he and Donghae agree to give this thing between them a try? But then Jongwoon remembers the way Donghae had acted when they first met the couple and suddenly, Jongwoon isn’t so sure anymore.

He gets to the other side of the street and looks around frantically, panics when Donghae is nowhere in sight, begins walking in a random direction, mind already spinning with different scenarios because, after all, what did Jongwoon know about Yunho anyway except what Hyukjae had told him? Besides, if Donghae had once upon a time given up a lot to be with Yunho, didn’t that say something about the depth of Donghae’s feelings for him and really, what chance did Jongwoon have in the face of all that history?

Stupid, Jongwoon curses himself. Stupid. He had all the chances to tell Donghae, to show him that somewhere between chance encounters and Happy Meals, the host had somehow become a precious existence in Jongwoon’s life and Jongwoon regrets not kissing him that night in his living room when Donghae had first cooked dinner for him and Haru.

He looks around, wishes desperately for a miracle when a sudden flash of lightning makes him look towards a nearby parking lot and his eyes widen.

He’d know that figure anywhere.

Donghae was standing there, back turned to Jongwoon and with him...

Jongwoon curses. He already expected this but...

Donghae shakes his head and the person Donghae is talking to reaches for him, manages to take a hold of Donghae’s arm and Jongwoon sees red.

If anyone asks Jongwoon later on what happened at that moment, he’d say that he couldn’t remember anything except the roaring in his ears and the next thing he knew, Yunho had already fallen to the ground, blood dripping from a split lip.

“Hyung!” Donghae exclaims and Jongwoon barely registers the feeling of Donghae bodily holding him back, can’t remember the last time he’d been this angry.

Don’t touch him. Don’t you fucking touch him. He’s mine. Mine, you hear! He wants to scream at Yunho but so intense is his anger that the words wouldn’t come out.

Yunho isn’t fazed though, keeps looking at Donghae imploringly, gets on his knees and reaches up to him.

“Hae,” Yunho says, speaking inspite of his broken lip. “Hae, please. I know you still love me so...”

“Shut up,” Jongwoon finds himself growling.

Yunho ignores him. “Hae... Please... Come b—“

“I said shut up!” Jongwoon shouts and this time, Yunho looks at him as he reaches down to take a hold of Donghae’s wrist. Jongwoon feels the younger man’s eyes on him but doesn’t look back, keeps his eyes on Yunho’s.

“Hae still loves you?” Jongwoon scoffs. “Isn’t that a bit presumptuous of you, Yunho-ssi especially after what you did to him?” A glare and Jongwoon pulls Donghae closer to him. “I’m sorry, Yunho-ssi, but you lost your chance and this gorgeous, wonderful, strong person standing before you is no longer your Lee Donghae. He belongs with me now and now I’m taking him home.”

And with that, he turns his back on Yunho and wordlessly drags Donghae behind him.

—

They drive home in silence, Jongwoon’s grip still tight on Donghae’s wrist, making Donghae wince. The older man never let go of his wrist as they walked all the way back to where they had parked, had wordlessly opened the car door for Donghae to get in, only to take a hold of his wrist once again once he’d settled in.

Jongwoon...

Donghae had never really seen this side of Jongwoon before, had gotten glimpses of it here and there sure, but he never thought he’d actually get to see this intense, passionate side of the usually even-tempered manager, would actually find it quite a bit (a lot) attractive if only Jongwoon weren’t so silent.

“Hyung...” Donghae had been saying. “Jongwoon-hyung...”

But Jongwoon just ignores him, eerily calm considering his earlier outburst and for some reason, that scares Donghae.

“Hyung, please. Talk to me. What...”

He trails off when Jongwoon suddenly stops the van and gets out, looks around and is surprised to find that they have arrived.

The door on Donghae’s side opens and suddenly Jongwoon is taking him by the wrist once again, pulling him out and letting the car door slam close before dragging him towards their apartment building.

Somewhere along the way it begins to rain and Donghae can practically feel the anger radiating off Jongwoon in waves.

“Hyung...” Donghae tries again. “Jongwoon... Please, you’re hurting me.”

Jongwoon still ignores him, doesn’t say anything until they are walking down the by-now familiar corridor and Jongwoon is pulling Donghae into their apartment.

“Hyung...” Donghae says.

The door closes behind them and Donghae is barely given the chance to let out a squeak before Jongwoon suddenly slams him against the door, an arm wrapping around his waist while his other hand reaches up to settle at the back of Donghae’s neck, intense dark eyes looking into his own, and kisses Donghae for the first time.


	84. To those who wait

If Donghae were to be honest, this wasn’t how he’d expected his first kiss with Jongwoon to be — all hot tongue and passionate lips, the cold metal of Jongwoon’s wedding ring contrasting with warm hands against rain-chilled skin, leaving Donghae, with his lifetime’s worth of experience, breathless and moaning, trying hard to keep up with the older man’s intensity as he remembers all their almost-kisses since the moment they met.

If Donghae were to be honest, he’d expected just a shy peck on the cheek or, if he were being brave, a tentative touching of lips to say goodnight at the end of their first official date and really, that would have been enough. Kisses are special and Donghae is, after all, still a romantic at heart and he’d only ever kissed people who were precious to him, give or take a client or two when Donghae had accidentally let his guard down.

Kisses are precious and Donghae would’ve been happy with anything Jongwoon was willing to give him... but then Jongwoon is suddenly taking Donghae’s bottom lip between his teeth and sucking hard on it, making Donghae gasp, before tipping his head back and plunging back in, the older man’s tongue seemingly intent to explore every inch of Donghae’s mouth and Donghae has never felt more turned on in his life... because sure he’s had his fair share of kisses but never had he been kissed like this — with such a raw, all-consuming intensity and by someone he felt so deeply about — and Donghae is so sure that this would turn out to be just another dream, gone the moment he wakes. It had to be because who was this person kissing him with such passion? Where was the shy, mild-mannered manager-nim he’d thought he’d known?

Suddenly, he feels the lips against his own still before pulling away and he tries not to sob at the overwhelming sense of loss he feels, feels a hand lift to cup his face, thumb rubbing against his cheek.

“Donghae-ah...” Jongwoon whispers and Donghae chokes up hearing his name said in that tone. “Hae... what’s wrong?” A swipe of Jongwoon’s thumb comes away wet and it is only then that Donghae realizes that he is crying.

“Hyung,” Donghae says, hands reaching up to clutch at the front of Jongwoon’s button-up shirt, almost see-through because of the earlier rain, looks pleadingly up at Jongwoon, tears falling freely now that he’d acknowledged them. “Hyung, is this real? Is this really happening? You kissing me like you want me, holding me like you don’t want to ever let me go? It feels so much like a dream, hyung, and I’m afraid I’d wake up and...”

Donghae trails off as Jongwoon kisses him again, this time softly, gently — a kiss to comfort than dominate, less desperate and more intimate — and it makes Donghae tear up even more because never in his life had he been kissed as tenderly, as lovingly either and Donghae can’t help but wonder if he’d actually ever been kissed before at all.

Jongwoon keeps kissing him and Donghae has to close his eyes not to be overwhelmed by all the emotions that surface.

“He’s not like us,” Yunho had told him barely hours ago, there in that deserted parking lot he’d managed to corner Donghae at. “He could never understand, could never love you as much as I do so please say you’ll come back to me?”

Donghae had lashed out in denial then — no, Jongwoon understood, at least wanted to try to be with him — but maybe Yunho was right about one thing, maybe Jongwoon could never love Donghae the way Yunho did... because the way Jongwoon was placing careful kisses on Donghae’s kiss-swollen lips as though he were the most important thing in Jongwoon’s world makes Donghae think that maybe he never had truly loved and been loved before either after all.

Their second parting is slow. Jongwoon leans his forehead against Donghae’s and they just stand there, sharing each other’s breath for a while until Jongwoon breaks the silence.

“I’m sorry,” he says, looking deep into Donghae’s eyes. “I’m so sorry, Donghae-ssi. I’m sorry for ever making you doubt my feelings for you. I’m sorry for making you go through so much pain because of my indecisiveness. I’m sorry it had to take the threat of your ex taking you away from me for me to act on my feelings.” A sad smile. “And I’m sorry for hurting you and making you cry. I just... I don’t know what came over me. When I saw Yunho-ssi reach out to touch you...”

“Jongwoon-hyung,” Donghae says and Jongwoon suddenly realizes that he is rambling. “Shh, it’s okay. You didn’t really hurt me. It’s just... you...” A self-deprecating smile. “I don’t know if you’d believe me but that was actually my first real kiss and I... it’s just overwhelming, being kissed like that.”

Jongwoon looks at him, doubt shining in his eyes. “Your first... But Yunho-ssi... and your clients...”

Donghae shakes his head. “Those don’t matter, hyung, at least, not anymore and at any rate, it’s not like anyone has ever kissed me the way you did.”

Jongwoon looks curious. “The way I... How did I kiss you, Donghae-ah?”

“Like I was your whole world,” Donghae says. “Like you wanted me, wanted to make me look at no one else but you and...”

“I do,” Jongwoon says and Donghae stops.

“What?” He asks, confused and Jongwoon smiles.

“I do... want you, that is, want you to look at no one else but me, want to kiss you again and again until you can’t think of anything else but my kisses, want to touch you until nobody else could.” A laugh. “And it scares  me. I’ve never felt this way before and I just don’t know... Ah, I think I’m going crazy, Donghae-ssi. I don’t want you to think badly of me but the things I would have done to Yunho-ssi if you hadn’t pulled me back... the things I had wanted to do to you just to make it clear that you’re mine...”

Donghae’s breath hitches, heart pounding loudly against his chest. What Jongwoon was saying... Could that mean..? He takes a deep breath and...

“Then why don’t you show me?” Donghae breathes.

Jongwoon looks up at him. “What?”

And Donghae reaches down to take  Jongwoon’s left hand, places it over his own chest. Donghae’s heartbeat is wild under Jongwoon’s fingertips and Jongwoon’s eyes widen.

“Show me,” Donghae repeats. “You already know my feelings, hyung, can feel my heart pounding just at the thought of you wanting me. So show me... I want to know everything about you, Jongwoon-hyung, the good, the bad, the things about yourself that you think are ugly and things you don’t even know about... Show them to me, hyung. I will take anything you’re willing to give.”

“Donghae-ssi...”

And then Donghae is lifting Jongwoon’s hand, guiding Jongwoon’s fingers to his parted lips.

“Show me,” Donghae breathes against them, eyes flashing, teasing with lips and tongue and teeth and Jongwoon feels another kind of madness take over him when Donghae says what would be the last words he’ll remember saying that night. 

“Make me yours, Jongwoon-hyung,” Donghae says and Jongwoon forgets everything else.


	85. Mine/Yours 🔥🔥🔥

Donghae moans as his back finally hits Jongwoon’s mattress after what seems like forever, its owner nipping at Donghae’s bottom lip as warm hands roam naked chest and abs and stomach.

The past few minutes felt like some sort of fevered dream, with Jongwoon pinning Donghae against the door and kissing him as though the world were ending — desperate and hot and unrelenting — until Donghae was a moaning mess against him, legs parting instinctively allowing Jongwoon to step between them, almost wept when he felt Jongwoon’s hardness brush against his own through fabric, began to move against him as their kiss became more heated until Donghae surprised Jongwoon by jumping up and wrapping his legs around the other’s hips, making Jongwoon stagger back before regaining his balance. He took Donghae’s weight admirably well considering his decidedly slimmer built, ended up with both hands on Donghae’s ass to hold him up, tongue still practically down Donghae’s throat. The surprising display of strength and dexterity was so unbelievably hot for Donghae, he was pretty much all for being taken right then and there against the door but Jongwoon seemed to have other ideas.

Shifting his hold on Donghae, they stumbled blindly through the thankfully dark living room, past the shelf with Miyuki’s portrait, past the kitchen and dining table, past the couch where Jongwoon could have, should have kissed Donghae so many times before, until they finally reached Jongwoon room, all the while pawing at each other — Jongwoon losing his tie and several buttons and Donghae his whole shirt in the process. How Jongwoon had gotten the turtleneck off Donghae without interrupting their kiss will forever be a mystery to Donghae and Donghae couldn’t help but be impressed at such skill, especially now when such skill allowed Jongwoon to trail his lips down Donghae’s chest, nipping and sucking while one hand reaches up to caress, thumb rubbing against a stiff nipple, pinching and rolling it in turns as Jongwoon takes the other into his mouth, licking and sucking and Donghae honestly wasn’t that much into nipple play before but now...

“Hnngh... Hyung... Yeah, just like... aaaaaah!”

Donghae lets out an embarrassing sound, tightening his grip on the back of Jongwoon’s head when Jongwoon suddenly bites down playfully on the nub in his mouth before soothing it with his tongue, almost in apology. He then kisses his way to the other side, giving Donghae’s other nipple the same attention as well, looking up at Donghae to see his reaction. Donghae meets his gaze and soon they are kissing again and Donghae finally gets enough of a braincell back to enable him to pop the remaining buttons off Jongwoon’s shirt while Jongwoon starts working on the buckle of Donghae’s belt. He doesn’t do so well, making Donghae sigh in frustration before rolling them over, breaking their kiss, thighs on both sides of Jongwoon’s waist as he makes short work of his belt, chucking it somewhere, before startibg on his pants. In the darkness, Donghae can feel Jongwoon’s eyes on him, Jongwoon’s impressive length against his ass, hands on his thighs and Donghae forgets what he is supposed to be doing, goes back to kissing Jongwoon. He feels Jongwoon’s hands slip into the waistband of his pants pulling it down just enough and Donghae can’t help but smile when Jongwoon falters a bit when he discovers that Donghae wasn’t wearing anything underneath. He recovers quickly though and soon he is kneading and squeezing Donghae’s ass until Donghae starts kissing down Jongwoon’s chest, his flat stomach, until he reaches Jongwoon’s pants, unbuckles his belt, and, in a familiar move, takes the zipper of Jongwoon’s pants between his teeth and pulls, can’t help but moan when he he is met with Jongwoon’s hard dick straining against his boxers. He mouths against it, smiling when he hears Jongwoon let out a curse, pulls the boxers down...

Objectively, Donghae knew Jongwoon was huge, had actually seen it in the shower, but it still takes him by surprise when he takes Jongwoon into his mouth, starts to bob his head up and down trying to fit even more of him every time, hums around Jongwoon’s length as he reaches behind himself to start fingering himself in preparation, already imagining the pleasant burn of being stretched wide, when a strong hand is pulling him up and he suddenly finds himself on his back again, a panting Jongwoon looming over him, chest heaving, pupils blown wide in desire and it both scares and excites Donghae at the same time. They stay like that for a while, staring at each other before Jongwoon reaches up to rub a thumb against Donghae’s swollen lips.

“So beautiful. God, you’re so beautiful, Donghae-ssi, I almost...” And the wonder in Jongwoon’s voice makes Donghae smile even against the pounding of his heart.

“I should think we’ve already gotten past honorifics, Jongwoon-hyung. And no, I wouldn’t really have minded you coming in my mouth.”

Jongwoon makes a strange sound at the back of his throat at that and Donghae takes note.

“Well... Uhm... But then I... I didn’t want...”

“Then what do you want, Jongwoon-hyung?”

“You,” Jongwoon says. “All of you, but I don’t... I’ve never... I just don’t want to hurt you, Donghae-ah.”

Donghae wants to say something about this being one of the least hurtful things Jongwoon had done, could ever do to him. Instead, he takes Jongwoon’s hand and leads it down into his pants...

Jongwoon gasps as Donghae guided him to cup his straining member, already dripping with pre-cum.

“You won’t hurt me,” Donghae says, looking at Jongwoon with conviction. “See just how hard, how wet, you make me just by kissing me, touching me?” A smile. “Shouldn’t it be quite obvious by now that I want you too?”

“Donghae-ah...”

And then Donghae leads Jongwoon’s hand further down and...

“Here, hyung,” Donghae says, breath hitching in anticipation. “This is where I want you,” before guiding Jongwoon to slip a finger in and Donghae is soon fucking himself against Jongwoon’s hand, whines when Jongwoon pulls away to peel Donghae’s impossibly tight pants from his legs before getting rid of his own clothing.

Donghae watches, eyes half-lidded as Jongwoon shrugs his shirt off first and then takes off his pants before pulling his boxers off as well, revealing taut muscles and slightly tanned skin and a dripping cock and Donghae has never wanted anyone so much in his entire life.

Jongwoon then reaches for his discarded pants to retrieve something and Donghae raises a brow when he sees what Jongwoon is holding.

“Ah, Jongwoon-hyung, so you really were hoping I’d put out on the first date. I’d say I’m offended but I really find the confidence attractive...” A meaningful glance downward. “Among other things.”

“It’s Heechul-hyung,” Jongwoon says, joining Donghae on the bed once again, blushing all the way to the tip of his ears. “I wasn’t... well, that is... uhm... here...” Holds out what appeared to be a condom and banana-flavored lube and Donghae finds it amazing how Jongwoon could still blush like that after he’d almost managed to make Donghae cum just by kissing him.

Donghae takes the lube but leaves the condom.

“I don’t mind if you want to do it without,” he says.

“What?”

“The condom. If you want to do it bare, I’m okay with it.” A pause. “Unless you want to, which makes sense considering what I do for a living but just so you know, I’m clean. Just went in for testing before Members’ Night, actually, and...”

Jongwoon kisses him and Donghae trails off, allows himself to be kissed until Jongwoon pulls away again.

“Don’t,” Jongwoon says. “Don’t you ever... Donghae-ah... What you do, you being a host... I don’t want you to ever think that that matters to me.”

“Hyung... But I...”

“No,” Jongwoon says, visibly frustrated. “What I mean is... you’re more than that, Donghae-ah, so much more and I never... You say that you trust me with whatever this is between us so let me tell you this — I trust you too about anything and if you’d allow me to... well...”

“Fuck me,” Donghae says and Jongwoon flushes.

“Uhm, yes, well, that.”

“No, hyung. I meant fuck me. Now. I want you and I don’t care how you do it as long as you do. No more of this useless talking, okay?”

“Okay,” Jongwoon breathes. “Okay.” Even as Donghae uncaps the lube, reaches for Jongwoon’s fingers and pours a generous amount on it before leading them back to his ass. Jongwoon takes the hint, slipping a finger into Donghae’s tight hole, making Donghae moan at the intrusion. The lube helps and soon Jongwoon is two fingers in and Donghae is reduced to a writhing mess once again.

“Yes, hyung,” he moans. “Just like that. Gotta prep me real good, hyung. It’s been a while since I’ve had to take someone of your size and mmph...”

Jongwoon silences Donghae with another kiss as he continues his ministrations, scissoring and stretching Donghae as much as he can before the sounds Donghae is making become too much and he has to pull away. Donghae whines at the loss of Jongwoon’s fingers in his ass but then Jongwoon is suddenly kneeling between Donghae’s widespread legs, hiking his hips up, reaches for the remaining lube to coat himself and Donghae can’t help but lick his lips at the sight of Jongwoon’s hard, weeping cock, holds his breath when the older man eventually positions himself against Donghae’s entrance.

“May I?” Jongwoon asks breathlessly and Donghae wonders how Jongwoon could expect him to still respond at that point, wraps his legs around Jongwoon’s waist instead and kisses him.

Jongwoon thankfully gets it and Donghae sobs when Jongwoon finally slides all the way in, tears falling once again. If he’d thought being kissed by Jongwoon was overwhelming, this feeling of completion, of being filled by the one he loves...

He sobs, allows himself to cry until Jongwoon is kissing away his tears with his lips, gently, comfortingly, making Donghae cry even more.

“Hae,” Jongwoon whispers. “You’re crying again. What’s wrong? Did I...”

Donghae shakes his head, wraps his arms and legs tighter around Jongwoon, pulling Jongwoon deeper, making the both of them moan at the movement.

“Hae...”

“I love you, hyung,” Donghae says and that shuts Jongwoon up. “I love you so damn much and I don’t know why I’m crying but there’s nothing I can think of right now than you inside of me, making me yours so please, hyung...”

“Donghae-ah,” Jongwoon begins but seems to change his mind, kisses Donghae instead, starting to move, pulling out slowly before thrusting in again, making Donghae practically lose his mind.

“Nnnnngh, hyung. So big. So full. Hyung... please... faster... fuck me harder, hyung...”

And Jongwoon does,quickening his pace, hikes Donghae’s hips even higher.

“So tight... Ah, so good... Donghae-ah. My Donghae-ah.”

“Yours, hyung. Always yours and aaaaaahhhhh...”

And Donghae almost screams when Jongwoon finally finds his prostrate, proceeds to find it again and again, making Donghae see stars.

“Aaaaaaaahhhh.... Hyung... aaaaaahhhhh...”

“Donghae-ah... Oh god... Donghae-ah...”

Their pace grows frantic then, filled with nothing but grunts and groans and moans of each other’s names until Jongwoon is taking Donghae in hand and Donghae finds himself coming practically untouched for the first time in his life. Jongwoon follows closely behind, emptying himself into Donghae as the younger man tightens around him, before collapsing onto him.

They lie there for what seems like forever, trying to catch their breath and riding out their orgasm, until a part of Donghae becomes uncomfortable at the silence, almost expects Jongwoon to pull away any minute now, thank him for the fuck before walking away. All his fears disappear though when Jongwoon pulls him closer instead, peppering gentle kisses on his skin.

“I love you too,” Jongwoon breathes against Donghae’s neck, a belated response to Donghae’s earlier confession, making Donghae’s breath catch in his throat. “I love you so, so much, my Donghae-ah.”

And suddenly, all is right in the world.


End file.
